Virgin Mary" in Latin, which occupied a good hour, as far as I can remember. I am not sure whether the occupation just mentioned did not precede the " conference”—at all events all the morning Sunday duties have been mentioned. After dinner, there being no public confessions on Sunday, we had recreation for an hour; then came "Vespers," which were read by the Superior, the novices repeating the alternate verses of the psalms and responses. After vespers we went out to catechise the children of the poor, and proceeded on our walk, when the time allotted to that missionary duty had expired. On our return home, everything went on as usual, precisely as on any other day. Such was our Sabbath in the Novitiate: if it has not edified, I trust that it has not scandalised, the reader. 259 CHAPTER XVII. REFLECTIONS. THE SUPERIOR'S RETREAT.-A GENERAL ORDER.-A PANG. My narrative is now drawing to a close. Having just recalled and meditated the events which I am about to describe, I feel a sadness of the heart: the sadness of human sympathy at the remembrance of those hopes which it was my destiny to nourish into bloom, and again my destiny to cause to wither and to die! At this still hour of the wintry night, meditating, I have cast my eyes ever and anon on the exotics that adorn my window and its inner arch. The few flowers that remain droop and are withering, but the vigorous Coboea that intertwines the arch is as verdant as when the summer sun kissed it with his beams: it will bloom when they woo it again. An exotic, as I was, transplanted from the world into the conservatory of Probation, my soul put forth its forced bloom in this winter of youth-the brilliant flowers pleased the gardeners of my soul-and in the height of that blossoming, as in all beautiful sweet things, it seemed that no blight could ever mar the well-pro tected plant. But the blight came; and the plant which had been forced to bloom, to please the eyes or cupidity of its trainers, dropped the flowers that had pleased so well. Meanwhile the arch of reason, with its everlasting verdure, lived on transparently bright; hoping for a natural spring, an appointed summer. Eleven months of my probation had passed away. Occasional doubts, frequent doubts, as to my fitness for the Society of the Jesuits had marred the joys of that solitude which I may be permitted to call the oasis of my life: since there, only, did I feel the immeasurable supremacy of mind over body. Had I meditated less fervently, had I been less sincere in my ardour for perfection, doubtless I had become a Jesuit; but the very moment that I felt the full force of the awful vow-perfect obedience to man-at that moment my dream was passed-I exclaimed: The die is cast! Poverty, be thou once more my mother! World of my fellow-men, be thou once more my battle-field! I can at least die with self-respect; that last and satisfying solace of those who have "fallen on evil days!" Again I seemed to stand alone. I had long endeavoured to distinguish between the "greater glory of God" and the greater glory of the Society of the Jesuits. I had fixed the idea in my mind that in this matter, as in everything else, the end was distinct from the means; and though on one occasion I heard the same thought expressed by a novice, yet I am compelled to declare every other remark pronounced in the Novitiate, whether by novices or Superiors who visited us, brought home the growing conviction that we were prepared to take our shares" in a grand speculation which was to invest the entire earth in its grasping monopoly. I looked for faith; I found self: its interests and its cravings. In the men who had been trained as we were, I saw no indications of that training. We were taught to keep every sense in restraint-I was often scandalised by the trivial remarks, eager curiosity, unreligious deportment of the men who were far advanced in the grades of the Society. What, then, has become of all this training-has it been of no effect? See the same Jesuits in the world, -demure or gay, mild or severe, learned or ignorant -worming their way like IGNATIUS, who never spoke in conversation with strangers until he had divined the characters of all his hearers from what they had uttered. The "Fathers" were natural with us; it is in the world that they become supernatural-that they show how they were trained. Unsatisfactory as was the opinion I formed of the intellectual attainment of those whom I met at Stonyhurst, I doubt not, (and I candidly record the fact) that each and all had their peculiar talent: their tact, adapted to some peculiar emergency. These opinions are sincere. I stand by them. No party feelings, no base motives, have influenced me: the very important fact that I have lived among these men has made me scrupulous lest I should emit aught that may mislead the minds of those who read for instruction. I believe what I have written: tected plant. But the blight came; and the plant which had been forced to bloom, to please the eyes or cupidity of its trainers, dropped the flowers that had pleased so well. Meanwhile the arch of reason, with its everlasting verdure, lived on transparently bright; hoping for a natural spring, an appointed summer. Eleven months of my probation had passed away. Occasional doubts, frequent doubts, as to my fitness for the Society of the Jesuits had marred the joys of that solitude which I may be permitted to call the oasis of my life: since there, only, did I feel the immeasurable supremacy of mind over body. Had I meditated less fervently, had I been less sincere in my ardour for perfection, doubtless I had become a Jesuit; but the very moment that I felt the full force of the awful vow-perfect obedience to man-at that moment my dream was passed-I exclaimed: The die is cast! Poverty, be thou once more my mother! World of my fellow-men, be thou once more my battle-field! I can at least die with self-respect; that last and satisfying solace of those who have "fallen on evil days!" Again I seemed to stand alone. I had long endeavoured to distinguish between the "greater glory of God" and the greater glory of the Society of the Jesuits. I had fixed the idea in my mind that in this matter, as in everything else, the end was distinct from the means; and though on one occasion I heard the same thought expressed by a novice, yet I am compelled to declare every other remark |