I know what to expect from a gay and thoughtless world. But I have this consolation, that ridicule cannot injure my soul.

I have this consolation-if the motives by which I am actuated are sincere and good, God will accept the inclination to glorify him, even though I should not be made useful. But my dear sister, this is a trying season! It is from God alone that I derive the least sensible comfort. This world has lost its power to charm, and all its applause is a trifle light as air. My companions are perhaps accusing me of superstition and the love of novelty. But God alone knows the motives by which I am actuated, and he alone will be my final judge. Let me but form such a decision as he will approve, and I ask no more. Willingly will I let go my eager grasp of the things of time and sense, and flee to Jesus. Oh that he would prepare me for the future events of life, and glorify himself in the disposal of my concerns."

To Miss M. S. of Boston.

Haverhill, Sabbath eve-May, 1811.

"WHILE agitated with doubts and conflicts, with the gay world in opposition, it has afforded me much consolation to think I have a friend in M. who can feel my sorrows, and sympathize with me in grief. I have passed through many interesting and solemn

scenes since I last saw you. Returning to Haverhill, I found my dear mama calm and composed. So completely was she filled with a sense of the shortness of time, the uncertainty of life, and the duty of giving up our dearest comforts to the Lord, that she never raised one objection, but wished me to act as my conscience directed. I felt an unspeakable consolation in committing the disposal of this event to God. I thought I could willingly renounce my own opinion, and sitting at the feet of Jesus, be guided entirely by him. Mr. N. has visited us frequently. He wishes not to influence me; he would not if he could.

And now, my dear M. what will you say to me when I tell you, that I do think, seriously think of quitting my native land for ever, and of going to a far distant country, "not knowing the things which shall befall me there." Should I refuse to make

this sacrifice, refuse to lend my little aid in the promulgation of the gospel amongst the heathen, how could I ever expect to enjoy the blessing of God, and peace of conscience, though surrounded with every temporal mercy? It would be pleasant to spend the remaining part of my life with my friends, and to have them surround my dying bed. But no! I must relinquish their society, and follow God to a land of strangers, where millions of my fellow sinners are perishing for lack of vision.

I have professed, my friend, for these two years past, to derive comfort only from God. Here, then, is a consoling reflection, that the ever blessed Jesus is able to support and comfort me, as well in the sultry climes of India, as in my dear native land. I trust that he will make his promise good, that as my day is, so shall my strength be. The wintry storms of life will soon be over; and if I have committed my immortal interest into the hands of God, I shall shortly find a sweet release from every woe. So visibly have I beheld the hand of Providence in removing some obstacles which once I thought almost insurmountable, that I dare not object. All my friends, with whom I have conversed, since my return to Haverhill, advise me to go. Some christians, who were formerly opposed, after obtaining a more extensive knowledge of the subject, think females would be useful. The people of this world probably view this subject as they do others. Those who have never felt the worth of their own souls, account it superstition and hypocritical zeal, for christians to sacrifice their earthly pleasures, for the sake of telling the heathen world of a Saviour. But all the ridicule that the gay and thoughtless sinner can invent, will not essentially injure me. If I am actuated by love to the Saviour and his cause, nothing on earth or hell can hurt me. I must ask your prayers for me. We have prayed

together; O let us now, though separated in person, unite at the throne of grace. Perhaps my views of this subject may be altered; and God may yet prepare a way for me to continue in America. O, that I might be submissive, and humbly wait on God. He can direct me at this eventful crisis, and glorify himself. Affectionately yours,

To S. H. of Newbury.

HARRIET."

Haverhill, June 12, 1811.

Your

"How shall I sufficiently thank my dear Miss H. for the kind token of affectionate remembrance, which she was kind enough to send me? letter really exhilarated my languid spirits. I had spent the evening in conversation with Mr. N. The subject of the contemplated Mission was renewedly talked over, and the dangers, the crosses, the manifold trials of such an important undertaking, were themes which engrossed our thoughts. Depressed with anxious apprehensions, and in doubt respecting duty, Mrs. G. handed me a letter, and the well known hand of the writer I soon recognized. The contents dispelled many a heart-rending sigh. Would to heaven I could prevent distress from ever entering the heart of a widowed, beloved parent, and the dearest brothers and sisters. O Miss H. could these dear friends but go with me to distant

India-but alas; that is a fruitless wish ;-but were it possible that this could be the case, I think I could quit America without reluctance, and even rejoice to spend my life among the benighted heathen. Sometimes, I can reflect upon this subject with composure, and even long to be on missionary ground, where superstition and idolatry usurp the sway; I think I can bid my dear friends a last farewell, with calmness, and follow, with delight, the leadings of Providence. But at other times, I fear that this is not the situation God has designed for me; and if it is not, I can never lay claim to the promises of the gospel, or expect the support of an Almighty arm, when dangers stand thick around me. My greatest fear is, that I shall lose all courage and perseverance, should I go, and not only be unhappy myself, but make those wretched who are with me. But are not these thoughts criminal, when carried to excess? Ought I not to praise the Lord for what I have received, and trust Him for a supply of grace? Ought I not to examine the subject carefully, and if, on examination, I am convinced that Jesus calls me to make these great sacrifices, ought I not to do it voluntarily, and leave the event with the ruler of the universe?

I find, my dear Miss H. that I am now in great danger of being actuated by a strong attachment.