REPORT

OF AN ADJUDGED CASE, NOT TO BE FOUND IN
ANY OF THE BOOKS.

I.

BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose,
The spectacles set them unhappily wrong;
The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
To which the said spectacles ought to belong.

II.

So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause
With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning;
While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
So fam'd for his talent in nicely discerning.

III.

In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear,
And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find,
That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear,
Which amounts to possession time out of mind.

IV.

Then holding the spectacles up to the courtYour lordship observes they are made with a straddle,

As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short,

Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.

V.

Again, would your lordship a moment suppose
('Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again)
That the visage or countenance had not a Nose,
Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then?

VI.

On the whole it appears, and my argument shows With a reasoning, the court will never condemn, That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose, And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.

VII.

Then shifting his side, (as a lawyer knows how)
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes:
But what were his arguments few people know,
For the court did not think they were equally wise.

VIII.

So his lordship decreed with a grave solemn tone, Decisive and clear, without one if or butThat, whenever the Nose put his spectacles on,

By daylight or candlelight-Eyes should be shut!

ON THE

BURNING OF LORD MANSFIELD'S

LIBRARY,

TOGETHER WITH HIS MSS.,

By the mob, in the month of June, 1780.

I.

So then the Vandals of our isle,
Sworn foes to sense and law,
Have burnt to dust a nobler pile,
Than ever Roman saw!

II.

And MURRAY sighs o'er Pope and Swift,
And many a treasure more,
The well-judg'd purchase, and the gift,

That grac'd his letter'd store.

III.

Their pages mangled, burnt, and torn,

The loss was his alone;

But ages yet to come shall mourn

The burning of his own.

ON THE SAME.

I.

WHEN wit and genius meet their doon

In all devouring flame,
They tell us of the fate of Rome,

And bid us fear the same.

II.

O'er MURRAY's loss the muses wept,

They felt the rude alarm,

Yet bless'd the guardian care, that kept His sacred head from harm.

III.

There Mem'ry, like the bee, that's fed

From Flora's balmy store,
The quintessence of all he read

Had treasur'd up before.
IV.

The lawless herd, with fury blind,

Have done him cruel wrong;

The flow'rs are gone-but still we find The honey on his tongue.

Y

THE LOVE OF THE WORLD
REPROVED;

OR,

HYPOCRISY DETECTED*

THUS says the prophet of the Turk,
Good mussulman, abstain from pork;
There is a part in ev'ry swine
No friend or follower of mine
May taste, whate'er his inclination,
On pain of excommunication.
Such Mahomet's mysterious charge,
And thus he left the point at large.
Had he the sinful part express'd,
They might with safety eat the rest;
But for one piece they thought it hard
From the whole hog to he debarr'd;
And set their wit at work to find

What joint the prophet had in mind.

• It may be proper to inform the reader, that this piece has already appeared in print, having found it's way, though with some unnecessary additions by an unknown hand, into the Leeds Journal, without the author's privity.