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we have in view may be said to come so very home to us, and, (in the mercantile language) are so constantly “in the course of arrival," that we require no preparation, as on most former Occasions.
Tes. Breakfast, and pass the day with me to-morrow :—if we begin then, we shall have some chance of coming to a conclusion by bed-time.
Sen. I will attend you; and, short as the notice is, I'll engage that the list will be lengthened, on both sides, by many a Groan that will escape
us in the interval. Tes. Ten o'clock precisely, mind,-or I sit down without you.
DIALOGUE THE TENTH.
MISERIES DOMESTIC ; INCLUDING THE DRESSING-ROOM, AND BE D-CHAMBER.
Testy, Senior and Junior.-Sensitive. (Testy's
Testy. Sır down, Sensitive; sit down. I wish you may be able to make out any thing like a meal. We should have had a rare opportunity for remarks, here, if we had not lately taken such good care of the breakfast table in that way.---As it is, make yourself as little of a wretch as you can.---You would have had neither tea nor sugar, I can tell you, if I I had not kicked open the tea-chest, a minute before you came in; for Mrs Testy, as usual
with her when she gads, has gadded off with every key in the house.---Come, begin, begin! --I have ordered as few things as possible for your breakfast, that you may have a negative chance of comfort, at least. I have taken care that there should be no coffee for you ---for there is not a jade, or a scoundrel in my kitchen, that I could ever yet get to wait for the third bubble ;-nor any cocoa, neither,for I would not poison you with a thousand bubbles, which they do wait for ;--and as for cold meat, and such things, I should be sorry to give my friend the orts of the cat, who they always contrive should be first served, by carefully leaving open the pantry door :I'll order up some butter, if you
it -you'll only excuse me from tasting it when it comes, that's all !-and perhaps, too, you may like your bread toasted, as they call itthat is, scorched, smoked, and smutted.
Sen. You are very attentive indeed, my good sir ;-and I will make the best of what remains, after you have so kindly impoverished the table for my benefit.
Tes. Well, but—there is no time to be lost, you know—we have only one whole day be
fore us, into which we have to cram the crosses of our whole domestic lives past besides, I am so fearful of forgetting a groan extorted from me, two hours ago, by one of my female “ caterpillars," (as a friend of mine ought to be worshipped for having nick-named servants,) that I must have it out at once:
GROAN 1. . (T.) Getting up early on a cold gloomy morning(quite enough already, you'll say; but that's not a tenth part of it,)—Getting up early in a cold gloomy morning, I say,—and on running down into the breakfast-room for warmth and comfort, finding chairs, tables, shovel, poker, tongs, and fender, huddled, two or three yards high, into the middle of the room-dust flying in all directions carpet tossed backwards-floor newly washedwindows wide open-bees-wax, brush, and rubber in one corner-brooms, mops, and pails in another —and a dingy Drab on her knees, before an empty grate.
There's a set of jewels for our cabinet of “ Miseries !"-all of the first water, and in the rightest order for our use !
Sen. I had myself intended to open with another of the same species—but you have struck me dumb.
Tes. Pho, pho !-let's have it: when a diamond does not come in the way, we must put up with a pearl.
Sen. Well, then—if you won't despise
Having to pass the maid as she is scowering the stairs;—to which I intended to add-seeing, hearing, or guessing, any thing at all of the matter, when washing and drying are going on in the house :-or, what is worse still, having to duck, and flap, your way through lines, or rather lanes, of clammy clothes, just hung out to dry.
3. (T.) On coming into the room, frost-bitten,-attempting to stir a very compact fire with a red hot poker, which, from being worn to a thread towards the bottom, bends double at the slightest touch, without discomposing a coal.
Sen. Yes: or, on the other hand,
4. (S.) Raising them too much, when the grate is overcharged; and so, notwithstanding all your caution,