convince us of,-that this is no other than the case of each and every one of us who does not from the heart forgive his brother their trespasses.

XXXVIII.

RECONCILEMENT OF DISPUTES.

PROVERBS XVII. 14.

"The beginning of strife is, as when one letteth out water. Therefore leave off contention before it be meddled with."

THERE is not found throughout the Book of Proverbs, or in any book indeed either of ancient or modern morality, a maxim which contains more of truth and wisdom, or which we see more frequently verified by instances of public and private misfortunes, than this of the text. The meaning is plain. As in a bank by which waters are confined, the first breach is generally small, easily prevented, or as easily repaired; but if the flood be suffered even for a short time to gain head and go on, the torrent soon gathers force and violence, continually working its passage wider, till it bears down every obstacle that opposes it, and overwhelms the country with deluge and ruins; admitting perhaps of no remedy which human art or strength can apply, or requiring operations so expensive as to impoverish all who are concerned in them, so is it with the beginning of strife. Some small slight or neglect,-some frivolous dispute,-some affront scarcely perceptible, easily avoided, and at first as easily made up,-commonly lays the foundation of those quarrels and animosities which, in private life, are sure to make those miserable who are involved in them; and when they fall out between persons or parties of powerful and extensive influence, are apt to fill a whole neighbourhood with rancour, calumny, and confusion. The breach at first might have been closed up with little cost or trouble. It is seldom that the occasion of the dispute is worth a thousandth part of the uneasiness which each side suffers by it; or that there is any proportion between the importance of a quarrel and the heat with which it is carried on. A hasty, angry, or inadvertent word, or sometimes not so much as that, even a cold, suspicious, or unkind look, may be enough to give birth to a contention which in its progress and

effects may involve a whole neighbourhood-may divide friends, disturb families, set up unnecessary parties and odious distinctions, put an end to all the comfortable intercourse of society; and what is much more to be lamented, to all charity and goodwill and good offices one towards another. What does either side gain? What do not both sides lose?—lose in the composure and tranquillity of their own minds, in the society of those about them, in the opportunities of performing and receiving kind offices, which render the journey of life easy and comfortable. As the causes of the bitterest quarrels are generally the most frivolous, so condescensions equally unimportant would in the early stages of the dispute generally close and heal them. A soft expression, a friendly countenance, a kind salutation, are all probably it would have cost to reconcile enmities which have since become fierce, implacable, and deep-rooted. "But we must not condescend-we must maintain our right-we must not be wanting to our dignity-we are ready to accept acknowledgement, but we will not yield or give way first? We have declared our resolution, and it were meanness to give it in!" Whilst both sides choose to argue thus, both sides may entertain an internal desire of reconciliation, and yet never be reconciled. The opportunity will soon be lost. The season of peace will soon be over. Offences are easily given, where both sides are on the watch to take them. Jealousy and suspicion are apt to convert undesigned words and actions into marks of what is already believed to be lurking within. One shyness is returned with another. Every return becomes a fresh injury, and every injury requires a fresh retaliation. The distance between the parties is rapidly increasing, till all connexion and communication becomes odious to both. They no more approach each other, and therefore have no more opportunity, if they sought it, of bringing one another back to their former friendship. They are alienated incurably, and for life. A riveted hostility takes place. Mutual reproach and mutual railing, invective, slander, and backbiting, are sure to follow. It is become a gratification and a triumph in each to depress and mortify the other. Thus are two neighbours and two friends set down for life to torment each other and themselves,-not without almost constant disquietude and heart-ache; I may say also, with a constant violation of God Almighty's laws. Are not the evils and calamities of life enow? Is not the distress we suffer from sickness, from

the loss of friends, from unavoidable misfortunes sufficient, that we must aggravate and magnify it by quarrels amongst ourselves? Disputes of real moment and of serious consequence will sometimes arise between parties peaceably and amicably inclined; but such disputes, we may observe, are generally conducted with decency and with moderation. It is for small, and sometimes only imaginary affronts, from minute, or perhaps only suspected incivilities; from contests about insignificant forms and ceremonies; from a passion to be thought greater than some other, whom we have taken it into our heads to view with eyes of rivalship and jealousy-it is from causes like these that the bitterest quarrels take their beginnings. It is haughtiness and impetuosity of temper from which dissensions usually commence; that is to say, a hasty, peevish, or captious pride begins them; and that stiffness which borrows the name of firmness, dignity, or consistency of character, but which is in truth, and which we should probably call in another, mere obstinacy and stubbornness, continues them. At least these are the infirmities of temper to which many are subject; and these are the infirmities which if " we would wish to see good days"-if we would wish "to pass the time of our sojourning here" in ease and quietness, we must endeavour to overcome.

If I can offer any brief rules, by which these endeavours may be assisted,--by which we may learn, what is most to be desired, to avoid unnecessary quarrels; or, what holds the second place in usefulness, to soothe, to compose, and reconcile them,I shall think I have made choice of a subject by the consideration of which we may all be benefited.

First; from what has been laid down concerning the usual progress of the malignant and vindictive passions, which are called into action in the course of a dispute, it is evident that our caution is best exercised at first. "Leave off contention before it be meddled with,"-refrain from all language and behaviour which is likely to beget enmity and dissension. You see the beginning of your quarrel, but not the end, the extent, or the consequences. A provoking word, in the heat of passion and resentment, may be forcibly or shrewdly thrown out at the moment by the person who uses it, but it is sure to return upon his mind with bitterness and regret.

Secondly; a reflection which may put us on our guard against that promptness to take offence, and that precipitation in punish

ing or revenging the injury we conceive ourselves to have received, is, the consideration how extremely liable we all are to mistake both facts and words in the first report that is made, and the first apprehension that is formed of them. A very minute difference will convert innocent but heedless actions into studied insults-loose and equivocal or unguarded expressions into deliberate affronts. And this circumspection is doubly necessary, when the behaviour or language that offends us comes to our knowledge through the representation of a third person, or the intervention, perhaps, of two or three intermediate accounts. It is not always necessary to suppose express malice in that person. Inaccuracy alone, in either observing or relating, will often fatally mislead a rash and impetuous hearer.

Thirdly; if we be often incorrect in the judgement we form of other men's behaviour, I mean as to the facts, words, and circumstances themselves, much more are we apt to misinterpret the motives from which they arise. It will convince us of this, to recur to our own consciousness; and to recollect whether it hath not frequently happened to ourselves to have the principles, views, and inducements upon which we have acted, totally misunderstood or misrepresented;-how forgetfulness hath been construed into neglect; inadvertency into insult; cheerfulness or vivacity of spirits into forwardness, intrusion, or petulance; shyness into distance; natural reserve into superciliousness and disrespect. It may sometimes have fallen out worse. An unfortunate conjunction of circumstances, or combination of accidents, may have caused us to be suspected of dark purposes, or mean contrivances of art, craft, or design; when in truth our minds were perfectly free from them. We may have appeared to be insincere when we were never less so;-to have acted an equivocal part, when the whole embarrassment arose from unforeseen, unknown, or unthought of, positive circumstances. If ever this case has been ours, it ought to admonish us to reflect, that the same may happen to others; and possibly to those with whom we have a present cause of dissatisfaction or complaint. We may be acting at this very time upon those hasty judgements from which we have ourselves experienced hardships and injustice. We have seen how liable other men are to error with respect to us, when they proceed upon first impressions, partial accounts, or even upon appearances; and we cannot but know, that we are no less fallible in judging of them. It ought to teach

us caution and forbearance in our first behaviour, under a supposed injury or affront.

Fourthly; one would think it no extraordinary stretch of candour to make those allowances to others, which we habitually expect for ourselves. Yet we are with difficulty brought to do this, or to perceive palliation in any conduct but our own. We do not remember, (what we should never forget,) that others have their passions and prejudices as well as we - their favourite aims-their favourite friends-their early fears - their particular caution, their interest, their impulses their varieties of humour -constancy, or changeableness of mind; by which, when they are guided, they do no more than we are doing. They act, it may be true, differently from us; but they act under the same infirmities of temper, constitution, or understanding.

Fifthly; there is a point in the progress of a quarrel, and a situation in which men are often placed when both sides would be glad of a reconciliation, but know not how to effect it-when both wish to approach, but neither will make the first advance. It may help us to improve this disposition, and to avail ourselves of this opportunity, to be apprized that neither disposition nor opportunity will last long. If we suffer the quarrel to proceed, the season of reconciliation will be gone for ever. And, as an encouragement to make the first advance, let us be assured that it is a generosity which will never be forgot. There is no man living who is not affected by the kindness, and who feels not the superiority, of a ready forgiveness.

Sixthly; one compendious rule, which, if observed, would prevent many quarrels from originating, and many more from proceeding to desperate extremities, is the following: "Never to speak what will give pain without a prospect of doing good.” It is of the nature of human resentment to prompt us to say what we think may vex and mortify our adversary--what may raise up in his breast uneasy recollections, and to have a pleasure in doing so. This propensity is more irresistible when the sting is pointed by some scornful wit or vivacity of reply. A successful retort is what few can deny themselves. Our admonition therefore is, to control and withstand the impulse; and to reflect upon each occasion, not how grating what we are about to say may be,-how it will confound and silence our adversary,-how smart or lively,--how true,-or even how just and deserved, but what good it is likely to produce. This re