ON A LADY WHO HAD FINE EYES,
BUT A BAD VOICE.

LUCETTA'S charms our hearts surprise
At once with joy and wonder;

She bears Jove's lightning in her

But in her voice his thunder.

eyes,

EPITAPH ON A LAWYER.

ENTOMB'D within this vault a Lawyer lies,
Who, Fame assureth us, was just and wise,
An able advocate, and honest too.

That's wond'rous strange, indeed!—if it be true.

FORTITUDE.

My sickly spouse, with many a sigh,
Oft tells me-" Billy, I shall die."
I griev'd; but recollected straight,
"Tis bootless to contend with fate.

So resignation to heav'n's will
Prepar'd me for succeeding ill:
"Twas well I did; for, on my life,
"Twas heaven's will to spare my wife.

THE STOIC.

BRUTUS unmov'd heard how his Portia fell; Should Jack's wife die-he would behave as well.

DR. JOHNSON'S GHOST AND MRS. PIOZZI.

WHEN this lady published a volume of Dr. Johnson's private and confidential letters, she was supposed to have been actuated more by vanity and interest than a regard to the literary reputation of the Doctor; whose Ghost, offended at the liberty she had taken, is supposed to address her in the following epigrammatic lines:

WHERE Streatham spread its plenteous board,
I open'd learning's valued hoard,

And, as I feasted, pros'd:

Good things I said, good things I cat,
I gave you knowledge for your meat,
And thought th' account was clos'd.

If obligations still I ow'd,

You sold each item to the crowd;
I suffer'd by the tale:

For God's sake, Madam, let me rest,

Nor longer vex your quondam guest-
I'll pay you for your ale.

DRYDEN AND BLACKMORE.

BLACKMORE's poem of Prince Arthur was the subject of much criticism: Dryden was very solicitous to expose its absurdity, and in particular pointed out the following couplet as a genuine bull:

A coat of mail Prince Vortigern had on,

Which from a naked Pict his grandsire won.

Who does not see, adds Dryden, the absurdity of winning a coat from a naked man? Allied to this species of bull is the following alteration of a school copy, with a view of enforcing more strictly the necessity of diligence

Laziness will clothe a man with rags:

which was thus altered by a pedagogue, Laziness will clothe a man with nakedness.

EPIGRAM.

-JACK, a true buck, would fain a Rector be, Games with my Lord, and drinks-sits up till three: Quit quickly, Jack, this dang'rous mode of thriving; You'll get your death, before you get your living.

ANECDOTE OF DEAN SWIFT.

:

"A pig, if

"where did

THE Dean was not remarkable for a generous disposition. A farmer, wishing to conciliate him, sent him, by his son, a present of a pig. The boy appeared unwilling to go; alleging, that the Dean never gave him any thing but being compelled, he presented himself to the Dean, with "Here's a pig, if you'll have it."I'll have it, boy!" replied the Dean; you learn your manners? Give me the pig, and I'll instruct you to deliver a message." The boy accordingly gave the pig; and the Dean, with great politeness, accosted the boy with "Sir, my father's compliments, and desires your acceptance of a pig." To which the lad very shrewdly replied, "Return my compliments to your father, and tell him I'm obliged to him; and (putting his hand in his pocket) here's half-a-crown for your trouble in bringing it."

ON A COMPANY OF BAD DANCERS.

[BUDGELL..]

How ill the motion with the music suits!

So Orpheus fiddled, and so danc'd the brutes.

D

LORD ERSKINE AND LADY PAYNE.

THE present Chancellor being taken ill at Lady Payne's, she very obligingly persuaded him to lie down: when return'd, somewhat recovered from his indisposition, he presented her with the following distich:

'Tis true I am ill, but I need not complain,

For he never knew pleasure who never knew Payne *. * i. e. pain.

THE MODERN FAIR.

FALSE rumps, false teeth, false hair, false faces;
Alas! poor man! how hard thy case is:
Instead of woman, lovely woman's charms,
To clasp cork, gum, wool, varnish, in thy arms.

EPITAPH ON A SAILOR.

WHETHER Sailor or not, for a moment avast!
Poor Tom's mizen top-sail is laid to the mast;
He will never turn out, or more heave the lead;
He's now all aback, nor will sails shoot a-head:
He always was brisk, and, tho' now gone to wreck,
When he hears the last whistle, he'll jump upon deck.