: and old nails; but finding the Frenchman | it at his silent deliverer, who received and took a great deal of drubbing, and that he pocketed his bounty without the least dehad shot away all our rigging, and killed and monstration of surprise or satisfaction; while wounded a great number of our men, d'ye the donor, turning to Mr Pickle,-" You see, see, I resolved to run him on board upon his brother," said he, "I make good the old say. quarter, and so ordered our grapplings to be ing, we sailors get money like horses, and got ready but Monsieur, perceiving what spend it like asses: come, Pipes, let's have we were about, filled his top-sails, and sheered the boatswain's whistle, and be jovial." This off, leaving us like a log upon the water, and musician accordingly applied to his mouth our scuppers running with blood." the silver instrument that hung at a buttonhole of his jacket, by a chain of the same metal, and, though not quite so ravishing as the pipe of Hermes, produced a sound so loud and shrill, that the stranger (as it were instinctively) stopped his ears, to preserve his organs of hearing from such a dangerous invasion. The prelude being thus executed, Pipes fixed his eyes upon the egg of an ostrich that depended from the ceiling, and without once moving them from that object, performed the whole cantata in a tone of voice that seemed to be the joint issue of an Irish bagpipe and a sow-gelder's horn; the commodore, the lieutenant and landlord, joined in the chorus, repeating this elegant stanza, Bustle, bustle, brave boys! Since labour 's the price of our joys. Mr Pickle and the landlord paid such extraordinary attention to the rehearsal of this exploit, that Trunnion was encouraged to entertain them with more stories of the same nature; after which he observed, by way of encomium on the government, that all he had gained in the service was a lame foot and the loss of an eye. The lieutenant, who could not find in his heart to lose any opportunity of being witty at the expense of his commander, gave a loose to his satirical talent once more, saying, "I have heard as how you came by your lame foot by having your upper-decks overstowed with liquor, whereby you became crank, and rolled, d'ye see, in such a manner, that, by a pitch of the ship, your starboard heel was jammed in one of the scuppers; and as for the matter of your eye, that was knocked out by your own crew when the Lightning was paid off: there's poor Pipes, who was beaten into all the colours of the rainbow for taking your part, and giving you time to sheer off; and I don't find as how you have rewarded him according as he deserves." As the commodore could not deny the truth of these anecdotes, how-nious. In short, the company began to unever unseasonably they were introduced, he derstand one another; Mr Pickle seemed to affected to receive them with good humour, relish the entertainment, and a corresponas jokes of the lieutenant's own inventing; dence immediately commenced between him and replied," Ay, ay, Jack, every body and Trunnion, who shook him by the hand, knows your tongue is no slander; but how- drank to further acquaintance, and even insomever, I'll work you to an oil for this, you vited him to a mess of pork and pease in the dog." So saying, he lifted up one of his garrison. The compliment was returned, crutches, intending to lay it gently across good fellowship prevailed, and the night was Mr Hatchway's pate; but Jack, with great pretty far advanced when the merchant's agility, tilted up his wooden leg, with which man arrived with a lantern to light his mashe warded off the blow, to the no small ad-ter home; upon which the new friends parted, miration of Mr Pickle, and utter astonish-after a mutual promise of meeting next evement of the landlord, who, by the bye, had ning in the same place. expressed the same amazement, at the same feat, at the same hour, every night for three months before. Trunnion then directing his eye to the boatswain's mate, "You, Pipes," said he, "do you go about and tell people that I did not reward you for standing by me when I was hussled by these rebellious rapscallions; d-n you, han't you been rated on the books ever since?" Tom, who, indeed, had no words to spare, sat smoaking his pipe with great indifference, and never dreamed of paying any regard to these interrogations; which being repeated and reinforced with many oaths, that, however, produced no effect, the commodore pulled out his purse, saying, "Here, you bitch's baby, here's something better than a smart ticket ;" and threw The third line was no sooner pronounced, than the cann was lifted to every man's mouth with admirable uniformity; and the next word taken up at the end of their draught with a twang equally expressive and harmo CHAPTER III. Mrs Grizzle exerts herself in finding a proper match for her brother; who is accordingly introduced to the young lady, whom he marries in due season. I HAVE been the more circumstantial in opening the character of Trunnion, because he bears a considerable share in the course of these memoirs; but now it is high time to resume the consideration of Mrs Grizzle, who, since her arrival in the country, had been engrossed by a double care, namely, that of finding a suitable match for her bro ther, and a comfortable yoke-fellow for her- | his love in writing, he took this opportunity self. of acting in conformity with her advice, when Neither was this aim the result of any his imagination was unengaged or undisturbed sinister or frail suggestion, but the pure dic- by any other suggestion, without suspecting tates of that laudable ambition, which prompt- the least that she intended to save him the ed her to the preservation of the family name. trouble of exercising his own genius. Left, Nay, so disinterested was she in this pursuit, therefore, as he imagined, to his own inventhat, postponing her nearest concern, or at tions, he sat down and produced the followleast leaving her own fate to the silent ope- ing morceau, which was transmitted to Miss ration of her charms, she laboured with such Appleby before his sister and counsellor had indefatigable zeal in behalf of her brother, the least information of the affair. that, before they had been three months set"MISS SALLY APPLEBY. tled in the country, the general topic of conversation in the neighbourhood, was an in-cel of heart, warranted sound, to be disposed "Madam,-Understanding you have a partended match between the rich Mr Pickle, of, shall be willing to treat for said commoand the fair Miss Appleby, daughter of a gentleman who lived in the next parish, and dity, on reasonable terms. Doubt not shall you for further who, though he had but little fortune to be- agree for same. Shall wait of information, when and where you shall apstow upon his children, had (to use his own phrase) replenished their veins with some of point. This the needful from yours, &c. the best blood in the country. "GAM. PICKLE.” This laconic epistle, simple and unadorned as it was, met with as cordial a reception from the person to whom it was addressed, as if it had been couched in the most elegant terms that delicacy of passion and cultivated genius could supply; nay, I believe, was the more welcome, on account of its mercantile plainness: because, when an advantageous match is in view, a sensible woman often considers the flowery professions and rapturous exclamations of love as ensnaring ambiguities, or at best impertinent preliminaries, that retard the treaty they are designed to promote; whereas Mr Pickle removed all disagreeable uncertainty, by descending at once to the most interesting particular. This young lady, whose character and disposition Mrs Grizzle had investigated to her own satisfaction, was destined for the spouse of Mr Pickle, and an overture was accordingly made to her father, who being overjoyed at the proposal, gave his consent without hesitation, and even recommended the immediate execution of the project with such eagerness, as seemed to indicate either a suspicion of Mr Pickle's constancy, or a diffidence of his own daughter's complexion, which perhaps he thought too sanguine to keep much longer cool. The previous point being thus settled, our merchant, at the instigation of Mrs Grizzle, went to visit his future father-in-law, and was introduced to the daughter, with whom he had, that same afternoon, an op- She had no sooner, as a dutiful child, comportunity of being alone. What passed in municated this billet-doux to her father, than that interview I never could learn, though, he, as a careful parent, visited Mr Pickle, from the character of the suitor, the reader and, in the presence of Mrs Grizzle,' demandmay justly conclude, that she was not much ed a formal explanation of his sentiments teased with the impertinence of his addresses. with regard to his daughter Sally. Mr GaHe was not, I believe, the less welcome for maliel, without any ceremony, assured him that reason; certain it is she made no ob- he had a respect for the young woman, and, jection to his taciturnity, and, when her fa- with his good leave, would take her for betther communicated his resolution, acquiesced ter for worse. Mr Appleby, after having with the most pious resignation. But Mrs expressed his satisfaction that he had fixed Grizzle, in order to give the lady a more fa- his affections in his family, comforted the vourable idea of his intellects than what his lover with the assurance of his being agreeaconversation could possibly inspire, was re-ble to the young lady, and they forthwith solved to dictate a letter, which her brother should transcribe and transmit to his mistress, as the produce of his own understanding, and had actually composed a very tender billet for this purpose; yet her intention was entirely frustrated by the misapprehension of the lover himself, who, in consequence of his sister's repeated admonitions, anticipated her scheme, by writing for himself, and dispatching the letter one afternoon, while Mrs Grizzle was visiting at the parson's. Neither was this step the effect of his vanity or precipitation; but having been often assured by his sister, that it was absolutely necessary for him to make a declaration of proceeded to the articles of the marriage. settlement, which being discussed and determined, a lawyer was ordered to engross them; the wedding-clothes were bought, and, in short, a day was appointed for the celebration of their nuptials, to which every body of any fashion in the neighbourhood was invited. Among these Commodore Trunnion and Mr Hatchway were not forgotten, being the sole companions of the bridegroom, with whom, by this time, they had contracted a sort of intimacy at their nocturnal rendezvous. They had received a previous intimation of what was on the anvil from the landlord, before Mr Pickle thought proper to declare himself; in consequence of which, the topic | with a most agreeable and infantine lisp; her address was perfectly obliging; and though, conscious of the extraordinary capacity of her mouth, she would not venture to hazard a laugh, she modelled her lips into an enchanting simper, which played upon her countenance all day long; nay, she even profited by that defect in her vision we have already observed, and securely contemplated those features which were most to her liking, while the rest of the company believed her regards were disposed in a quite contrary direction. With what humility of complais of the one-eyed commander's discourse at their meeting, for several evenings before, had been the folly and plague of matrimony, on which he held forth with great vehemence of abuse, levelled at the fair sex, whom he represented as devils incarnate, sent from hell to torment mankind; and, in particular, inveighed against old maids, for whom he seemed to entertain a singular aversion; while his friend Jack confirmed the truth of all his allegations, and gratified his own malignant vein at the same time, by clenching every sentence with a sly joke upon the mar-ance did she receive the compliments of ried state, built upon some allusion to a ship or seafaring life. He compared a woman to a great gun, loaded with fire, brimstone, and noise, which, being violently heated, will bounce and fly, and play the devil, if you don't take special care of her breechings. He said she was like a hurricane, that never blows from one quarter, but veers about to all points of the compass: he likened her to a painted galley curiously rigged, with leak in her hold, which her husband would never be able to stop. He observed that her inclinations were like the bay of Biscay; for why? because you may heave your deep sea lead long enough without ever reaching the bottom: that he who comes to anchor on a wife, may find himself moored in damned foul ground, and, after all, can't for his blood slip his cable and that, for his own part, thof he might make short trips for pastime, he would never embark in woman on the voyage of life, because he was afraid of foundering invising and promoting the event at which the first foul weather. those who could not help praising the elegance of the banquet! and how piously did she seize that opportunity of commemorating the honours of her sire, by observing, that it was no merit in her to understand something of entertainments, as she had occasion to preside at so many during the mayoralty of her papa! Far from discovering the least symptom of pride and exultation when the opulence of her family became the subject of conversation, she assumed a severity of countenance; and, after having moralized on the vanity of riches, declared, that those who looked upon her as a fortune were very much mistaken; for her father had left her no more than poor five thousand pounds, which, with what little she had saved of the interest since his death, was all she had to depend upon; indeed, if she had placed her chief felicity in wealth, she should not have been so forward in destroying her own expectations, by ad they were now so happily assembled; but In all probability, these insinuations made she hoped she should always have virtue some impression on the mind of Mr Pickle, enough to postpone any interested considerwho was not very much inclined to run great ation, when it should happen to clash with risks of any kind; but the injunctions and the happiness of her friends. Finally, such importunities of his sister, who was bent upon was her modesty and self-denial, that she the match, overbalanced the opinion of his industriously informed those whom it might sea friends, who finding him determined to concern, that she was no less than three marry, notwithstanding all the hints of cau-years older than the bride, though, had she tion they had thrown out, resolved to accept added ten to the reckoning, she would have his invitation, and honoured his nuptials with committed no mistake in point of computatheir presence accordingly. tion. CHAPTER IV. To contribute as much as lay in her power to the satisfaction of all present, she, in the afternoon, regaled them with a tune on the harpsichord, accompanied with her voice, The behaviour of Mrs Grizzle at the wed-which, though not the most melodious in the ding, with an account of the guests. I HOPE it will not be thought uncharitable, if I advance, by way of conjecture, that Mrs Grizzle, on this grand occasion, summoned her whole exertion, to play off the artillery of her charms upon the single gentlemen who were invited to the entertainment: sure I am, she displayed to the best advantage all the engaging qualities she possessed: her affability at dinner was altogether uncommon; her attention to the guests was superfluously hospitable; her tongue was sheathed world, I dare say would have been equally at their service, could she have vied with Philomel in song; and as the last effort of her complaisance, when dancing was proposed, she was prevailed upon, at the request of her new sister, to open the ball in person. In a word, Mrs Grizzle was the principal figure in this festival, and almost eclipsed the bride, who, far from seeming to dispute the pre-eminence, very wisely allowed her to make the best of her talents; contenting herself with the lot to which fortune had al i ready called her, and which she imagined were prevented from throwing the stocking, I believe I need scarce advertise the reader, that, during this whole entertainment, the commodore and his lieutenant were quite out of their element: and this, indeed, was the case with the bridegroom himself, who, being utterly unacquainted with any sort of polite commerce, found himself under a very disagreeable restraint during the whole scene. Trunnion, who had scarce ever been on shore till he was paid off, and never once in his whole life in the company of any females above the rank of those who herd upon the Point at Portsmouth, was more embarrassed about his behaviour than if he had been surrounded at sea by the whole French navy. He had never pronounced the word madam since he was born; so that, far from entering into any conversation with the ladies, he would not even return the compliment, or give the least nod of civility, when they drank to his health; and, I verily believe, would rather have suffered suffocation than allowed the simple phrase your servant to proceed from his mouth. He was altogether as inflexible with respect to the attitudes of his body; for, either through obstinacy or bashfulness, he sat upright without motion, insomuch that he provoked the mirth of a certain wag, who, addressing himself to the lieutenant, asked whether that was the commodore himself, or the wooden lion that used to stand at his gate? An image to which, it must be owned, Trunnion's person bore no faint resemblance. Mr Hatchway, who was not quite so unpolished as the commodore, and had certain notions that seemed to approach the ideas of common life, made a less uncouth appearance; but then he was a wit, and though of a very peculiar genius, partook largely of that disposition which is common to all wits, who never enjoy themselves except when their talents meet with those marks of distinction and veneration, which, in their own opinion, they deserve. These circumstances being premised, it is not to be wondered at if this triumvirate made no objections to the proposal, when some of the grave personages of the company made a motion for adjourning into another apartment, where they might enjoy their pipes and bottles, while the young folks indulged themselves in the continuance of their own favourite diversion. Thus rescued, as it were, from a state of annihilation, the first use the two lads of the castle made of their existence was to ply the bridegroom so hard with bumpers, that, in less than an hour, he made divers efforts to sing, and soon after was carried to bed, deprived of all manner of sensation, to the utter disappointment of the bridemen and maids, who, by this accident, and performing certain other ceremonies practised on such occasions. As for the bride, she bore this misfortune with great good humour; and, indeed, on all occasions, behaved like a discreet woman perfectly well acquainted with the nature of her own situation. CHAPTER V. Mrs Pickle assumes the reins of government in her own family.-Her sister-inlaw undertakes an enterprise of great moment but is for some time diverted from her purpose by a very interesting consideration. WHATEVER deference, not to say submission, she had paid to Mrs Grizzle before she was so nearly allied to her family, she no sooner became Mrs Pickle than she thought it incumbent upon her to act up to the dignity of the character; and the very day after the marriage ventured to dispute with her sisterin-law on the subject of her own pedigree, which she affirmed to be more honourable in all respects than that of her husband; observing, that several younger brothers of her house had arrived at the station of lord mayor of London, which was the highest pitch of greatness that any of Mr Pickle's predecessors had ever attained. This presumption was like a thunderbolt to Mrs Grizzle, who began to perceive that she had not succeeded quite so well as she imagined, in selecting for her brother a gentle and obedient yoke-fellow, who would always treat her with that profound respect which she thought due to her superior genius, and be entirely regulated by her advice and direction; however, she still continued to manage the reins of government in the house, reprehending the servants as usual; an office she performed with great capacity, and in which she seemed to take singular delight, until Mrs Pickle, on pretence of consulting her ease, told her one day she would take that trouble upon herself, and for the future assume the management of her own family. Nothing could be more mortifying to Mrs Grizzle than such a declaration, to which, after a considerable pause, and strange distortion of look, she replied,-"I shall never refuse or repine at any trouble that may conduce to my brother's advantage." "Dear madam," answered the sister, "I am infinitely obliged to your kind concern for Mr Pickle's interest, which I consider as my own, but I cannot bear to see you a sufferer by your friendship; and, therefore, insist upon exempting you from the fatigue you have borne so long." In vain did the other protest that she took pleasure in the task; Mrs Pickle ascribed the assurance to her excess of complaisance, and expressed such tenderness of zeal for her dear sister's health and tranquillity, that the reluctant maiden found herself obliged to resign her authority, without enjoying the least pretext for complaining of her being deposed. This disgrace was attended by a fit of peevish devotion that lasted three or four weeks; during which period she had the additional chagrin of seeing the young lady gain an ascendancy over the mind of her brother, who was persuaded to set up a gay equipage, and improve his housekeeping, by an augmentation in his expense to the amount of a thousand a-year at least; though this alteration in the economy of his household effected no change in his own disposition, or manner of life; for as soon as the painful ceremony of receiving and returning visits was performed, he had recourse again to the company of his sea friends, with whom he spent the best part of his time. But if he was satisfied with his condition, the case was otherwise with Mrs Grizzle, who, finding her importance in the family greatly diminished, her attractions neglected by all the male sex in the neighbourhood, and the withering hand of time hang threatening over her head, began to feel the horror of eternal virginity, and, in a sort of desperation, resolved at any rate to rescue herself from that uncomfortable situation. Thus determined, she formed a plan, the execution of which, to a spirit less enterprising and sufficient than hers, would have appeared altogether impracticable; this was no other than to make a conquest of the commodore's heart, which the reader will easily believe was not very susceptible of tender impressions; but, on the contrary, fortified with insensibility and prejudice against the charms of the whole sex, and particularly prepossessed to the prejudice of that class distinguished by the appellation of old maids, in which Mrs Grizzle was by this time unhappily ranked. She nevertheless took the field, and, having invested this seemingly impregnable fortress, began to break ground one day, when Trunnion dined at her brother's, by springing certain ensnaring commendations on the honesty and sincerity of seafaring people, paying a particular attention to his plate, and affecting a simper of approbation at every thing he said, which by any means she could construe into a joke, or with modesty be supposed to hear; nay, even when he left decency on the left hand, which was often the case, she ventured to reprimand his freedom of speech with a gracious grin, saying, "sure you gentlemen belonging to the sea have such an odd way with you." But all this complacency was so ineffectual, that, far from suspecting the true cause of it, the commodore, that very evening, at the club, in presence of her brother, with whom by this time he could take any manner of freedom, did not scruple to damn her for a squinting, block-faced, chattering piss-kitchen; and immediately afterwards drank despair to all old maids. The toast Mr Pickle pledged without the least hesitation, and next day intimated it to his sister, who bore the indignity with surprising resignation, and did not therefore desist from her scheme, unpromising as it seemed to be, until her attention was called off, and engaged in another care, which, for some time, interrupted the progress of this design. Her sister had not been married many months, when she exhibited evident symptoms of pregnancy, to the general satisfaction of all concerned, and the inexpressible joy of Mrs Grizzle, who, as we have already hinted, was more interested in the preservation of the family name than in any other consideration whatever. She therefore no sooner discovered appearances to justify and confirm her hopes, than, postponing her own purpose, and laying aside that pique and resentment she had conceived from the behaviour of Mrs Pickle, when she superseded her authority, or perhaps considering her in no other light than that of the vehicle which contained and was destined to convey her brother's heir to light, she determined to exert her uttermost in nursing, tending, and cherishing her, during the term of her important charge. With this view, she purchased Culpepper's Midwifery, which, with that sagacious performance dignified with Aristotle's name, she studied with indefatigable care, and diligently perused the Complete Housewife, together with Quincy's Dispensatory, culling every jelly, marinalade, and conserve, which these authors recommend as either salutary or toothsome, for the benefit and comfort of her sister-inlaw, during her gestation. She restricted her from eating roots, pot-herbs, fruit, and all sorts of vegetables; and one day when Mrs Pickle had plucked a peach with her own hand, and was in the very act of putting it between her teeth, Mrs Grizzle perceived the rash attempt, and running up to her, fell upon her knees in the garden, entreating her, with tears in her eyes, to resist such a pernicious appetite. Her request was no sooner complied with, than, recollecting that if her sister's longing was baulked, the child might be affected with some disagreeable mark, or deplorable disease, she begged as earnestly, that she would swallow the fruit; and in the mean time ran for some cordial water of her own composing, which she forced upon her sister, as an antidote to the poison she had received. This excessive zeal and tenderness did not fail to be very troublesome to Mrs Pickle, who, having resolved divers plans for the recovery of her own ease, at length determined to engage Mrs Grizzle in such employment as would interrupt that close attendance which she found so teasing and disagreeable. |