room, except when he was so situated that he could not stir without incommoding the company, and in that case he contented himself with neighing aloud; if a dog happened to be the subject of his conversation, he wagged his tail, and grinned in a most significant manner; and one day he expressed his desire of going backwards with such natural imitation of his purpose, that every body in the room firmly believed he had actually over-shot himself, and fortified their nostrils accordingly. Yet no man ever look

In pronouncing the first two words, this egregious actor stoops down, and seems to take up something from the stage, then proceeding to report what follows, mimics the manner of unfolding a letter; when he mentions the simile of an arrow piercing the eye, he darts his fore-finger towards that organ, then recoils, with great violence, when the word started is expressed; and when he comes to trembling dropt it on the ground, he throws all his limbs into a tremulous motion, and shakes the imaginary paper from his hand. The latter part of the descriptioned upon this virtuoso to be the standard of is carried on with the same minute gesticulation, while he says,

Pale and aghast awhile my victim stood, Disguis'd a sigh or two, and puff'd them from him; Then rubb'd his brow, and took it up again. The player's countenance assumes a wild stare, he sighs twice most piteously, as if he were on the point of suffocation, scrubs his forehead, and, bending his body, apes the action of snatching an object from the floor. Nor is this dexterity of dumb-show omitted, when he concludes his imitation in these three lines;

At first he look'd as if he meant to read it;

propriety in point of speaking and deportment. For my own part, I confess the player in question would, by dint of these qualifications, make a very good figure in the character of Pantaloon's lacquey, in the entertainment of Perseus and Andromeda, and perhaps might acquire some reputation, by turning the Revenge into a pantomime; in which case, I would advise him to come upon the stage, provided with a handful of flour, in order to besmear his face when he pronounces pale and aghast, &c. and methinks he ought to illustrate the adder with an hideous hiss. But let us now come to the other situation, in which this modern

But, check'd by rising fears, he crush'd it thus, Esopus is supposed to distinguish himself so

And thrust it like an adder, in his bosom.

Here the judicious performer imitates the confusion and concern of Alonzo, seems to cast his eyes upon something, from which they are immediately withdrawn with horror and precipitation, then shutting his fist with a violent squeeze, as if he intended to make immediate application to Isabella's nose, he rams it in his own bosom, with all the horror and agitation of a thief taken in the manner. Were the player debarred the use of speech, and obliged to act to the eyes only of the audience, this mimicry might be a necessary conveyance of his meaning: but when he is at liberty to signify his ideas by language, nothing can be more trivial, forced, unnatural, and antic, than this superfluous mummery. Not that I would exclude from the representation the graces of action, without which the choicest sentiments, clothed in the most exquisite expression, would appear unanimated and insipid; but these are as different from this ridiculous burlesque, as is the demeanour of a Tully in the rostrum, from the tricks of a jack-pudding on a mountebank's stage; and, for the truth of what I allege, I appeal to the observation of any person who has considered the elegance of attitude and propriety of gesture, as they are universally acknowledged in the real characters of life. Indeed I have known a Gascon, whose limbs were as eloquent as his tongue; he never mentioned the word sleep without reclining his head upon his hand; when he had occasion to talk of a horse, he always started up and trotted across the

much, I mean that same eclaircissement comprehended in know then, 'twas-I. His manner, I own, may be altered since I was present at the representation of that performance: but certain I am, when I beheld him in that critical conjuncture, his behaviour appeared to me so uncouth, that I really imagined he was visited by some epileptic distemper; for he stood tottering and gasping for the space of two minutes, like a man suddenly struck with the palsy; and, after various distortions and side shakings, as if he had got fleas in his doublet, heaved up from his lungs the letter I, like a huge anchor from foul ground."

This criticism was acceptable to the majority of the college, who had no great veneration for the player in question; and his admirer, without making any reply, asked in a whisper, of the gentleman who sat next to him, if Pickle had not offered some production to the stage, and met with a repulse?

CHAPTER XCV.

The young gentleman is introduced to a virtuoso of the first order, and commences yelper.

HITHERTO Peregrine had professed himself an author without reaping the fruits of that occupation, except the little fame he had acquired by his late satire; but now he thought it high time to weigh solid pudding against empty praise, and therefore engaged

with some booksellers in a certain translation | tion, spirit, and address, who could not fail which he obliged himself to perform for the to make a figure in the world; that therefore consideration of two hundred pounds. The he would be a creditable addition to the subarticles of agreement being drawn, he began ordinates of such a patron, and by his qualihis task with great eagerness, rose early in fications, intrepidity, and warmth of temper, the morning to his work, at which he labour-turn out a consummate herald of his fame. ed all day long, went abroad with the bats in Upon these considerations, he met with a the evening, and appeared in the coffee- most engaging reception from the enterhouse, where he amused himself with the tainer, who was a well-bred man, of some newspapers and conversation till nine learning, generosity, and taste; but his foible o'clock; then he retired to his own apart- was the desire of being thought the inimitment, and, after a slight repast, betook him- able patron of all three. self to rest, that he might be able to unroost with the cock. This sudden change from his former way of life agreed so ill with his disposition, that, for the first time, he was troubled with flatulences and indigestion, which produced anxiety and dejection of spirits; and the nature of his situation began in some measure to discompose his brain; a discovery which he no sooner made, than he had recourse to the advice of a young physician, who was a member of the college of authors, at this time one of our hero's most intimate acquaintance.

The son of Esculapius, having considered his case, imputed his disorder to the right cause, namely, want of exercise; dissuaded him from such close application to study, until he should be gradually familiarized to a sedentary life; advised him to enjoy his friend and his bottle in moderation, and wean himself from his former customs by degrees; and, above all things, to rise immediately after his first sleep, and exercise himself in a morning's walk. In order to render this last part of the prescription the more palatable, the doctor promised to attend him in these early excursions, and even to introduce him to a certain personage of note, who gave a sort of public breakfasting to the minor virtuosi of the age, and often employed his interest in behalf of those who properly cultivated his countenance and approbation.

This proposal was extremely acceptable to our young gentleman, who, besides the advantage which might accrue to him from such a valuable connection, foresaw much entertainment and satisfaction in the discourse of so many learned guests. The occasions of his health and interest, moreover, coincided in another circumstance; the minister's levee being kept betimes in the morning, so that he could perform his walk, yield his attendance, and breakfast at this philosophical board, without encroaching a great deal upon his other avocations.

Measures being thus preconcerted, the physician conducted our adventurer to the house of this celebrated sage, to whom he recommended him as a gentleman of genius and taste, who craved the honour of his acquaintance; but he had previously smoothed the way to his introduction, by representing Peregrine as a young fellow of great ambi

It was with a view to acquire and support this character that his house was open to all those who had any pretensions to literature; consequently he was surrounded by a strange variety of pretenders; but none were discouraged, because he knew that even the most insignificant might, in some shape, conduce to the propagation of his praise. A babbler, though he cannot run upon the scent, may spring the game, and, by his yelping, help to fill up the cry: no wonder, then, that a youth of Pickle's accomplishment was admitted, and even invited into the pack. After having enjoyed a very short private audience in the closet, our young gentleman was shown into another room, where half a dozen of his fellow-adherents waited for their Mæcenas, who in a few minutes appeared, with a most gracious aspect, received the compliments of the morning, and sat down to breakfast in the midst of them, without any further ceremony.

The conversation at first turned upon the weather, which was investigated in a very philosophical manner by one of the company, who seemed to have consulted all the barometers and thermometers that ever were invented, before he would venture to affirm that it was a chill morning. This subject being accurately discussed, the chief inquired about the news of the learned world; and his inclination was no sooner expressed than every guest opened his mouth, in order to gratify his curiosity; but he that first captivated his attention, was a meagre shrivelled antiquary, who looked like an animated mummy, which had been scorched among the sands of the desert. He told the patron, that he had, by accident, met with a medal, which, though it was defaced by time, he would venture to pronounce a genuine antique, from the ringing and taste of the metal, as well as from the colour and composition of the rust so saying, he produced a piece of copper coin, so consumed and disguised by age, that scarce a vestige of the impression was to be perceived. Nevertheless, this connoisseur pretended to distinguish a face in profile, from which he concluded that the piece was of the Upper Empire, and on the reverse he endeavoured to point out the bulb of the spear, and part of the parazonium, which were the insignia of the Roman Virtus, together with the frag

ment of one fold of the multicium in which matical turn, who valued himself upon the she was clothed. He likewise had discover- improvements he had made in several doed an angle of the letter N, and at some mestic machines, and now presented the plan distance an entire I; from these circum- of a new contrivance for cutting cabbages, stances conjecturing, and indeed concluding, in such a manner as would secure the stock that the medal was struck by Severus, in against the rotting rain, and enable it to prohonour of the victory he obtained over his duce a plenteous after-crop of delicious rival Niger, after he had forced the passes of sprouts. In this important machine he had Mount Taurus. This criticism seemed very united the whole mechanic powers, with satisfactory to the entertainer, who having such massy complication of iron and wood, examined the coin by the help of his spec- that it could not have been moved without tacles, plainly discerned the particulars which the assistance of a horse, and a road made the owner had mentioned, and was pleased for the convenience of the draught. These to term his account of the matter a very in- objections were so obvious, that they occurgenious explanation. red at first sight to the inspector-general, who greatly commended the invention, which, he observed, might be applied to several other useful purposes, could it once be rendered a little more portable and commodious.

The curiosity was circulated through the hands of all present; and every virtuoso, in his turn, licked the copper, and rung it upon the hearth, declaring his assent to the judgment which had been pronounced. At length it fell under the inspection of our young gentleman, who, though no antiquarian, was very well acainted with the current coin of his o" atry, and no sooner cast his aluable antique, than he afesitation, that it was no uins of an English farthing, me spear, parazonium, and multie remains of the emblems and pey with which the figure of Britannia is delineated on our copper money.

eyes

f

The inventor, who had not foreseen these difficulties, was not prepared to surmount them; but he took the hint in good part, and promised to task his abilities anew, in altering the construction of his design. Not but that he underwent some severe irony from the rest of the virtuosi, who complimented him upon the momentous improvement he had made, by which a family might save a dish of greens in a quarter, for so trifling an expense as that of purchasing, working, and maintaining such a stupendous machine; but no man was ever more sarcastic in his remarks upon his piece of mechanism than the

This hardy asseveration seemed to disconcert the patron, while it incensed the medallist, who, grinning like an enraged ba-naturalist, who next appealed to the patron's boon,-"What d'ye tell me of a brass farthing?" said he, "did you ever know modern brass of such a relish? do but taste it young gentleman; and sure I am, if you have ever been conversant with subjects of this kind, you will find as wide a difference in the savour between this and an English farthing, as can possibly be perceived betwixt an onion and a turnip: besides, this medal has the true Corinthian ring; then the attitude is upright, whereas that of Britannia is reclining; and how is it possible to mistake a branch of palm for a parazonium ?"

approbation for a curious disquisition he had made touching the procreation of muck-flies, in which he had laid down a curious method of collecting, preserving, and hatching the eggs of these insects, even in the winter, by certain modifications of artificial heat. The nature of this discovery was no sooner communicated, than Peregrine, unable to contain himself, was seized with a fit of laughter, which infected every person at the table, the landlord himself not excepted, who found it impossible to preserve his wonted gravity of face.

All the rest of the company espoused the Such unmannerly mirth did not fail to virtuoso's side of the question, because the mortify the philosopher, who, after some reputation of each was concerned. The pause, during which indignation and disdain patron, finding himself in the same circum- were painted in his countenance, reprehendstance, assumed a solemnity of feature, dash-ed our young gentleman for his unphilosoed with a small mixture of displeasure, and phical behaviour, and undertook to prove, that told Peregrine, that as he had not made that the subject of his inquiry was of infinite branch of literature his particular study, he consequence to the progress and increase of was not surprised to see him mistaken in his natural knowledge; but he found no quarter opinion. Pickle immediately understood the from the vengeful engineer, who now retortreproof, though he was shocked at the vanity ed his ironical compliments, with great emor infatuation of his entertainer and fellow-phasis, upon this hot-bed for the generation guests, asked pardon for his presumption, of vermin, and advised him to lay the whole which was accordingly excused, in considera- process before the Royal Society, which tion of his inexperience: and the English would, doubtless, present him with a medal, farthing was dignified with the title of a true and give him a place among their memoirs, antique. as a distinguished promoter of the useful The next person that addressed himself to arts. "If," said he, "you had employed the chief, was a gentleman of a very mathe-your studies in finding out some effectual

Cautioned in this manner, Peregrine pro

tions, that, in a very little time, he was looked upon as one of the chief favourites of the patron, to whom he dedicated a small occasional poem; and every body belived he would reap the fruits of his attachment among the first of the old gentlema pendents.

method to destroy those insects which pre- | society of yelpers, though he did not as yet judice and annoy mankind, in all probability fully understand the nature of his office, you must have been contented with the con- which was explained by the young physician, templation of the good you had done; but who chid him for his blunt behaviour in the this curious expedient for multiplying mag- case of the medal; and gave him to undergots will surely entitle you to an honourable stand that their patron's favour was neither rank in the list of learned philosophers." to be gained nor preserved by any man that "I don't wonder," replied the naturalist, would pretend to convict him of a mistake; "that you should be so much averse to the he therefore counselled him to respect this propagation of insects, because, in all likeli- foible, and cultivate the old gentleman with hood, you are afraid that they will not leave all the zeal and veneration which a regard to you a cabbage to cut down with the same his own character would permit him to say. miraculous machine." "Sir," answered the This task was the easier to one of our young mechanic, with great bitterness of voice and gentleman's pliant disposition, because the aspect, "if the cabbage be as lightheaded as virtuoso's behaviour was absolutely free from some muck-worm philosophers, it will not be that insolent self-conceit, which he could not worth cutting down." "I never dispute bear without disgust; the senior was, on the upon cabbage with the son of a cucumber," contrary, mild and beneficent; and Pickle said the fly-breeder, alluding to the pedigree was rather pleased than shocked at his weakof his antagonist; who, impatient of the ness; because it flattered his vanity with the affront, started up with fury in his looks, ex-supposition of his own superior sense. claiming, "Sdeath! meaning me, sir?" Here the patron, perceiving things draw-fited so much by his insinuating qualificaing towards a rupture, interposed his authority, rebuking them for their intemperance, and recommending to them amity and concord against the Goths and Vandals of the age, who took all opportunities of ridiculing and discouraging the adherents of knowledge and philosophy. After this exhortation they had no pretence for carrying on the dispute, which was dropt in all appearance, though the mechanic still retained his resentment; and after breakfast, when the company broke up, accosted his adversary in the street, desiring to know how he durst be so insolent as to make that scurrilous reflection upon his family. The fly-fancier, thus questioned, accused the mathematician of having been the aggressor, in likening his head to a light cabbage and here the altercation being renewed, the engineer proceeded to the illustration of his mechanics, tilting up his hand like a balance, thrusting it forward by way of lever, embracing the naturalist's nose like a wedge betwixt two of his fingers, and turning it round with the momentum of a screw or peritrochium. Had they been obliged to decide the dispute with equal arms, the assailant would have had great advantage over the other, who was very much his inferior in muscular strength: but the philosopher being luckily provided with a cane, no sooner disengaged himself from this opprobrious application, than he handled his weapon with great dexterity about the head and shoulders of his antagonist, who finding this shower of blows very disagreeable, was fain to betake himself to his heels for shelter, and was pursued by the angry victor, who chased him from one end of the street to the other, affording unspeakable satisfaction to the multitude, as well as to our hero and to his introductor, who were spectators of the whole scene.

Thus was our adventurer initiated into the

CHAPTER XCVI.

Peregrine, finding himself neglected by Sir Steady Steerwell, expostulates with him in a letter; in consequence of which he is forbid his house, loses his pension, and incurs the charge of lunacy.

THIS prospect of success, together with his expectations from the minister, whom he did not neglect, helped to comfort him under the reverse of fortune which he had undergone, and the uncertainty of the law-suit, which he still maintained for the recovery of his ten thousand pounds. The lawyers, indeed, continued to drain his pocket of money, while they filled his brain with unsubstantial hope; and he was actually obliged to borrow money from his bookseller, on the strength of the translation, in order to satisfy the demands of those ravenous harpies, rather than lay the misanthrope under any difficulties, or have recourse to his friend Hatchway, who lived at the garrison entirely ignorant of his distress. This was not at all alleviated by the arrival of the Indiaman, in which he had ventured seven hundred pounds, as we have already observed; for he was given to understand, that the borrower was left dangerously ill at Bombay when the ship sailed, and that his chance for retrieving his money was extremely slender.

So situated, it is not to be supposed that he led a life of tranquillity, though he made

a shift to struggle with the remonstrances this conference. Having exhausted himself of misfortune: yet such a gush of affliction in these vain exclamations, he returned to would sometimes rush upon his thought, as his lodgings in a most frantic condition, bitoverwhelmed all the ideas of his hope, and ing his lips so that the blood ran from his sunk him to the very bottom of despondence. mouth, dashing his head and fists against the Every equipage that passed him in the street, sides of his chimney, and weeping with the every person of rank and fortune that occur- most bitter expressions of woe. red to his view, recalled the gay images of his former life, with such mortifying reflection as stabbed him to the very soul. He lived, therefore, incessantly exposed to all the pangs of envy and disquiet. When I say envy, I do not mean that sordid passion, in consequence of which a man repines at his neighbour's success, howsoever deserved; but that self-tormenting indignation which is inspired by the prosperity of folly, ignorance and vice. Without the intervening gleams of enjoyment, which he felt in the conversation of a few friends, he could not have supported his existence; or, at least, he must have suffered some violent discomposure of the brain; but one is still finding some circumstance of alleviation, even in the worst of conjunctures; and Pickle was so ingenious in these researches, that he maintained a good battle with disappointment, till the revolution of the term at which he had received his pension of three hundred pounds.

Pipes, whose perception had been just sufficient to let him see that there was some difference between the present and former situation of his master, overhearing his transports, essayed to enter his apartment, with a view of administering consolation; and finding the door locked on the inside, desired admittance, protesting, that otherwise he would down with the bulk-head in the turning of an handspike. Peregrine ordered him to retire, on pain of his displeasure, and swore, that if he should offer to break open the door, he would instantly shoot him through the head. Tom, without paying the least regard to this injunction, set himself at work immediately. His master, exasperated at his want of reverence and respect, which in his present paroxysm appeared with the most provoking aggravation, flew into his closet, and snatching up one of his pistols, already loaded, no sooner saw his valet enter the apartment, in consequence of having However, seeing the day elapse, without forced the lock, than he presented it full at touching his allowance, notwithstanding his his face, and drew the trigger. Happily the significant method of presenting himself at priming flashed in the pan, without communithe minister's levee, when the year was ex-cating with the charge; so that his furious pired, he wrote a letter to Sir Steady, re-purpose did not take effect upon the counteminding him of his situation and promise, and giving him to understand, that his occasions were such as compelled him to demand his salary for the ensuing year.

In the morning after this letter was conveyed, the author went to his honour's house, in expectation of being admitted by particular order; but was mistaken in his hope, the minister not being visible. He then made his appearance at the levee, in hopes of being closeted but though he took all opportunities of watching Sir Steady's eyes, he could not obtain one glance, and had the pleasure of seeing him retire, without being favoured with the least notice. These circumstances of wilful neglect were not over and above agreeable to our young hero, who, in the agonies of vexation and resentment, went home, and composed a most acrimonious remonstrance to his honour; in consequence of which he was not only deprived of all pretensions to a private audience, but expressly denied admittance on a public day, by Sir Steady's own order.

nance of honest Pipes, who, disregardful of the attempt, though he knew the contents of the piece, asked, without the least alteration of feature, if it must be foul weather through the whole voyage.

Peregrine, mad as he was, repented of his mischievous intent against such a faithful adherent, in the very moment of execution; and had it proved fatal, according to the de sign, in all probability he would have applied another to his own head. There are certain considerations that strike upon the mind with irresistible force, even in the midst of its distraction; the momentary recollection of some particular scene, occasioned by the features of the devoted victim, hath often struck the dagger from the assassin's hand. By such an impulse was Pipes protected from any repeated effort of his master's rage; the friendly cause of his present disobedience flashed upon the conviction of Peregrine, when he beheld the rugged front of his valet, in which also stood disclosed his long and faithful service, together with the recommendation of the deceased commodore.

This prohibition, which announced his total ruin, filled him with rage, horror, and despair. He insulted the porter who signi- Though his wrath was immediately supfied the minister's command, threatening to pressed, and his heart torn with remorse for chastise him upon the spot for his pre- what he had done, his brows remained still sumption; and vented the most virulent im- contracted; and darting a most ferocious reprecations upon his master, to.the astonish-gard at the intruder,-"Villain!" said he, ment of those who chanced to enter during "how dare you treat me with such dis