630

GLORYING IN THE STAMP ACT. [Part 8 July 1712

IV. 28

POLYBIUS! I have borrowed considerable ornaments from DIONYSIUS Harlicarnasseus and DIODORUS SICULUS! The specious gilding of TACITUS, I have endeavoured to shun! MARIANA, D'AVILA, and Fra PAULO are those among the Moderns, whom I thought most worthy of imitation ; but I cannot be so disingenuous, as not to own the infinite obligations I have to the Pilgrim's Progress of JOHN BUNYAN, and the Tenter Belly of the Rev. JOSEPH HALL.

From such encouragement and helps, it is easy to guess, to what a degree of perfection I might have brought this great Work, had it not been nipped in the bud, by some illiterate people in both Houses of Parliament: who, envying the great figure I was to make in future Ages, under pretence of raising money for the war, have padlocked [by the Stamp Act] all those very pens that were to celebrate the actions of their heroes, by silencing at once the whole University of Grub street. I am persuaded that nothing but the prospect of an approaching Peace could have encouraged them to make so bold a step. But suffer me, in the name of the rest of the Matriculates of that famous University, to ask them some plain questions. Do they think that Peace will bring along with it a Golden Age? Will there be never a dying speech of a Traitor? Are CETHEGUS and CATALINE turned so tame that there will be no opportunity to cry about the streets, "A dangerous Plot!"? Will Peace bring such Plenty that no gentleman will have occasion to go upon the highway, or break into a house?

I am sorry that the World should be so much imposed upon, by the dreams of a false prophet, as to imagine the Millenium is at hand. O Grub street! thou fruitful nursery of towering geniuses! how do I lament thy downfall! Thy ruin could never be meditated by any who meant well to English Liberty! No modern Lycæum will ever equal thy glory, whether in soft Pastorals thou sangst the flames of pampered apprentices and coy cookmaids, or mournful

Ditties of departing lovers! or if to Mœonian strains, thou raisedst thy voice, to record the stratagems, the arduous exploits, and the nocturnal scalade of needy heroes, the terror of your peaceful citizen! describing the powerful BETTY, or the artful PICKLOCK, or the secret caverns and grottoes of VULCAN sweating at his forge and stamping the Queen's image on viler metals, which he retails for beef and pots of ale! or if thou wert content in simple Narrative to relate the cruel acts of implacable revenge; or the complaints of ravished virgins blushing to tell their adventure before the listening crowd of City damsels: whilst, in thy faithful History, thou interminglest the gravest counsels and the purest morals! nor less acute and piercing wert thou in thy search and pompous description of the Works of Nature; whether, in proper and emphatic terms, thou didst paint the blazing comet's fiery tail, the stupendous force of dreadful thunder and earthquakes, and the unrelenting inundations! Sometimes, with Machiavellian sagacity, thou unravelledst the intrigues of State, and the traitorous conspiracies of rebels; giving wise counsel to Monarchs! How didst thou move our terror and our pity with thy passionate scenes between JACK CATCH and the heroes of the Old Bailey! how didst thou describe their intrepid march up Holborn Hill! Nor didst thou shine less in thy Theological capacity, when thou gavest ghostly counsel to dying felons, and recorded the guilty pangs of Sabbath-breakers! How will the noble Arts of JOHN OVERTON'S painting and sculpture now languish! where rich invention, proper expression, correct design, divine altitudes, and artful contrast, heightened with the beauties of Clar Obscur [Chiar obscuro] imbellish thy celebrated pieces, to the delight and astonishment of the judicious multitude!

Adieu, persuasive Eloquence! The quaint Metaphor, the poignant Irony, the proper Epithet, and the lively Simile are fled to Burleigh on the Hill!

Arbuthnot, M.D.

632 MOCK CONDOLENCE WITH GRUB STREET.[Part IV. July 1712.

Instead of these, we shall have I know not what! "The Vide [WILLIAM illiterate will tell the rest with pleasure."*

FLEETWOOD]

the Bishop of ST ASAPH'S Preface [to his

I hope the Reader will excuse this digression, due, Four Sermons]. by way of condolence, to my worthy brethren of Grub street, for the approaching barbarity that is likely to overspread all its regions, by this oppressive and exorbitant tax [the Stamp duty]. It has been my good fortune to receive my education there; and so long as I preserved some figure and rank among the Learned of that Society, I scorned to take my degree either at Utrecht or Leyden, though I were offered it gratis by the Professors there.

The Sequel of the History of the Meeting at the Salutation:

HERE, I think I left JOHN BULL sitting between Nic. FROG and LEWIS BABOON, with his arms akimbo, in great concern to keep LEWIS and NIc. asunder.

As watchful as he was, NIC. found means, now and then, to steal a whisper; and, by a

cleanly conveyance under the table, to slip a

short note into LEWIS's hand: which LEWIS as slyly, put into JOHN's pocket, with a pinch or a jog to warn him what he was about.

JOHN had the curiosity to retire into a corner, to peruse

J. Arbuthnot, M.D

634 Story of English help to DUTCH. [Part IV. 24 July 1712.

these billet-doux of NIc.'s; wherein he found that Nic. had used great freedoms, both with his Interest and reputation. One contained these words:

Dear LEWIS,

Thou seest clearly that this blockhead can never bring his matters to bear! Let thee and me talk to-night by ourselves at the Rose, and I will give thee satisfaction!

Another was thus expressed:

Friend LEWIS,

Has thy sense quite forsaken thee, to make BULL such offers ? Hold fast! part with nothing! and I will give thee a better bargain, I'll warrant thee!

In some of his billets, he told LEWIS that JOHN BULL was under his guardianship! that the best part of his servants were at his command! that he could have JOHN gagged and bound, whenever he pleased, by the people of his own Family!

In all these epistles, blockhead! dunce! ass! coxcomb! were the best epithets he gave poor JOHN.

In others, he threatened that, he, Esquire SOUTH, and the rest of the Tradesmen [the Allies] would lay LEWIS down upon his back, and beat out his teeth, if he did not retire immediately, and break up the meeting!

I fancy I need not tell my reader that JOHN often changed colour as he read, and that his fingers itched to give Nic. a good slap on the chops: but he wisely moderated his choleric temper.

"I saved this fellow," quoth he, " from the gallows, when he ran away from his last master [the rise of the Dutch Republic with English help]; because I thought he was harshly treated: but the rogue was no sooner safe under my protection, than he began to lie, pilfer, and steal, like the Devil!

"When I first set him up in a warm house; he had hardly put up his Sign, when he began to debauch [entice] my best customers from me. Then it was his constant practice to rob my fish-ponds [Dutch fishing for herrings off the English coast; see Vols. II. p. 61; III. p. 621; IV. p. 323]; not only to feed his family, but to trade with the fishmongers. I connived at the fellow, till he began to tell me that 'they were his, as much as mine!'

"In my Manor of Eastcheap [East Indies], because it