duels for the honor of the ladies, in one of which he was run through the body, but luckily escaped with his life. The lady, however, for whom he fought, did not reward her knight as she ought to have done, but soon after married another man with a larger fortune; upon which he forswore society in a great measure, and, though he continued for several years to do his duty in the army, and actually rose to the rank of lieutenant-colonel, mixed but little in the world, and has for a long space of time resided at his estate a determined bachelor with somewhat of misanthropy, and a great deal of good nature about him. If you please I will introduce you to him ;-Colonel Caustic, this is a very particular friend of mine, who solicits the honor of being known to you.” The Colonel kissed me on both cheeks; and seeming to take a liking to my face, we appeared mutually disposed to be very soon acquainted. Our conversation naturally began on the assembly, which I observed to be a full one. 66 Why, yes," said the Colonel, "here is crowd enough, and to spare; and yet your ladies seem to have been at a loss for partners. I suppose the greatest part of the men, or rather boys, whom I see now standing up to dance, have been brought in to make up a set, as people in the country sometimes fill up the places in a dance with chairs, to help them to go through the figure. But as I came too late for the minuets, I presume the dressed gentlemen walked up stairs after they were ended.” "Why, Sir, there are now-a-day no minuets." "No minuets!" (looking for a while at the company on the floor;)-"I don't wonder at it." Why, perhaps, Colonel," said I, "these young gentlemen have not quite an aspect serious enough for the pas grave; and yet yonder is one standing with his back to the fire-" Why, yes, there is something of gravity, of almost melancholy, on his face." "Yes, melancholy and gentleman-like," said I," as Master Stephen in the play has it." "Why, that young man, Sir,-now that I have observed him closer, with that roll of handkerchief about his neck, his square-cut striped vest, his large metal buttons, and nankeen breeches,-Why, Sir, 'tis a stable-boy out of place!" 66 66 66 66 Pray, who are those gentlemen," said Colonel Caustic, "who have ranged themselves in a sort of phalanx at the other end of the room, and seem like the devil in Milton, to carry stern defiance on their brow ?"-"I have not the honor of there acquaintance," I replied: "but some of them, I presume, from the cockades in their hats," "You do not say so," interrupted the Colonel. "Is that the military air of the present day? But you must be mistaken; they cannot be real soldiers: militia, or train-band subalterns, believe me, who, having neither seen ser vice nor good company, contrive to look fierce, in order to avoid looking sheepish. I remember indeed of old, some of our boys used to put on that fierce air in coffee-houses and taverns; but they could never dream of wearing it before the ladies.”—“I think, however," said Mr. S-, smiling, "the ladies don't seem much afraid of them.' Why, your ladies," answered the Colonel," to say truth, have learned to look people in the face. During the little while I have been in town, I have met with some in my walks, in great coats, riding hats, and rattans, whom I could not show an eye to; but I am newly come from the country; I shall keep a better countenance by and by. At that moment a lady and her party, for whose appearance the dancers were waiting, were just entering the room, and seemed in a great hurry to get forward. Their progress, however, was a good deal impeded by a tall stout young man, who had taken his station just at the threshold, and leaning his back against one of the doorposts, with his right foot placed firm on the end of a bench, was picking his teeth with a perfect nonchalance to every thing around him. I saw the Colonel fasten a very angry look on him, and move his hand with a sort of involuntary motion towards my cane. The ladies had now got through the defile, and we stood back to make way for them. "Was there ever such a brute ?" said Colonel Caustic. The young gentleman stalked up to the place where we were standing, put up his glass to his eye, looked hard at the Colonel, and then put it down again. The Colonel took snuff. "Our sex," said I, "Colonel, is not perhaps improved in its public appearance: but I think you will own the other is not less beautiful than it was." He cast his eye round for a few minutes before he answered me. "Why, yes," said he, "Sir, here are many pretty, very pretty girls. That young lady in blue is a very pretty girl. I remember her grandmother at the same age; she was a fine woman.' 29 -"But the one next her, with that fanciful cap, and the panache of red and white feathers, with that elegant form, that striking figure, is not she a fine woman?"— "Why, no, Sir, not quite a fine woman; not quite such a woman as a man, (raising his chest as he pronounced the word man, and pressing the points of his three unemployed fingers gently on his bosom,) as a man would be proud to stake his life for." "But in short, Sir," continued he," I speak to you because you look like one that can understand me.- -There is nothing about a woman's person merely (were she formed like the Venus de Medicis,) that can constitute a fine woman. There is something in the look, the manner, the voice, and still more the silence, of such a one as I mean, that has no connexion with any thing material; at least no more than just to make one think such a soul is lodged as it deserves.-In short, Sir, a fine woman-I could have shown you some examples formerly.—I mean, however, no disparagement to the young ladies here; none upon my honor; they are as well made, and if not better dressed, at least more dressed, than their predecessors; and their complexions I think are better. But I am an old fellow, and apt to talk foolishly." _66 "I suspect, Caustic," said my friend Mr. S, “you and I are not quite competent judges of this matter. Were the partners of our dancing days to make their appearance here, with their humble foretops and brown unpowdered ringlets”—“Why, what then, Mr. S- ?"—" Why, I think those high heads would overtop them a little, that's all." "Why, as for the panache," replied the Colonel, "I have no objection to the ornament itself; there is something in the waving movement of it that is graceful, and not undignified; but in every sort of dress there is a certain character, a certain relation which it holds to the wearer. Yonder now, you'll forgive me, Sir, (turning to me) yonder is a set of girls, I suppose, from their looks and their giggling, but a few weeks from the nursery, whose feathers are in such agitation, whisked about, high and low, on this side and on that"-"Why, Sir, 'tis like the Countess of Cassowar's menagerie, scared by the entrance of her lapdog." "As to dress indeed in general," continued the Colonel, "that of a man or woman of fashion should be such as to mark some attention to appearance, some deference to society. The young men I see here, look as if they had just had time to throw off their boots after a foxchase. But yet dress is only an accessory, that should seem to belong to the wearer, and not the wearer to it. Some of the young ladies opposite to us are so made up of ornaments, so stuck round with finery, that an illnatured observer might say, their milliner had sent them hither, as she places her doll in her shop window, to exhibit her wares to the company." Mr. S- was going to reply, when he was stopped by the noise of a hundred tongues, which approached like a gathering storm from the card room. 'Twas my Lady Rumpus, with a crowd of women and a mob of men in her suite. They were people of too much consequence to have any of that deference for society which the Colonel talked of. My nerves and those of my friend S, though not remarkably weak, could barely stand their approach; but Colonel Caustic's were quite overpowered. We accompanied him in his retreat out of the dancing room, and after drinking a dish of tea, by way of sedative, as the physicians phrase it, he called for his chair, and went home. While we were sitting in the tea room, Mr. S- undertook "We the apology of my Lady Rumpus and her followers. must make allowance," said he, "for the fashion of the times. In these days, precision of manners is exploded, and ease is the mode.""--"Ease!" said the Colonel, wiping his forehead. " "Why, in your days," said Mr. Sง "and I may say in mine too, for I believe there is not much between us, were there not sometimes fantastic modes, which people of rank had brought into use, and which were called genteel because such people practised them, though the word might not just apply to them in the abstract?"—"I understand you, S-," said the Colonel; "there were such things; some irregularities that broke out now and then. There were madcaps of both sexes, that would venture on strange things; but they were in a style somewhat above the canaille; ridiculous enough, I grant you, but not perfectly absurd; coarse, it might be, but not downright vulgar. In all ages, I suppose, people of condition did sometimes entrench themselves behind their titles or their high birth, and committed offences against what lesser folks would call decorum, and yet were allowed to be well bred all the while; were sometimes a little gross and called it witty; and a little rude, and called it raillery but 'twas false coinage, and never passed along. Indeed, I have generally remarked, that people did so only because they could not do better; 'tis like pleading privilege for a debt which a man's own funds do not enable him to pay. A great man may perhaps be well bred in a manner which little people do not understand; but, trust me, he is a greater man who is well bred in a manner that every body understands." : [No. 6. SATURDAY, MARCH 12, 1785.] A FEW mornings ago I was agreeably surprised with a very early call from my newly acquired friend Colonel Caustic. ""Tis on a foolish piece of business," said he, "I give you the trouble of this visit. You must know I had an appointment with your friend Sto go to the play this evening, which a particular affair that has come across him will prevent his keeping; and as a man, after making such an arrangement, feels it irksome to be disappointed, (at least it is so with an old methodical fellow like me,) I have taken the liberty of calling, to ask if you will supply his place. I might have had one or two other conductors; but it is only with certain people I choose to go to such places. Seeing a play, or indeed any thing else, won't do, at my time of life, either alone, or in company not quite to one's mind. 'Tis like drinking a bottle of claret: the liquor is something; but nine-tenths of the bargain are in the companion with whom one drinks it." As he spoke this, he gave me his hand with such an air of cordiality-methought we had been acquainted these forty years;-I took it with equal warmth, and assured him, truly, it would give me infinite pleasure to attend him. When we went to the theatre in the evening, and while I was reading the box-list, to determine where we should endeavor to find a place, a lady of the Colonel's acquaintance happening to come in, begged our acceptance of places in her box. We entered accordingly; and I placed my old friend in a situation where I thought he could most conveniently command a view both of the company and of the stage. He had never been in our present house before, and allowed, that in size and convenience it exceeded the old one, though he would not grant so much as the lady and I demanded on that score. "I know," said he, "you are in the right; but one don't easily get rid of first impressions: I can't make you conceive what a play was to me some fifty years ago, with what feelings I heard the last music begin, nor how my heart beat when it ceased."—" Why, it is very true, Colonel," said the lady, "one can't retain those feelings always."-"It is something," said I, "to have had them once."—"Why if I may judge from the little I have seen,” replied the Colonel," your young folks have no time for them now-adays; their pleasures begin so early, and come so thick.”— "Tis the way to make the most of their time."—" Pardon me, madam," said he, "I don't think so; 'tis like the difference between your hothouse asparagus and my garden ones; the last have their green and their white; but the first is tasteless from the very top." The lady had not time to study the allusion; for her company began to come into the box, and continued coming in during all the first act of the comedy. On one side of Colonel Caustic sat a lady with a Lunardi hat; before him was placed one with a feathered head-dress. Lunardi and the feathers talked and nodded to one another about an appointment at a milliner's next morning. I sat quite behind, as is my custom, and betook myself to meditation. The Colonel was not quite so patient: he tried to see the stage, and got a flying vizzy now and then; but in the last attempt, he got such a whisk from Miss Feathers on one cheek, and such a poke from the wires of Miss Lunardi on t'other, that he was fain to give up the matter of seeing; as to hearing, it was out of the question. 66 I hope, Colonel, you have been well entertained," said the mistress of the box at the end of the act. 66 Wonderfully well,” |