the honours of perpetual precedence in the ranks of woe?-Many of their boasted traverses will be found to transform themselves into benefits; as I will evidence in a few instances already quoted, and as I might easily do in more :-" a Hurricane," when the first flurry of its arrival is over, retires as briskly as it advanced; and if it has removed a few crazy houses, it gratifies their late inhabitants with a valuable opportunity of rebuilding them, on corrected principles both of strength and taste." Shipwreck" is not unfrequently found to be an agent, (an ungentle one-I would not deny it,) for the Humane Society, by saving the sufferers from drowning.

Tes. Well done, my boy! all's well, so far; -but how for Sickness ?--For really, after all, I'm half afraid there's no fun in a fever!

Sen. Surely, Sir,-is it possible you should not have observed that sickness is yet more lavish of accommodations, which it even improves, with its own improving strength: at its maturer periods, more especially, it confers unlimited leisure for reflection, by the soothing stillness, and unbroken privacy which is enjoyed; while it totally exonerates from the toils of business, or study, and even from

the lightest cares of a family :-it guarantees from the pernicious consequences of turbulent exercises, by the horizontal posture which it unceasingly prescribes :—it bridles a roving disposition, by bringing its owner acquainted with retirement, in the most unqualified of all its forms:-it absorbs disturbing recollections in the still livelier and more awakening interests of the passing moment; as well as suspends the activity of the anti-social passions, by attracting the attention of the whole man to his own personal sensations :-it befriends temperance, by the infantine simplicity of diet which it introduces :-it wards off the varied injuries of the open air, by requiring the party to inhale, a thousand times over, the cherishing, equable, and safely-treasured atmosphere of a chamber :-it wholesomely instils the advantages of frugality, by its exhausting influence on the purse of the patient: and, as the crown of all its indulgencies, it attests the watchful alacrity of friendship, by imposing a constant and absolute dependance upon the humanity of others, for every the most minute article, whether of comfort or necessity.

So much for the mock-miseries of our

enemies, of the coarser class. As for their nobler order of calamities

Tes. That's right, Sensitive, follow them up!--whining dogs! don't leave 'em a foot of misery to stand upon;-they deserve a few of our sort of sorrows, if 'twere only to teach them the difference between hard and soft.

Sen. You break the chain of my thoughts, Mr Testy :-I was going to say, if I recollect, that even with respect to their higher class of calamities-insults, disappointments, treacheries, and all that family of mental mortifications, upon which they delight to dwell—if my nerves could speak, they would deliver such an oration, under each corresponding division of our catalogue, as, I doubt not, would, on an open trial of the rival titles, be strong enough to turn the Judge—

Tes. Yes, and starve out the most obstinate Pig of the Jury.

Sen. Were I, however, employed to lead the cause on our side, I might, perhaps, content myself by citing in this part, the celebrated sentence pronounced by another Orator, on another occasion,-with no other alteration than that of reversing the majority

of its verbs:-" Nam cætera neque temporum sunt, neque ætatum omnium, neque locorum; at hæc studia* adolescentiam carpunt, senectutem affligunt; secundas res foedant, adversis perfugium ac solatium adimunt; excruciant domi, necnon impediunt foris; pernoctant nobiscum, peregrinantur, rusticantur."

Tes. No, no; give it them in plain English, pray, while you are about it; when a man is in earnest, he always talks in his mothertongue; besides, quoting from a dead language looks a little like skulking, and that's not at all in my way, as you know-and so I bar Latin, mind; or if you must play the pedant, I'll be at your back, and keep translating at them, as you spout away.

Sen. Had you heard me patiently to an end, Sir, you would have found that I had done with Cicero, and was proceeding to defend our cause in our own language; as, with your permission, I will now do :

Cast then but a glance on man, and man's addictions; or look at his stations and aberrations, as delineated in our general map of

Studia; i. e. studies in the school of misfortune,

the world; and what will you discover?— "Horresco referens!"-an universal wilderness of blanks, or blots!-What, my poor Sir, are the Senses, but five yawning inlets to hourly and momentary molestations ?— What is your House, while you are in it, but a prison filled with nests of little reptiles-of insect-annoyances-which torment you the more, because they cannot kill you? and what is the same house, when you are out of it, but a shelter, out of reach, from the hostilities of the skies?-What is the Country, but a sandy desart at one season, or a swallowing quagmire at another?-What the Town, but an upper Tartarus of smoke, and din? What are Carriages, but cages upon wheels? What are Riding-horses, but purchased enemies, whom you pamper into strength, as well as inclination, to kick your brains out? What are Theatres, but licensed repositories for ill-told lies, or stifling shambles for the voluntary sacrifice of time, health, money, and morals ?-A Senatorial Debate, (when you have fought your way to it,) what is it but a national Main of Cocks?-What are Games, Sports, and Exercises, but devices of danger and fatigue to the performers, and