ON A GENTLEMAN WHO MARRIED HIS MISTRESS.

GOD's noblest works are honest men,

Says Pope's instructive line;
To make an honest woman, then,
Most surely is divine.

ON

DR. HOLLAND'S TRANSLATION OF SUETONIUS.
PHILEMON with Translations so does fill us,
He will not let Suetonius be tranquillus.

EPIGRAM..

A single Doctor like a sculler plies,
And all his art and all his physic tries;
But two physicians, like a pair of oars,
Conduct you soonest to the Stygian shores.

A MATRIMONIAL CASE.

My Lord and my Lady scold, wrangle, and fight,
Yet are both of one mind, and are both in the right:
She calls him a fool-he knows he's not wise;
He calls her a whore-and she can't say he lies..

LINES

ON.

LORD PEMBROKE'S WHITEWASHING THE BACK

OF HIS HOUSE, NEXT THE THAMES.

[Supposed to be written by a Waterman.]

UPON the Thames I daily row'd

Full twenty years or thirty,

When Pembroke's earl his backside show'd,
Black, yellow, brown, and dirty.

But lately, as I pass'd, I cried,
(So white and clean it made is),
This cannot be my Lord's backside,
It surely is my Lady's.

EPIGRAM.

Do you, said Fanny, t'other day,

In earnest love me, as you say?

Or are those tender words applied

Alike to fifty girls beside?

Dear, cruel girl, cried I, forbear!

For by those eyes, those lips, I swear

She stopp'd me, as the oath I took,

And cried, you've sworn-now kiss the book.

ON A PHYSICIAN AND PARSON WHO HAD BOTH ABUSED HIM.

[BY DRYDEN.]

WOULD'ST thou be damn'd at once, and perish whole,

Trust Blackmore with thy health, and Milbourne with thy soul.

EPIGRAM.

DRINK, says old Sophist, and then fear no evil;
'Tis thus alone that we can cheat the Devil:
He walketh thro' dry places-this we know,
And so keep wetting wheresoe'er we go.

MARTIAL, LIB. II. EP. 58.

YOU'RE fine, and ridicule my threadbare gown: Threadbare indeed it is; but 'tis my own.

DE MORTUIS NIL NISI BONUM.

HERE lies my wife-Reader, enough is said;
Good only should be spoken of the dead.

LINES OF LOPEZ DE VEGA,

CARICATURED BY DR. JOHNSON.

Se acquien los leones vence,
Vence una muger hermosa,
O el de flaco averguence,
O ella di sei mus furiosa.

IMITATED.

If the man who turnips cries-
Cry not when his father dies,
"Tis a sign that he had rather
Have a turnip than his father.

D'ANNE LA NOIRE.

Anne se faisoit à croire
Que se lavant dans cette eau,
Blanche y deviendroit sa peau,
Mais sa peau rendit l'eau noire.

IMITATED.

ANN, in yon transparent laver Though to wash your face you seem, Trust me, 'tis a vain endeavour,

You but soil the limpid stream.

ON SHELDON'S ANATOMICAL SCHOOL, IN GREAT

QUEEN-STREET,

BEING CONVERTED INTO

AN UNDERTAKER'S SHOP.

WHERE once dissecting Sheldon lectur'd crowds,
A funeral-monger now exhibits shrowds,
And, like the first possessor of the place,
Imprisons many a dead man in a case.

SCHOLASTIC WIT.

WHEN Dr. Jeggon was Master of Bennet College, he punished all the under-graduates, for some general offence, by a pecuniary fine; and because he disdained to convert the penalty-money to his own use, he expended it in whitewashing the hall of the college. A scholar wrote the following distich upon the screen :

Dr. Jeggon, Bennet College Master,

Broke the Scholars heads, and gave the Walls a plaster.

Upon perusing which, the Doctor wrote underneath,
Knew I but the wag who wrote these lines in bravery,
I'd commend him for his wit, but whip him for his knavery,