Oh, could I but give the ever blessed God the first place in my affections, I should not be in danger of being misled by earthly objects. Often have I adopted the words of the pious Mr. Cowper: "The dearest idol I have known, Whate'er that idol be: Help me to tear it from thy throne, When shall we hope for a visit from you? Do write me often; your letters will always be acceptable. Although tired and fatigued with the employments of the day, I have improved this late hour in writing. Can I ask the favour of being remembered in your intercessions at the throne of grace? Oh, that Christians would pray for me. Farewell, my dear Miss H. May the choicest blessings of heaven be yours. I am affectionately your HARRIET." June 22. I have this day taken my leave of Mr. N. not expecting to see him again for nine months. I can hardly feel reconciled to his departure, but the will of the Lord be done. Taking every circumstance into consideration, I am fully persuaded, it will be most for his interest to spend the summer and winter in Philadelphia. Why, then, should I object? K June 27. It is now almost five years since my mind became seriously impressed with eternal realities. What have I learned, in these five years, of myself? and what of God? Weep, oh my soul, for past transgressions and present unfruitfulness. CHAPTER IV. Extracts from Letters and Journal continued, from her engagement to Mr. Newell, until the close of her eighteenth year. To Miss C. F. of Boston. Haverhill, June 29, 1811. "I THANK you, dear C., for your affectionate letter. The kind interest you have of late taken in my happiness, has greatly endeared you to my heart. May you never want a friend to sympathize with you, "when adverse fortune frowns," or to rejoice with you, when "life's vale is strewed with flowers fresh." If the remaining days of my short pilgrimage are to be spent in sorrow, oh that heaven would grant C. peace and happiness, and a sure pledge of joys to come. Where my future lot may be cast, time only can determine. If I can but maintain a firm and unshaken confidence in God, a humble reliance on his blessed promises, I shall be safe, though temporal comforts languish and die. I am now calculating upon a life of trials and hardships: but the grace of Jesus is sufficient for me. The friend of sinners is able and willing to support me amid scenes of danger and distress. When I bade you a parting adieu, my mind was in a state of agitation which I can never express. Dejected and weary, I arrived at the dear mansion where I have spent so many happy hours. My dear Mama met me at the door with a countenance that bespoke the tranquillity of her mind. The storm of opposition, as she observed, had blown over, and she was brought to say from the heart, "thy will be done." Yes, C. she had committed her child to God's parental care; and though her affection was not lessened, yet, with tears in her eyes, she said, "If a conviction of duty, and love to the souls of the perishing heathen, lead you to India, as much as I love you, Harriet, I can only say, Go."-Here I was left to decide the all-important question. Many were the conflicts within my breast. But, at length, from a firm persuasion of duty, and a willingness to comply, after much examination and prayer, I answered in the affirmative. I wish to tell you all the motives that have actuated me to come to this determination; likewise, how all the difficulties, which applied to me particularly, have been removed. But this I cannot do until I see you. Why cannot you make it convenient to spend three or four weeks with me this summer? To assure you it would afford me happiness, would be but what you already know. Write to me, C. next week if possible. Let me know when I may expect you, and I will be at home. Perhaps we may go and spend a day or two with our friends in N. I am very lonely. Nancy Hasseltine has been visiting at S. ever since I returned from Charlestown. Mr. Newell has gone to Philadelphia, where he expects to continue until a short time before he quits his native country. He is engaged in the study of medicine, together with Mr. Hall. HARRIET." To Mr. Newell, then in Philadelphia. Haverhill, July 16, 1811. "WITH respect to the mission, my mind has never been so solemnly impressed as since you left me. Various indeed have been my feelings. I fear I have not thought enough of the most important qualification of all, viz. a heart wholly devoted to God. Sometimes, when reflecting on this subject, I think I shall welcome the day, which will land me on India's shores, that I may have an opportunity of telling those dear benighted females, what I have felt of a Saviour's love, and of the worth of his blessed gospel. At other times, a sense of the dangers and hazards of a missionary life quite depresses my spirits, and deprives me of every enjoyment. Is it a delusion, or do I really feel willing to sacrifice the pleasures and comforts of life, which I might enjoy in my native country, and unite with the few dear brethren and sisters, in using my feeble efforts to christianize the heathen? I think upon the whole that I am decided. I have never met with so much encouragement as of late. I have conversed freely with a number of christian ministers, who unanimously say, 'go, and may the blessed Saviour go with you.' But I cannot bear the idea that my going should be attended with so many anxieties on your part. Unless I have a hope of rendering Mr. Newell in some de. gree happy by sympathizing with him in trouble, mitigating some pain, or lightening some heavy burden, I ought not to go. If I should only be an additional care, a heavy incumbrance, without af fording him any assistance in the arduous undertaking, the case ought to have been decided in the negative long ere this. Will you promise me you will overcome these feelings, which I have so often heard you express. I have friends-what cause for gratitude that I have them to leave. I have a pleasant home-this likewise calls for gratitude-but the presence of the great Jehovah would make even a mud-walled cottage desirable. You fear I shall lose my courage and look back with longing de |