"If hitherto, my dear brother, you have beguiled yourself with prospects of the same visionary nature, never expect to be more successful in your future pursuits. One labour will only succeed another, making way for continual discontent and chagrin. Open your heart, and there you will discover the source of that painful inquietude to which, by your own confession, you have been long a prey. Examine its secret recesses, and you will discover there sufficient proofs of the following truths: The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. All have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. The thoughts of man's heart are only evil, and that continually. The natural man understandeth not the things of the Spirit of God.' On the discovery of these and other important truths, you will be convinced that man is an apostate being, composed of a sensual rebellious body, and a soul immersed in pride, self-love, and ignorance: nay, more, you will perceive it a physical impossibility, that man should ever become truly happy, till he is cast, as it were, into a new mould, and created a second time.

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For my own part, when I first began to know myself, I saw, I felt that man is an undefinable animal ; partly of a bestial, and partly of an infernal, nature. This discovery shocked my self-love, and filled me with the utmost horror. I endeavoured, for some time, to throw a palliating disguise over the wretchedness of my condition; but the impression it had already made upon my heart was too deep to be erased. It was to no purpose that I reminded myself of the morality of my conduct. It was in vain that I recollected the many encomiums that had been passed upon my early piety and virtue. And it was to little avail, that I sought to cast a mist before my eyes, by reasonings like these,If conversion implies a total change, who has been converted in these days? Why dost thou imagine thyself worse than thou really art? Thou art a believer in God, and in Christ: thou art a Christian: thou hast injured no person: thou art neither a drunkard, nor an adulterer: thou hast discharged thy duties, not only in a general way, but with more than ordinary exactness: thou art a strict attendant at church: thou art accustomed to pray more regularly than others, and frequently

with a good degree of fervour. Make thyself perfectly easy. Moreover, Jesus Christ has suffered for thy sins, and his merit will supply everything that is lacking on thy part.

:

"It was by reasonings of this nature, that I endeavoured to conceal from myself the deplorable state of my heart and I am ashamed, my dear brother,—I repeat it, I am ashamed, that I suffered myself so long to be deluded by the artifices of Satan, and the devices of my own heart. God himself has invited me; a cloud of apostles, prophets, and martyrs, have exhorted me; and my conscience, animated by those sparks of grace which are latent in every breast, has urged me to enter in at the strait gate; but, notwithstanding all this, a subtle tempter, a deluding world, and a deceived heart, have constantly turned the balance, for above these twenty years, in favour of the broad way. I have passed the most lovely part of my life in the service of these tyrannical masters, and am ready to declare in the face of the universe, that all my reward has consisted in disquietude and remorse. Happy had I been, if I had listened to the earliest invitations of grace, and broken their iron yoke from off my neck!"

12. From this time, his hopes and fears, his desires and pursuits, were totally changed.* From the heights of self-exaltation, he sunk into the depths of self-abhorrence; and from shining in the foremost ranks of the virtuous, he placed himself on a level with the chief of sinners. Conviction made way for unfeigned repentance, and repentance laid a solid foundation for Christian piety. His sorrow for sin was succeeded by a consciousness of the Almighty's favour, and the pangs of remorse gave way to the joys of remission. Believing on Jesus, as the Scripture hath said, he found in him a well of consolation, "springing up into everlasting life." All his wanderings were at once happily terminated, his doubts were removed, his tears were dried up, and he began to rejoice in hope of the glory of God. His conversion was not imaginary, but real. It not only influenced his sentiments, but extended to his conduct. Whom he had found a Saviour, he determined to follow as a guide: and so unalterable was this determination, that from Gilpin's Notes.

the very hour in which it was formed, it is not known that he ever cast a wishful look behind him. A cloud of witnesses are ready to testify, that from his earliest acquaintance with the truths of the Gospel, he continued to walk worthy of his high vocation, "growing in grace,' and "adorning the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things."

13. From this period of his life, he became truly exemplary for Christian piety. He walked cheerfully, as well as valiantly, in the ways of God. He closely followed his Master, denying himself, and taking up his cross daily. And thinking he had not leisure in the day for the great work which he had in hand, he made it an invariable rule to sit up two whole nights in a week. These he dedicated to reading, meditation, and prayer, in order to enter more deeply into that communion with the Father and the Son, which was his delight. Meantime, he lived entirely on vegetable food, and for some time on bread, with milk and water. Indeed, one reason of his doing this was, that being threatened with a consumption in his early days, he had been advised by a physician to live on vegetables; and he now the more readily complied with the advice, because by this mean he avoided dining with the company at Mr. Hill's table. Mrs. Fletcher observes, that besides watching the two whole nights every week, just mentioned, his custom was never to sleep till he could no longer keep awake; and that, therefore, he always took a candle and book with him to bed. This imprudence had once almost cost him his life, if the calamity had stopped there, which, it is probable, it would not. For one night, being overcome with sleep before he put out his candle, he dreamed that his curtain, pillow, and cap, were all on fire, but went out without doing him any harm. And truly so it was. For in the morning, the curtain, pillow, and part of his cap, as also of the hymn-book in which he had been reading, were found burned. The hymn-book, in part burned, Mrs. Fletcher had afterwards in her possession. Not a hair, however, of his head was singed. A wonderful proof this, indeed, of God's care of his people, and that his angel encampeth round about them that fear him.

"None can doubt," as Mr. Wesley observes, "whether

these austerities were well intended. But it seems, they were not well judged. It is probable they gave the first wound to an excellent constitution, and laid the foundation of many infirmities, which nothing but death could cure." Indeed, he seems afterwards to have been fully apprized of his error in this respect, remarking once to Mrs. Fletcher, when conversing with her about mortification, that if he had that time to spend again, he would not act in the same manner, either with regard to meat or sleep. "I have sometimes observed," added he, "that when the body is brought low, Satan gains an advantage over the soul. It is certainly our duty to take all the care we can of our health. But at that time, I did not seem to feel the want of the sleep I deprived myself of."

CHAPTER III.

FROM HIS CONVERSION TO HIS TAKING ORDERS, AND ENTERING UPON THE WORK OF THE MINISTRY.

1. Ir was not long after he had himself "felt the powers of the world to come," that he was pressed in spirit, to exhort others to seek after the same blessing. And he was the more strongly excited to this by seeing the world all around him "lying in wickedness." Being deeply sensible of the goodness of God on the one hand, and the misery of mankind on the other, he found an earnest longing

"To pluck poor brands out of the fire,

To snatch them from the verge of hell."

This he began to do a considerable time before he was admitted into holy orders. And even his first labours of love were far from being in vain. For though he was by no means perfect in the English tongue, particularly with regard to the pronunciation of it; yet the earnestness with which he spoke, (seldom to be found in English Preachers,) and the unspeakably tender affection to poor, undone sinners, which breathed in every word and gesture, drew multitudes of people to hear him; and, by the blessing of God, his word made so deep an impression on their hearts, that very few went empty away.

2. From this time, till he took the direct care of souls, he used to be in London during the sitting of Parliament, and the rest of the year at Tern-Hall, (as it was then called,) instructing the young gentlemen. Every Sunday, when in the country, he attended the parish church at Atcham. But, when the service was ended, instead of going home in the coach, which was always ready, he usually took a solitary walk by the Severn side, and spent some time in meditation and prayer. A pious domestic of Mr. Hill, having frequently observed him, one Sunday desired leave to walk with him, which he