Many of their boasted traverses will be found to transform themselves into benefits; as I will evidence in a few instances already quoted, and as I might easily do in more. "A Hurricane," when the first flurry of its arrival is over, retires as briskly as it advanced; and if it has removed a few crazy houses, it gratifies their late inhabitants with a valuable opportunity of rebuilding them, on corrected principles both of strength and taste. "Shipwreck" is not unfrequently found to be an agent, (an ungentle one, I would not deny it,) for the Humane Society, by saving the sufferers from drowning.

Tes. Well done, my boy! all's well so far: but how for Sickness ?-For really, after all, I'm half afraid there's no fun in a fever!

Sen. Surely, Sir; is it possible you should not have observed that sickness is yet more lavish of accommodations, which it even improves, with its own improving strength; at its maturer periods, more especially, it confers unlimited leisure for reflection, by the soothing stillness, and unbroken privacy which is enjoyed; while it totally exonerates from the toils of business, or study, and even from the lightest cares of a family: it guarantees from the pernicious consequences of turbulent exercises, by the horizontal posture which it unceasingly prescribes: it bridles a roving disposition, by bringing its owner acquainted with retirement, in the most unqualified of all its forms: it absorbs disturbing recollections in the still livelier and more awakening interests of the passing

moment; as well as suspends the activity of the antisocial passions, by attracting the attention of the whole man to his own personal sensations: it befriends temperance, by the infantine simplicity of diet which it introduces it wards off the varied injuries of the open air, by requiring the party to inhale, a thousand times over, the cherishing, equable, and safely treasured atmosphere of a chamber: it wholesomely instils the advantages of frugality, by its exhausting influence on the purse of the patient; and, as the crown of all its indulgences, it attests the watchful alacrity of friendship, by imposing a constant and absolute dependance upon the humanity of others, for every the most minute article, whether of comfort or necessity.

So much for the mock miseries of our enemies, of the coarser class. As for their nobler order of calamities

Tes. That's right, Sensitive, follow them up!whining dogs! don't leave 'em a foot of misery to stand upon; they deserve a few of our sort of sorrows, if 'twere only to teach them the difference between hard and soft.

Sen. You break the chain of my thoughts, Mr. Testy I was going to say, if I recollect, that even with respect to their higher class of calamities, insults, disappointments, treacheries, and all that family of mental mortifications, upon which they delight to dwell; if my nerves could speak, they would deliver such an oration,under each corresponding division of our catalogue, as, I doubt not, would, on an open

trial of the rival titles, be strong enough to turn the Judge

Tes. Yes, and starve out the most obstinate Pig of the Jury.

Sen. Were I, however, employed to lead the cause on our side, I might, perhaps, content myself by citing in this part, the celebrated sentence pronounced by another Orator, on another occasion; with no other alteration than that of reversing the majority of its verbs" Nam cætera neque temporum sunt, neque ætatum omnium, neque locorum; at hæc studia* adolescentiam carpunt, senectutem affligunt; secundas res foedant, adversis perfugium ac solatium adimunt ; excruciant domi, necnon impediunt foris; pernoctant nobiscum, peregrinantur, rusticantur." Cicero.

Tes. No, no; give it them in plain English, pray, while you are about it; when a man is in earnest, he always talks in his mother tongue; besides, quoting from a dead language looks a little like skulking, and that's not at all in my way, as you know; and so I bar Latin, mind; or if you must play the pedant, I'll be at your back, and keep translating at them, as you spout away.

Sen.

Had you heard me patiently to an end, Sir, you would have found that I had done with Cicero, and was proceeding to defend our cause in our own language; as, with your permission, I will now do :

B 2

*Studia; i. e, studies in the school of misfortune.

Cast then but a glance on man, and man's addictions; or look at his stations and aberrations, as delineated in our general map of the world; and what will you discover?" Horresco referens!"-an universal wilderness of blanks or blots!-What, my poor Sir, are the senses, but five yawning inlets to hourly and momentary molestations?—What is your House, while you are in it, but a prison filled with nests of little reptiles; of insect annoyances; which torment you the more, because they cannot kill you? and what is the same house when you are out of it, but a shelter, out of reach, from the hostilities of the skies? What is the Country, but a sandy desert at one season, or a swallowing quagmire at another?What the Town,but an upper Tartarus of smoke, and din? What are Carriages, but cages upon wheels ?— What are riding Horses,but purchased enemies,whom you pamper into strength, as well as inclination, to kick your brains out?-What are Theatres, but li censed repositories for ill told lies, or stifling shambles for the voluntary sacrifice of time, health, money, and morals?-A Senatorial Debate, (when you have fought your way to it,) what is it but a national Main of Cocks? What are Games, Sports, and Exercises, but devices of danger and fatigue to the performers, and schools of surgery to the practitioner who may happen to look on?-What are Society, and Solitude, but, each, an alternate hiding place from the persecutions of the other?-Libraries !-What are they but the sepulchres of gaiety, or conversato

ries for the seedlings of disease?-Nay, to descend still lower, what are the indispensable processes of Eating and Drinking, but practical lectures on the art of spoiling food?—or what even the familiar operations of Dressing and Undressing, but stinging remembrancers of the privileged nakedness of the savage? Which, now, my friend, is "the worse," and which "the better reason

Tes. Bravo! bravo! Sensitive ;-I see the hopes of our enemies already in the dust!—Yes, yes; it is plain enough that when the trial comes on, I may safely leave you to flourish, while I fume ;-I must beg, though, Mr. Orator, that when the trial does come on, you won't take up the whole of your argument with spirit, fibre, and feeling; but make a little room for honest matter; and do the senses, limbs, and other coarse materials of humanity, the honour of paying them a little flattering attention ;-as, indeed, I am glad to observe that you have done, in your grand survey just finished. So much, then, for generals as to particulars, we shall find no great difficulty in gathering, and sorting, our single specimens:

O yes! a store house of " miseries," or a chest of "groans," might be soon filled, and............

Sen. Admirably imagined! Mr. Testy! your idea had entirely escaped me, and I embrace it with both my arms. We shall not have far to ramble, as you seem to say, in botanizing for weeds, nettles, and histles; let us, from this time, pursue the search;