with her when she gads, has gadded off with every key in the house.-Come, begin, begin! --I have ordered as few things as possible for your breakfast, that you may have a negative chance of comfort, at least. I have taken care that there should be no coffee for you;for there is not a jade, or a scoundrel in my kitchen, that I could ever yet get to wait for the third bubble ;-nor any cocoa, neither,— for I would not poison you with a thousand bubbles, which they do wait for;—and as for cold meat, and such things, I should be sorry to give my friend the orts of the cat, who they always contrive should be first served, by carefully leaving open the pantry door :I'll order up some butter, if you insist upon it --you'll only excuse me from tasting it when it comes, that's all!—and perhaps, too, you may like your bread toasted, as they call itthat is, scorched, smoked, and smutted.

Sen. You are very attentive indeed, my good sir;—and I will make the best of what remains, after you have so kindly impoverished the table for my benefit.

Tes. Well, but-there is no time to be lost, you know we have only one whole day be

fore us, into which we have to cram the crosses of our whole domestics lives past: besides, I am so fearful of forgetting a groan, extorted from me, two hours ago, by one of my female" caterpillars," (as a friend of mine ought to be worshipped for having nick-named servants,) that I must have it out at once:

GROAN 1. (T.)

Getting up early on a cold gloomy morning(quite enough already, you'll say; but that's not a tenth part of it,)-Getting up early in a cold gloomy morning, I say,-and on running down into the breakfast-room for warmth and comfort, finding' chairs, tables, shovel, poker, tongs, and fender, huddled, two or three yards high, into the middle of the room---dust flying in all directions---carpet tossed backwards---floor newly washed---windows wide open---bees-wax, brush and rubber, in one corner---brooms, mops, and pails, in another---and a dingy Drab on her knees, before an empty grate.

There's a set of jewels for our cabinet of "Miseries!"-all of the first water, and in the rightest order for our use!—

Sen. I had myself intended to open with another of the same species-but you have struck me dumb.

Tes. Pho, pho!-let's have it: when a diamond does not come in the way, we must put up with a pearl.

Sen. Well, then-if you won't despise

me

2. (S.)

Having to pass the maid as she is scowering the stairs;-to which I intended to add-seeing, hearing, or guessing, any thing at all of the matter, when washing and drying are going on in the house-or, what is worse still, having to duck and flap your way through lines, or rather lanes, of clammy clothes, just hung out to dry.

3. (T.)

On coming into the room, frost-bitten,---attempting to stir a very compact fire with a red-hot poker, which, from being worn to a thread towards the bottom, bends double at the slightest touch, without discomposing a coal.

Sen. Yes: or, on the other hand,

4. (S.)

Raising them too much, when the grate is overcharged; and so, notwithstanding all your caution,

disposing the live coals over the carpet, and among the petticoats of the ladies.

5. (S.)

Feeling your arm and elbow cold—and, on looking farther into the matter, perceiving that you have long been leaning in slop, which has dabbled you to the skin.

6. (T.)

Squatting plump on an unsuspected cat in your chair.

7. (T.)

At going to bed-after having long toiled, scorched, and melted yourself, in raking out a large and obstinate fire, which, at last, you seem to have effected---seeing it, as you turn round at the door, burning and roaring up far more fiercely than ever.

Sen. Aye; and this, two fires, instead of one.

8. (T.)

In attempting to throw up cinders, oversetting and scattering them far and wide, by dashing the edge of the shovel, as if with a violent determination, against the upper bar of the grate.

9. (T.)

Fumbling in vain at a rusty refractory door-lock, of which the hasp flies backward, and there sticks

so that you are at last obliged to leave the door flapping and whining on its un-oiled hinge, and fanning you into an ague-your own fury furnishing the fever.

10. (T.)

Sitting for hours before a smoky chimney, like a Hottentot in a craal;-then, just as your sufferings seem, at last, to be at an end-puff, puff!--- whiff, whiff!---again, far more furiously than ever.

11. (T.)

Waking, stiff and frozen, from a long sleep in your chair, by the fire-side; then crouching closer and closer over the miserable embers, for want of courage to go up to bed; and so, keeping in the cold to be warm!---when you go at last, your candle stinks out in the passage, and you are left to grope your way, blundering, and breaking your shins at every step, against the bannisters;---every stair, too, creaking and groaning under your weight, though you tread as tenderly as possible, for fear of waking the house, consisting chiefly of invalids,