love

my friend better than when I am fighting with him. To bear malice is more like a Frenchman than an Englishman."

He then proposed a libation, as a necessary part of the ceremony at all treaties of this kind. Perhaps the reader may here conclude that he was well versed in ancient history; but this, though highly probable, as he cited no authority to support the custom, I will not affirm with any confidence. Most likely indeed it is, that he founded his opinion on very good authority, since he confirmed it with many violent oaths.

Jones no sooner heard the proposal, than immediately agreeing with the learned serjeant, he ordered a bowl, or rather a large mug, filled with the liquor used on these occasions, to be brought in, and then began the ceremony himself. He placed his right hand in that of the landlord, and, seizing the bowl with his left, uttered the usual words, and then made his libation. After which the same was observed by all present. Indeed there is very little need of being particular in describing the whole form, as it differed so little from those libations of which so much is recorded in ancient authors, and their modern transcribers. The principal difference lay in two instances; for, first, the present company poured the liquor only down their throats; and, secondly, the serjeant, who officiated as priest, drank the last; but he preserved, I believe, the ancient form, in swallow ing much the largest draught of the whole company, and in being the only person present who contributed nothing towards the libation, besides his good offices in assisting at the perform

ance.

The good people now ranged themselves round the kitchen fire, where good humour seemed to maintain an absolute dominion, and Partridge not only forgot his shameful defeat, but converted hunger into thirst, and soon became extremely facetious. We must, however, quit this agreeable assembly for a while, and attend Mr Jones to Mrs Waters's apartment, where the dinner which he had now bespoke was on the table. Indeed it took no long time in preparing, having been all drest three days before, and required nothing more from the cook than to warm it over again.

CHAP. V.

An apology for all Heroes who have good stomachs, with a description of a battle of the amorous kind.

HEROES, notwithstanding the high ideas which, by the means of flatterers, they may entertain of themselves, or the world may conceive of them, have certainly more of mortal than divine about them. However elevated their minds may be,

their bodies at least, (which is much the major part of most) are liable to the worst infirmities, and subject to the vilest offices of human nature. Among these latter the act of eating, which hath by several wise men been considered as extremely mean and derogatory from the philosophic dignity, must be, in some measure, performed by the greatest prince, hero, or philosopher upon earth; nay, sometimes Nature hath been so frolicsome as to exact of these dignified characters a much more exorbitant share of this office, than she hath obliged those of the lowest order to perform.

To say the truth, as no known inhabitant of this globe is really more than man, so none need be ashamed of submitting to what the necessities of man demand: but when those great personages I have just mentioned condescend to aim at confining such low offices to themselves, as when, by hoarding or destroying, they seem desirous to prevent any others from eating, they then surely become very low and despicable.

Now after this short preface, we think it no disparagement to our hero to mention the immoderate ardour with which he laid about him at this season. Indeed it may be doubted whether Ulysses, who, by the way, seems to have had the best stomach of all the heroes in that eating poem of the Odyssey, ever made a better meal. Three pounds, at least, of that flesh which formerly had contributed to the composition of an ox, was now honoured with becoming part of the individual Mr Jones.

This particular we thought ourselves obliged to mention, as it may account for our hero's temporary neglect of his fair companion, who eat but very little, and was indeed employed in considerations of a very different nature, which passed unobserved by Jones, till he had entirely satisfied that appetite which a fast of twenty-four hours had procured him: but his dinner was no sooner ended, than his attention to other matters revived; with these matters, therefore, we shall now proceed to acquaint the reader.

Mr Jones, of whose personal accomplishments we have hitherto said very little, was, in reality, one of the handsomest young fellows in the world. His face, besides being the picture of health, had in it the most apparent marks of sweetness and good-nature. These qualities were indeed so characteristical in his countenance, that while the spirit and sensibility in his eyes, though they must have been perceived by an accurate observer, might have escaped the notice of the less discerning, so strongly was this good-nature painted in his look, that it was remarked by almost every one who saw him.

It was, perhaps, as much owing to this, as to a very fine complexion, that his face had a delicacy in it almost inexpressible, and which might have given him an air rather too effeminate, had it not been joined to a most masculine

person and mien; which latter had as much in them of the Hercules, as the former had of the Adonis. He was, besides, active, genteel, gay, and good-humoured, and had a flow of animal spirits which enlivened every conversation where he was present.

When the reader hath duly reflected on these many charms which all centered in our hero, and considers at the same time the fresh obligations which Mrs Waters had to him, it will be a mark more of prudery than candour to entertain a bad opinion of her, because she conceived a very good opinion of him.

But whatever censures may be passed upon her, it is my business to relate matters of fact with veracity. Mrs Waters had, in truth, not only a good opinion of our hero, but a very great affection for him. To speak out boldly at once, she was in love, according to the present universally received sense of that phrase, by which love is applied indiscriminately to the desirable objects of all our passions, appetites, and senses, and is understood to be that preference which we give to one kind of food rather than to another.

But though the love to these several objects may possibly be one and the same in all cases, its operations, however, must be allowed to be different; for how much soever we may be in love with an excellent sirloin of beef, or bottle of Burgundy, with a damask rose, or Cremona fiddle, yet do we never smile, nor ogle, nor dress, nor flatter, nor endeavour by any other arts or tricks to gain the affection of the said beef, &c. Sigh, indeed, we sometimes may, but it is generally in the absence, not in the presence, of the beloved object; for otherwise we might possibly complain of their ingratitude and deafness, with the same reason as Pasiphæ doth of her bull, whom she endeavoured to engage by all the coquetry practised with good success in the drawing-room, on the much more sensible, as well as tender hearts, of the fine gentlemen there.

The contrary happens, in that love which operates between persons of the same species, but of different sexes. Here we are no sooner in love than it becomes our principal care to engage the affection of the object beloved. For what other purpose indeed are our youth instructed in all the arts of rendering themselves agreeable? If it was not with a view to this love, I question whether any of those trades which deal in setting off and adorning the human person would procure a livelihood. Nay, those great polishers of our manners, who are by some thought to teach what principally distinguishes us from the brute creation, even dancing-masters themselves, might possibly find no place in society. In short, all the graces which young ladies, and young gentlemen too, learn from others, and the many improvements which, by the help of a looking-glass, they add of their

own, are, in reality, those very spicula et faces amoris, so often mentioned by Ovid, or, as they are sometimes called in our own language, The whole artillery of love.

Now, Mrs Waters and our hero had no sooner sat down together, than the former began to play this artillery upon the latter. But here, as we are about to attempt a description hitherto unessayed, either in prose or verse, we think proper to invoke the assistance of certain aerial beings, who will, we doubt not, come kindly to our aid on this occasion.

Say then, ye Graces, you that inhabit the heavenly mansions of Seraphina's countenance; for you are truly divine, are always in her presence, and well know all the arts of charming; say, what were the weapons now used to captivate the heart of Mr Jones?

"First, from two lovely blue eyes, whose bright orbs flashed lightning at their discharge, flew forth two pointed ogles; but, happily for our hero, hit only a vast piece of beef which he was then conveying into his plate, and harmless spent their force. The fair warrior perceived their miscarriage, and immediately from her fair bosom drew forth a deadly sigh; a sigh which none could have heard unmoved, and which was sufficient at once to have swept off a dozen beaus; so soft, so sweet, so tender, that the insinuating air must have found its subtle way to the heart of our hero, had it not luckily been driven from his ears by the coarse bubbling of some bottled ale, which at that time he was pouring forth. Many other weapons did she essay; but the god of eating (if there be any such deity; for I do not confidently assert it) preserved his votary; or perhaps it may not be dignus vindice nodus, and the present security of Jones may be accounted for by natural means; for as love frequently preserves from the attacks of hunger, so may hunger possibly, in some cases, defend us against love.

"The fair one, enraged at her frequent disappointments, determined on a short cessation of arms; which interval she employed in making ready every engine of amorous warfare for the renewing of the attack, when dinner should be

over.

"No sooner then was the cloth removed, than she again began her operations. First, having planted her right eye sideways against Mr Jones, she shot from its corner a most penetrating glance, which, though great part of its force was spent before it reached our hero, did not vent itself absolutely without effect. This the fair one perceiving, hastily withdrew her eyes, and levelled them downwards, as if she was concerned for what she had done; though by this means she designed only to draw him from his guard, and indeed to open his eyes, through which she intended to surprise his heart. And now, gently lifting up those two bright orbs which had already begun to make an impression on poor Jones,

she discharged a volley of small charms at once from her whole countenance in a smile. Not a smile of mirth, nor of joy, but a smile of affection, which most ladies have always ready at their command, and which serves them to show at once their good-humour, their pretty dimples, and their white teeth.

"This smile our hero received full in his eyes, and was immediately staggered with its force. He then began to see the designs of the enemy, and indeed to feel their success. A parley now was set on foot between the parties, during which the artful fair so slily and imperceptibly carried on her attack, that she had almost subdued the heart of our hero, before she again repaired to acts of hostility. To confess the truth, I am afraid Mr Jones maintained a kind of Dutch defence, and treacherously delivered up the garrison, without duly weighing his allegiance to the fair Sophia. In short, no sooner had the amorous parley ended, and the lady had unmasked the royal battery, by carelessly letting her handkerchief drop from her neck, than the heart of Mr Jones was entirely taken, and the fair conqueror enjoyed the usual fruits of her victory." Here the Graces think proper to end their description, and here we think proper to end the chapter.

CHAP. VI.

A friendly conversation in the kitchen, which had a very common, though not very friendly conclusion.

WHILE Our lovers were entertaining themselves in the manner which is partly described in the foregoing chapter, they were likewise furnishing out an entertainment for their good friends in the kitchen; and this in a double sense, by affording them matter for their conversation, and, at the same time, drink to enliven their spirits.

There were now assembled round the kitchenfire, besides my landlord and landlady, who occasionally went back ward and forward, Mr Partridge, the serjeant, and the coachman who drove the young lady and her maid.

Partridge having acquainted the company with what he had learnt from the Man of the Hill, concerning the situation in which Mrs Waters had been found by Jones, the serjeant proceeded to that part of her history which was known to him. He said, she was the wife of Mr Waters, who was a captain in their regiment, and had often been with him at quarters. "Some folks," says he, "used indeed to doubt whether they were lawfully married in a church or no; but, for my part, that's no business of mine. I must own, if I was put to my corporal oath, I believe she is little better than one of us; and I fancy the captain may go to heaven when the

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sun shines upon a rainy day. But if he does, that is neither here nor there; for he won't want company. And the lady, to give the devil his due, is a very good sort of lady, and loves the cloth, and is always desirous to do strict justice to it; for she hath begged off many a poor soldier, and, by her good-will, would never have any of them punished. But yet, to be sure, Ensign Northerton and she were very well acquainted together at our last quarters, that is the very right and truth of the matter. But the captain he knows nothing about it; and as long as there is enough for him too, what does it signify? He loves her not a bit the worse, and I am certain would run any man through the body that was to abuse her; therefore I won't abuse her for my part. I only repeat what other folks say; and to be certain, what every body says, there must be some truth in."Ay, ay, a great deal of truth, I warrant you,' cries Partridge; "veritas odium parit."—" All a parcel of scandalous stuff," answered the mistress of the house. "I am sure, now she is drest, she looks like a very good sort of lady, and she behaves herself like one; for she gave me a guinea for the use of my clothes." "A very good lady indeed," cries the landlord; " and if you had not been a little too hasty, you would not have quarrelled with her as you did at first.”"You need mention that, with my truly," answered she;" if it had not been for your nonsense, nothing had happened. You must be meddling with what did not belong to you, and throw in your fool's discourse."-" Well, well," answered he, "what's past cannot be mended, so there's an end of the matter."-"Yes," cries she, "for this once; but will it be mended ever the more hereafter? This is not the first time that I have suffered for your numscull's pate. I wish you would always hold your tongue in the house, and meddle only in matters without doors which concern you. Don't you remember what happened about seven years ago?"—"Nay, my dear," returned he, " don't rip up old stories. Come, come, all's well, and I am sorry for what I have done."-The landlady was going to reply, but was prevented by the peace-making serjeant, sorely to the displeasure of Partridge, who was a great lover of what is called fun, and a great promoter of those harmless quarrels which tend rather to the production of comical than tragical incidents.

The serjeant asked Partridge, whither he and his master were travelling?" None of your magisters," answered Partridge; " I am no man's servant, I assure you; for though I have had misfortunes in the world, I write gentleman after my name; and as poor and simple as I may appear now, I have taught grainmar-school in my time. Sed hei mihi! non sum quod fui.”— "No offence, I hope, sir," said the serjeant; "where then, if I may venture to be so bold, may you and your friend be travelling?”

"You have now denominated us right," says Partridge. "Amici sumus. And I promise you my friend is one of the greatest gentlemen in the kingdom," (at which words both landlord and landlady pricked up their ears ;) "he is the heir of Squire Allworthy."-" What, the squire who doth so much good all over the country?" cries my landlady." Even he," answered Partridge." Then I warrant," says she, "he'll have a swingeing great estate hereafter."-"Most certainly," answered Partridge." Well," replied the landlady, "I thought the first moment I saw him he looked like a good sort of gentleman; but my husband here, to be sure, is wiser than any body."-" I own, my dear," cries he, "it was a mistake."-"A mistake indeed!" answered she; " but when did you ever know me to make such mistakes?"-" But how comes it, sir," cries the landlord, "that such a great gentleman walks about the country a-foot?"— "I don't know," returned Partridge; "great gentlemen have humours sometimes. He hath now a dozen horses and servants at Gloucester; and nothing would serve him, but last night, it being very hot weather, he must cool himself with a walk to yon high hill, whither I likewise walked with him to bear him company; but if ever you catch me there again! for I was never so frightened in all my life. We met with the strangest man there!""I'll be hanged," cries the landlord, "if it was not the Man of the Hill, as they call him, if indeed he be a man; but I know several people who believe it is the devil that lives there."-" Nay, nay, like enough," says Partridge; " and now you put me in the head of it, I verily and sincerely believe it was the devil, though I could not perceive his cloven foot; but perhaps he might have the power given him to hide that, since evil spirits can appear in what shapes they please." -" And pray, sir," says the serjeant, "no of fence I hope; but pray, what sort of a gentleman is the devil? for I have heard some of our officers say, there is no such person; and that it is only a trick of the parsons, to prevent their being broke; for if it was publicly known that there was no devil, the parsons would be of no more use than we are in time of peace." "Those officers," says Partridge, "are very great scholars, I suppose."-" Not much of schollards neither," answered the serjeant; "they have not half your learning, sir, I believe; and to be sure, I thought there must be a devil, notwithstanding what they said, though one of them was a captain; for methought, thinks I to my self, if there be no devil, how can wicked people be sent to him? and I have read all that upon a book."-" Some of your officers," quoth the landlord, "will find there is a devil, to

their shame, I believe. I don't question but he'll pay off some old scores, upon my account. Here was one quartered upon me half a year, who had the conscience to take up one of my best beds, though he hardly spent a shilling aday in the house, and suffered his men to roast cabbages at the kitchen-fire, because I would not give them a dinner on a Sunday. Every good Christian must desire there should be a devil, for the punishment of such wretches.""Harkee, landlord," said the serjeant, "don't abuse the cloth; for I won't take it."-" D—n the cloth," answered the landlord, "I have suffered enough by them."-" Bear witness, gentlemen," says the serjeant, "he curses the king, and that's high treason."-" I curse the king! you villain," said the landlord.-" Yes, you did," cries the serjeant; "you cursed the cloth, and that's cursing the king. It's all one and the same; for every man who curses the cloth, would curse the king if he durst; so for matter o'that it's all one and the same thing."-" Excuse me there, Mr Serjeant," quoth Partridge; "that's a non sequitur."—" None of your outlandish linguo," answered the serjeant, leaping from his seat; "I will not sit still and hear the cloth abused." "You mistake me, friend," cries Partridge; "I did not mean to abuse the cloth; I only said your conclusion was a non sequitur."*" You are another," cries the serjeant, "an you come to that. No more a sequitur than yourself. You are a pack of rascals, and I'll prove it; for I will fight the best man of you all for twenty pound."-This challenge effectually silenced Partridge, whose stomach for drubbing did not so soon return after the hearty meal which he had lately been treated with; but the coachman, whose bones were less sore, and appetite for fighting was somewhat sharper, did not so easily brook the affront, of which he conceived some part at least fell to his share. He started therefore from his seat, and advancing to the serjeant, swore he looked on himself to be as good a man as any in the army, and offered to box for a guinea. The military man accepted the combat, but refused the wager; upon which both immediately stript and engaged, till the driver of horses was so well mauled by the leader of men, that he was obliged to exhaust his small remainder of breath in begging for quarter.

The young lady was now desirous to depart, and had given orders for her coach to be prepared; but all in vain, for the coachman was disabled from performing his office for that evening. An ancient heathen would perhaps have imputed this disability to the god of drink, no less than to the god of war; for, in reality, both the combatants had sacrificed as well to the for

mer deity as to the latter. To speak plainly, they were both dead drunk, nor was Partridge in a much better situation. As for my landlord, drinking was his trade, and the liquor had no more effect on him than it had on any other vessel in his house.

The mistress of the inn being summoned to attend Mr Jones and his companion at their tea, gave a full relation of the latter part of the foregoing scene; and, at the same time, expressed great concern for the young lady, "who," she said, was under the utmost uneasiness at being prevented from pursuing her journey. She is a sweet pretty creature," added she; " and I am certain I have seen her face before. I fancy she is in love, and running away from her friends. Who knows but some young gentleman or other may be expecting her, with a heart as heavy as her own."

Jones fetched a heavy sigh at these words, of which, though Mrs Waters observed it, she took no notice while the landlady continued in the room; but after the departure of that good woman, she could not forbear giving our hero certain hints of her suspecting some very dangerous rival in his affections. The awkward behaviour of Mr Jones on this occasion convinced her of the truth, without his giving her a direct answer to any of her questions; but she was not nice enough in her amours to be greatly concerned at the discovery. The beauty of Jones highly charmed her eye; but as she could not see his heart, she gave herself no concern about it. She could feast heartily at the table of love, without reflecting that some other already had been, or hereafter might be, feasted with the same repast; a sentiment which, if it deals but little in refinement, deals however much in substance, and is less capricious, and perhaps less ill-natured and selfish, than the desires of those females who can be contented enough to abstain from the possession of their lover, provided they are sufficiently satisfied that no one else possesses

them.

CHAP. VII.

Containing a fuller account of Mrs Waters, and by what means she came into that distressful situation from which she was rescued by Jones.

THOUGH Nature hath by no means mixed up an equal share either of curiosity or vanity in every human composition, there is perhaps no individual to whom she hath not allotted such a proportion of both, as requires much art, and pains too, to subdue and keep under. A conquest, however, absolutely necessary to every one who would in any degree deserve the characters of wisdom or good breeding.

As Jones, therefore, might very justly be called a well-bred man, he had stifled all that curi

osity which the extraordinary manner in which he had found Mrs Waters, must be supposed to have occasioned. He had indeed at first thrown out some few hints to the lady; but when he perceived her industriously avoiding any explanation, he was contented to remain in ignorance, the rather as he was not without suspicion that there were some circumstances which must have raised her blushes, had she related the whole truth. Now, since it is possible that some of our readers may not so easily acquiesce under the same ignorance, and as we are very desirous to satisfy them all, we have taken uncommon pains to inform ourselves of the real fact, with the relation of which we shall conclude this Book.

This lady, then, had lived some years with one Captain Waters, who was a captain in the same regiment to which Mr Northerton belonged. She passed for that gentleman's wife, and went by his name; and yet, as the serjeant said, there were some doubts concerning the reality of their marriage, which we shall not at present take upon us to resolve.

Mrs Waters, I am sorry to say it, had for some time contracted an intimacy with the abovementioned ensign, which did no great credit to her reputation. That she had a remarkable fondness for that young fellow, is most certain; but whether she indulged this to any very criminal lengths, is not so extremely clear, unless we will suppose that women never grant every favour to a man but one, without granting him that one also.

The division of the regiment to which Captain Waters belonged, had two days preceded the march of that company to which Mr Northerton was the ensign; so that the former had reached Worcester the very day after the unfortunate rencounter between Jones and Northerton, which we have before recorded.

Now it had been agreed between Mrs Waters and the captain, that she would accompany him in his march as far as Worcester, where they were to take their leave of each other, and she was thence to return to Bath, where she was to stay till the end of the winter's campaign against the rebels.

With this agreement Mr Northerton was made acquainted. To say the truth, the lady had made him an assignation at this very place, and promised to stay at Worcester till his division came thither; with what view, and for what purpose, must be left to the reader's divination; for though we are obliged to relate facts, we are not obliged to do a violence to our nature, by any comments to the disadvantage of the loveliest part of the creation.

Northerton no sooner obtained a release from his captivity, as we have seen, than he hasted away to overtake Mrs Waters; which, as he was a very active nimble fellow, he did at the lastmentioned city, some few hours after Captain Waters had left her. At his first arrival he inade