4.

If you are afflicted with the malady of blushing-to read in the complacent smile of a coxcomb who has accosted you, that he thinks you are interested in his attentions.

5.

A carriage which is of little or no use to you, because your coachman generally chooses either to be sick himself, or that his horses should be lame yet you are afraid to part with him, as, unluckily, he is a careful driver, and extremely sober, and you a great coward.

6.

A termagant cook, who suffers neither yourself nor your servants to have a moment's peace-yet as she is an excellent cook, and your husband a great epicure, (excuse me, Mr. Testy,) you are obliged to smother your feelings, and seem both blind and deaf to all her tantrums.

7.

Working, half asleep, at a beautiful piece of fine netting, in the evening and on returning to it in the morning, discovering that you have totally ruined it.

Substitit, infremuitque ferox, et inhorruit armos !"

8.

Virg.

Snapping your thread quite close to your work, so that you you cannot join it without picking out the knot—that is, breaking two or three loops.

9.

Being disappointed by a hair dresser, on a ball night, when you have left your hair totally uncurled, in full dependence upon him: in this emergency, being obliged to accept the offered services of a kind female friend, who makes you an absolute fright; but she being much older than yourself, and of

acknowledged judgment, you dare not pull it all to pieces, and if you should, you have neither time nor skill to put it to rights again.

10.

At a ball-being asked by two or three puppies" why you don't dance?"—and asked no more questions, by these, or any other gentlemen, on the subject: on your return home, being pestered with examinations and cross examinations, whether you danced-with whom you danced-why you did not dance, &c. &c.; the friend with whom you went, complaining, all the time, of being worried to death with solicitations to dance, the whole evening

11.

At a long table, after dinner, the eyes of the whole company drawn upon you by a loud observation that you are strikingly like Mrs. or Miss...........particularly when you smile.

12.

The only thimble which you ever could get to fit you exact. ly, rolling off the table unheeded; then-crushed to death in a moment by the splay foot of a servant.

13.

After having consumed three years on a piece of tambour work, which has been the wonder of the female world, leaving it, on the very day you have finished it, in the hackney coach, in which you were exultingly carrying it to the friend, whom you intended to surprise with it as a present: afterwards, repeatedly advertising-all in vain.

14.

After dinner, when the ladies retire with you from a party of very pleasant men, having to entertain, as you can, half a score of empty, or formal females; then, after a decent time has elapsed, and your patience and topics are equally exhausted, ringing for the tea, &c. which you sit making in despair, for above two hours; having, three or four times, sent word.

to the gentleman that it is ready, and overheard your husband at the last message, answer, "Very well-another bottle of wine." By the time that the tea and coffee are quite cold, they arrive, continuing, as they enter, and for an hour afterwards, their political disputes, occasionally suspended, on the part of the master of the house, by a reasonable complaint, to his lady, at the coldness of the coffee ;-soon after, the carriages are announced, and the visitors disperse.

15.

On retiring, after dinner, without a female companion, being requested by one of the party to permit a stupid gawky boy of about 14 to accompany you: in this distress, you can neither have recourse to books, of which he knows nothing, nor to music, which he declares himself to hate; so that, after having extorted from him how many brothers and sisters he has, what school he goes to, and what are the games now in season, you are condemned to total silence, which is interrupted only by the squeaks of your favourite puppy or kitten, as he amuseęs himself by pinching and plaguing it during the remainder of 'the tete a tete.

16.

At a ball-when you have set your heart on dancing with a particular favourite-at the moment when you delightedly see him advancing towards you, being briskly accosted by a conceited simpleton at your elbow, whom you cannot endure, but who obtains, (because you know not in what manner to refuse) "the honour of your hand" for the evening.

Sen. Upon my word, Madam, tolerably unhappy, for a lady..

.......

Ned Tes. For a lady!-nay, Sir, " Ærumnosa, et Miseriarum compos, Mulier;"-by which Plautus means, mother, that a Woman is, to the full, as much up to Misery as a Man.

Sen. You have interrupted me, Mr. Edward; I was going on to say-for a lady who enjoys the admiration of one sex, and the envy of the other.

Mrs. Tes. There!-there!-Mr. Testy.

Tes. O yes, Mrs. Testy, there is Mr. Sensitive, as you say; and there is his politeness;-but where is his sincerity?

Well, Sensitive-we seem, then, to have pretty well prepared our briefs in this grand Calamity Cause. of ours-save a few miscellaneous items, to be added at our leisure:-I can't tell how long a time you will require to hearten yourself for the next consultation; all I can say is, that, as you are Mind, you know, you must govern, of course; and you will find Body at your service, whenever you may be pleased to call for it.

R

DIALOGUE THE TWELFTH. ·

MISERIES MISCELLANEOUS.

11000

TESTY, SENIOR AND JUNIOR.-SENSITIVE.

Testy."

YOUR servant, Sensitive; I am glad to see you wound up to another meeting; when we last parted, your weights seemed to be quite down, I thought. Since that time, we have both been equally busy, I reckon, in gleaning up such little odd tortures, of all sorts, as we had left behind at our general harvest. For my own share, I have cocked up a toler> able shock of 'em.

Sen. Mr. Testy, I am yours would I could add that I am my own!-but, to say the truth, the cruel necessity of retracing my footsteps through so many galling journies of life, in quest of missing Miseries, or stray Groans, has well nigh overwhelmed me ; nor do I feel myself much enlivened by the prospect immediately before me, of counting over my collections.

Tes. Cheer up,Sensitive!-remember our rivals!we are now within sight of the goal; and winning horses, like you and me, should scorn to complain of being a little out of wind in the race.