Nay more; don't suppose This account of her merits must come to a close; Sat her kinsman M'Bride, Her cousin, fourteen times removed -as you'll see you look at the Ingoldsby family tree, If In " Burke's Commoners," vol. 20, page 53. Too, with the pedigree, Where, among the collateral branches, appears, While she was a knitting, Or hemming, or stitching, or darning and fitting, Some very "wise saw" from some very good book, Some such pious divine as St. Thomas Aquinas; Or, Equally charming The works of Bellarmine; Or else he unravels The "voyages and travels" Of Hackluytz-how sadly these Dutch names do sully verse Purchas's, Hawksworth's, or Lemuel Gulliver's Not to name others 'mongst whom are few so It was always the same, The Captain was reading aloud to the dame, Till, from having gone through half the books on the shelf, it happened one day, I really can't say The particular month- but I think 'twas in May,'Twas, I know, in the Spring time, when "Nature looks gay," As the poet observes, and on treetop and spray When the grass is so green, and the sun is so bright, An egg A light breakfast - bacon, with a little broiled haddock -at most Cups (with sugar and cream) of strong Gunpowder tea, Mix "black" with our "Hyson," Neither having the nerves of a bull or a bison, He had called for his hat, With the brim that I've said was so broad and so flat, And the grass, when unearthing his worms and his grubs Thus armed, he set out on a ramble- alack! He set out, poor dear Soul! - but he never came back! "First" dinner-bell rang Out its euphonious clang At five-folks kept early hours then-and the "Last" And Thompson, the Valet, And every one else was beginning to bless himself, Looked gravely at Sally, As who should say, "Truth must not always be told!" Lambs'-wool stockings, and shoes, Of each a fresh pair, He put down to air, And hung a clean shirt to the fire on a chair Still the Master was absent the Cook came and said "he Much fear'd, as the dinner had been so long ready, The roast and the boil'd Would be all of it spoil'd, And the puddings, her Ladyship thought such a treat, ""T would be folly to wait," Said the Lady, "Dish up! Let the meal be served straight; And let two or three slices be put in a plate, And kept hot for Sir Thomas, He's lost, sure as fate! Wearily, wearily, all that night, That live-long night, did the hours go by; In grief and in pain, She sat herself down to cry!. And Captain M'Bride Who sat by her side, Though I really can't say that he actually cried, As much as can well be expected, perhaps, What he 'd got in his head, 'T would have been "Poor old Buffer! he 's certainly dead!" And all the mansion were still perplex'd; No watch dog "bay'd a welcome home," as His approach to tell, Not so much as a runaway ring at the bell- "And thus 't will be, nor long the day, Ere we, like him, shall pass away! Yon sun that now our bosom warms, The one loved name- shall yet be there;- These were hinted to me as The very ideas Which passed through the mind of the fair Lady Jane, Of course at her side, Who could not look quite so forlorn, though he tried. That if" poor dear Sir Thomas" should really be dead, A lady slim and tall, To set himself down in comfort there The Lord of Tapton* Hall. Half over Kent, - And nobody knows how much money 's been spent, The familiar abbreviation for Tappington Everard still in use among the tenanty. Vide Prefatory Introduction to the Ingoldsby Legends. - The groom, who's been over To Folkstone ard Dover, Can't get any tidings at all of the rover! Here's a fortnight and more has gone by, and we 've tried Stolen or strayed, Lost or mislaid, A GENTLEMAN; middle-aged, sober, and staid; And a hat rather lower-crown'd, and broad in the brim, Shall bear Or send him, with care, (Right side uppermost) home; - or shall give notice where. The said middle-aged Gentleman is; or shall state Any fact that may tend to throw light on his fate, To the man at the turnpike called TAPPINGTON-GATE, Had he been above ground He MUST have been found. -or he 's drown'd! No doubtless he 's shot -or he's hang'd- To address her at once- at so early a day? Well - what then? - who cares? let 'em say what they may suffice it, her Charms will excuse one for casting sheep's eyes at her!" As Captain M'Bride did, And once fully made up his mind on the matter, he He began on the instant, and vow'd that "her eyes Far exceeded in brilliance the stars in the skies, That her lips were like roses her cheeks were like lilies - With a thousand more compliments equally true, And expressed in similitudes equally new! Round her jimp, taper waist- Which always betokens dismay or disaster, Crying out 'T was the Gardener-"Oh, ma'm! we've found master!!" "Where? where ?" scream'd the lady; and Echo scream'd "Where?" The man couldn't say "There! He had no breath to spare, He stooped;- and he thought her His own; Got hold of her tail, When he had caught her! and to land almost brought her, - he plump'd head and heels into fifteen feet water! The Lady Jane was tall and slim, The Lady Jane was fair Alas, for Sir Thomas! she grieved for him, As she saw two serving-men, sturdy of limb, She sobbed, and she sighed; she lamented, and cried, She swooned, and I think she 'd have fallen down and died Had not been by her side, With the Gardener; they both their assistance supplied, The sight which the corpse reveals! It looked so odd he Was half eaten up by the eels! His waistcoat and hose, and the rest of his clothes, An eel they drew, And from each of his pockets they pulled out two! For, when he came running to give the alarm, Good Father John * And masses were sung and masses were said, But Lady Jane was tall and slim, And Lady Jane was fair, And, ere morning came, that winsome dame Had made up her mind- or, what's much the same, To Thompson, the valet, while taking away, I've ate; but any So good ne'er tasted before!— For some account of Father John Ingoldsby, to whose papers I am so much be holden, see Ingoldsby's Legends, first series, p. 216, (2d Edit.) This was the last ecclesiastical act of his long and valuable life." |