Cæsar might recover, he drew his hanger, wheeled about, and, by a lucky stroke, severed Jowler's head from his body. By this time, the young fox-hunter and three servants, armed with pitch forks and flails, were come to the assistance of the dogs, whom they found breathless upon the field; and my cousin was so provoked at the death of his favourites, that he ordered his attendants to advance, and take vengeance on their executioner, whom he loaded with all the curses and reproaches his anger could suggest. Upon which my uncle stepped forward with an undaunted air, at the sight of whose bloody weapon his antagonists fell back with precipitation, when he accosted their leader thus: "Lookee, brother, your dogs have boarded me without provocation-what I did was in my own defence. So you had best be civil, and let us shoot a-head, clear of you." Whether the young squire misinterpreted my uncle's desire of peace, or was enraged at the fate of his hounds beyond his usual pitch of resolution, I know not; but he snatched a flail from one of his followers, and came up with a show of assaulting the Lieutenant, who, putting himself in a posture of defence, proceeded thus: "Lookee, you lubberly son of a whore, if you come athwart me, 'ware your gingerbread work, I'll be foul of your quarter, damn me." This declaration, followed by a flourish of his hanger, seemed to check the progress of the young gentleman's choler, who, looking behind him, perceived his attendants had slunk into the house, shut the gate, and left him to decide the contention by himself. Here a parley ensued, which was introduced by my cousin's asking, "Who the devil are you? -What do you want?-Some scoundrel of a seaman, I suppose, who has deserted, and turned thief. But don't think you shall escape, sirrah-I'll have you hanged, you dog, I will your blood shall pay for that of my two hounds, you ragamuffin. I would not have parted with them to save your whole generation from the gallows, you ruffian, you." "None of your jaw, you swab-none of your jaw," replied my uncle, "else I shall trim your laced jacket for you-I shall rub you down with an oaken towel, my boy-I shall." So saying, he sheathed his hanger, and grasped his cudgel. Meanwhile, the people of the house being alarmed, one of my female cousins opened a window, and asked what was the matter?" The matter!" answered the Lieutenant, "no great matter, young woman. I have business with the old gentleman, and this spark, belike, won't allow me to come along-side of him, that's all." After a few miButes pause, we were admitted, and conducted to my grandfather's chamber, through a lane of my relations, who honoured me with very significant looks, as I passed along. When we came into the judge's presence, my uncle, after two or three sea-bows, expressed himself in this manner: "Your servant-your servant. What ye, cheer, father? what cheer?-I suppose you don't know me-may-hap you don't-My name is Tom Bowling-and this here boy, you look as if you did not know him neither 'tis like you mayn't. He's new rigged, i'faith ; his cloth don't shake in the wind so much as it wont to do. 'Tis my nephew, d'ye see, Roderick Random,-your own flesh and blood, old gentleman. -Don't lag a-stern, you dog," pulling me forward. My grandfather, who was laid up with the gout, received this relation, after his long absence, with that coldness of civility which was peculiar to him; told him he was glad to see him, and desired him to sit down." Thank thank ye, sir, I had as lief stand," said my uncle; "for my own part, I desire nothing of you; but if you have any conscience at all, do something for this poor boy, who has been used at a very unchristian rate. Unchristian do I call it?-I am sure the Moors in Barbary have more humanity than to leave their little ones to want. I would fain know, why my sister's son is more neglected than that there fair-weather Jack," pointing to the young squire, who, with the rest of my cousins, had followed us into the room. "Is not he as near a-kin to you as the other? Is not he much handsomer and better built than that great chucklehead ?-Come, come, consider, old gentleman, you are going in a short time to give an account of your evil actions. Remember the wrongs you did his father; and make all the satisfaction in your power, before it be too late. The least thing you can do is to settle his father's portion on him." The young ladies, who thought themselves too much concerned, to contain themselves any longer, set up their throats all together against my protector. "Scurvy companion,-saucy tarpaulin,-rude, impertinent fellow, did he think to prescribe to grand-papa? His sister's brat had been too well taken care of; grand-papa was too just not to make a difference between an unnatural rebellious son, and his dutiful loving children, who took his advice in all things," and such expressions, were vented against him with great violence; until the judge at length commanded silence. He calmly rebuked my uncle for his unmannerly behaviour, which he said he would excuse on account of his education. He told him he had been very kind to the boy, whom he had kept at school seven or eight years, although he was informed he made no progress in his learning; but was addicted to all manner of vice, which he rather believed, because he himself was witness to a barbarous piece of mischief he had committed on the jaws of his chaplain. But, however, he would see what the lad was fit for, and bind him apprentice to some honest tradesman or other, provided he would mend his manners, and behave for the future as became him. The honest tar (whose pride and indignation boiled within him) answered my grandfather, that it was true he had sent him to school, but it had cost him nothing, for he had never been at one shilling expence, to furnish him with food, raiment, books, or other necessaries; so that it was not to be much wondered at, if the boy made small progress; and yet, whoever told him so, was a lying lubberly rascal, and deserved to be keelhauled: for, though he (the Lieutenant) did not understand those matters himself, he was well informed as how Rory was the best scholar of his age in all the country; the truth of which he would maintain, by laying a wager of his whole half year's pay on the boy's head; (with these words he pulled out his purse, and challenged the company.)-"Neither is he predicted to vice, as you affirm, but rather left like a wreck, d'ye see, at the mercy of the wind and weather, by your neglect, old gentleman. As for what happened to your chaplain, I am only sorry that he did not knock out the scoundrel's brains, instead of his teeth. By the Lord, if ever I come up with him, he had better be in Greenland, that's all. Thank you for your courteous offer, of binding the lad apprentice to a tradesman. I suppose you would make a tailor of him,-would you? I had rather see him hang'd, d'ye see.-Come along, Rory, I perceive how the land lies, my boy, let's tack about,— i'faith,-while I have a shilling, thou shan't want a tester.-B'wye, old gentleman; you're bound for the other world, but, I believe, damnably ill provided for the voyage."-Thus ended our visit, and we returned to the village, my uncle muttering curses all the way against the old shark and the young fry that surrounded him. CHAP. IV. My Grandfather makes his will-our second visit -he dies-his will is read in presence of all his living descendants-the disappointment of my female cousins-my Uncle's behaviour. A FEW weeks after our visit, we were informed that the old judge, at the end of a fit of thoughtfulness, which lasted three days, had sent for a notary, and made his will; that the distemper had mounted from his legs to his stomach, and, being conscious of his approaching end, he had desired to see all his descendants without exception. In obedience to this summons, my uncle set out with me a second time, to receive the last benediction of my grandfather; often repeating by the road, "Ey, ey, we have brought up the old hulk at last. You shall see,—you shall see the effect of my admonition." When we entered his chamber, which was crowded with his relations, we advanced to the bed-side, where we found him in his last agonies, supported by two of his grand-daughters, who sat one on each side of him, sobbing most piteously, and wiping away the froth and slaver as it gathered on his lips, which they frequently kissed with a shew of great anguish and affection. My uncle approached him with these words: "What! he's not a-weigh. How fare ye,-how fare ye, old gentleman?-Lord have mercy upon your poor sinful soul." Upon which the dying man turned his languid eyes towards us, and Mr Bowling went on, " Here's poor Rory come to see you before you die, and receive your blessing. What, man! don't despair,-you have been a great sinner, 'tis true, what then? There's a righteous Judge above,-a'n't there? He minds me no more than a porpuss. Yes, yes, he's a going,-the land crabs will have him, I see that,-his anchor's a-peak, i'faith." This homely consolation scandalized the company so much, and especially the parson, who probably thought his province invaded, that we were obliged to retire into the other room, where, in a few minutes, we were convinced of my grandfather's decease, by a dismal yell uttered by the young ladies in his apartment; whither we immediately hastened, and found his heir, who had retired a little before into a closet, under pretence of giving vent to his sorrow, asking, with a countenance beslubbered with tears, if his grandpapa was certainly dead?" Dead!" says my uncle, looking at the body, ay, ay, I'll warrant him as dead as a herring. Odd's fish! now my dream is out for all the world. I thought I stood upon the fore-castle, and saw a parcel of carrion crows foul of a dead shark that floated alongside, and the devil perching on our spritsail yard, in the likeness of a blue bear,-who, d'ye see, jumped overboard upon the carcase, and carried it to the bottom in his claws.""Out upon thee, reprobate," cries the parson, "out upon thee, blasphemous wretch? Dost thou think his Honour's soul is in the possession of Satan ?" The clamour immediately arose, and my poor uncle, being shouldered from one corner of the room to the other, was obliged to lug out in his own defence, and swear he would turn out for no man, till such time as he knew who had a title to send him adrift. "None of your tricks upon travellers," said he; "mayhap old buff has left my kinsman here his heir. If he has, it will be the better for his miserable soul. Odd's bob! I'd desire no better news. I'd soon make him a clear ship, I warrant you." To avoid any further disturbance, one of my grandfather's executors, who was present, assured Mr Bowling, that his nephew should have all manner of justice; that a day should be appointed, after the funeral, for examining the papers of the deceased, in presence of all his relations; till which time every desk and cabinet in the house should remain close sealed; and that he was very welcome to be witness to this ceremony, which was immediately performed to his satisfaction. In the mean time, orders were given to provide mourning for all the relations, in which number I was included. But my uncle would not suffer me to accept of it, until I should be assured whether or not I had reason to honour his memory so far. During this interval, the conjectures of people, with regard to the old gentleman's will, were various. As it was well known he had, besides his landed estate, which was worth 7001. per annum, six or seven thousand pounds at interest, some imagined, that the whole real estate (which he had greatly improved) would go to the young man whom he always entertained as his heir; and that the money would be equally divided between my female cousins (five in number) and me. Others were of opinion, that, as the rest of his children had been already provided for, he would only bequeath two or three hundred pounds to each of his grand-daughters, and leave the bulk of the sum to me, to atone for his unnatural usage of my father. At length the important hour arrived, and the will was produced in the midst of the expectants, whose looks and gestures formed a groupe that would have been very entertaining to an unconcerned spectator. But the reader can scarce conceive the astonishment and mortification that appeared, when the attorney pronounced aloud, the young squire sole heir of all his grandfather's estate personal and real. My uncle, who had listened with great attention, sucking the head of his cudgel all the while, accompanied these words of the attorney with a stare, and whew, that alarmed the whole assembly. The eldest and pertest of my female competitors, who had been always very officious about my grandfather's person, inquired with a faultering accent, and visage as yellow as an orange, "If there were no legacies?" and was answered, “None at all." Upon which she fainted away. The rest, whose expectations, perhaps, were not so sanguine, supported their disappointment with more resolution; though not without giving evident marks of indignation, and grief at least as genuine as that which appeared in them at the old gentleman's death. My conductor, after having kicked with his heel for some time against the wainscot, began: "So there's no legacy, friend, ha!-here's an old succubus;-but somebody's soul howls for it, damn me!" The parson of the parish, who was one of the executors, and had acted as ghostly director to the old man, no sooner heard this exclamation than he cried out, "Avaunt, unchristian reviler! avaunt! wilt thou not allow the soul of his Honour to rest in peace?" But this zealous pastor did not find himself so warmly seconded, as formerly, by the young ladies, who now joined my uncle against him, and accused him of having acted the part of a busy-body with their grandpapa, whose ears he had certainly abused by false stories to their prejudice, or else he would not have neglected them in such an unnatural manner. The young squire was much diverted with this scene, and whispered to my uncle, that, if he had not murdered his dogs, he would have shewn him glorious fun, by hunting a black badger (so he termed the clergyman.) The surly Lieutenant, who was not in a humour to relish this amusement, replied, "You and your dogs may be damned-I suppose you'll find them with your old dad, in the latitude of hell.— Come, Rory-about ship, my lad,-we must steer another course, I think." And away we went. CHAP. V. The Schoolmaster uses me barbarously-I form a project of revenge, in which I am assisted by my Uncle-I leave the village-am settled at an university by his generosity. On our way back to the village, my uncle spoke not a word during the space of a whole hour, but whistled, with great vehemence, the tune of "Why should we quarrel for riches, &c." his visage being contracted all the while into a most formidable frown. At length his pace increased to such a degree, that I was left behind a considerable way. Then he waited for me; and, when I was almost up with him, called out in a surly tone," Bear a hand, damme ! must I bring-to every minute for you, you lazy dog?" Then laying hold of me by the arm, hauled me along, until his good nature (of which he had a great share) and reflection getting the better of his passion, he said, " Come, my boy, don't be cast down; the old rascal is in hell-that's some satisfaction;-you shall go to sea with me, my lad. A light heart and a thin pair of breeches goes through the world, brave boys,' as the song goes-eh!" Though this proposal did not at all suit my inclination, I was afraid of discovering my aversion to it, lest I should disoblige the only friend I had in the world; and he was so much a seaman, that he never dreamt I could have any objection to his design, consequently gave himself no trouble in consulting my approbation. But this resolution was soon dropt, by the advice of our usher, who assured Mr Bowling, it would be a thousand pities to baulk my genius, which would certainly, one day, make my fortune on shore, provided it received due cultivation. Upon which this generous tar determined, though he could ill afford it, to give me university education; and accordingly settled my board and other expences, at a town not many miles distant, famous for its colleges, whither we repaired in a short time. But, before the day of our departure, the schoolmaster, who no longer had the fear of my grandfather before his eyes, laid aside all decency and restraint, and not only abused me in the grossest language his rancour could suggest, as a wicked, profligate, dull, beggarly miscreant, whom he had taught out of charity; but also inveighed in the most bitter manner against the memory of the judge (who, by the bye, had procured that settlement for him), hinting, in pretty plain terms, that the old gentleman's soul was damned to all eternity, for his injustice in neglecting to pay for my learning. This brutal behaviour, added to the sufferings I had formerly undergone, made me think it high time to be revenged of this insolent pedagogue. Having consulted my adherents, I found them all staunch in their promises to stand by me; and our scheme was this: In the afternoon preceding the day of my departure for the university, I resolved to take the advantage of the usher's going out to make water, which he regularly did at four o'clock, and shut the great door, that he might not come to the assistance of his superior. This being done, the assault was to be begun, by my advancing to my master, and spitting in his face. I was to be seconded by two of the strongest boys in the school, who were devoted to me; their business was to join me in dragging the tyrant to a bench, over which he was to be laid, and his bare posteriors heartily flogged with his own birch, which we proposed to wrest from him in the struggle; but if we should find him too many for us all three, we were to demand the assistance of our competitors, who should be ready to reinforce us, or oppose any thing that might be undertaken for the master's relief. One of my principal assistants was called Jeremy Gawky, son and heir of a wealthy gentleman in the neighbourhood; and the name of the other Hugh Strap, the cadet of a family which had given shoemakers to the village time out of mind. I had once saved Gawkey's life, by plunging into a river, and dragging him on shore, when he was on the point of being drowned. I had often rescued him from the clutches of those whom his insufferable arrogance had provoked to a resentment he was not able to sustain; and many times saved his reputation and posteriors by performing his exercises at school; so that it is not to be wondered at if he had a particular regard for me and my interests. The attachment of Strap flowed from a voluntary disinterested inclination, which had manifested itself on many occasions in my behalf, he having once rendered me the same service that I had done Gawkey, by saving my life at the risk of his own; and often fathered offences that I had committed, for which he suffered severely, rather than I should feel the weight of the punishment I deserved. These two champions were the more willing to engage in this enterprize, because they intended to leave the school the next day as well as I, the first being ordered by his father to return into the country, and the other being bound apprentice to a barber, at a market town not far off. In the mean time, my uncle being informed of my master's behaviour to me, was enraged at his insolence, and vowed revenge so heartily, that I could not refrain from telling him the scheme I had concerted, which he heard with great satisfaction, at every sentence squirting out a mouthful of spittle, tinctured with tobacco, of which he constantly chewed a large quid. At last, pulling up his breeches, he cried, "No, no, Zounds! that won't do neither; howsomever, 'tis a bold undertaking, my lad-that I must say, i'faith!--but lookee, lookee, how dost propose to get clear off?-won't the enemy give chace, my boy?-ay, ay, that he will, I warrant, and alarm the whole coast. Ah! God help thee, more sail than ballast, Rory. Let me alone for that-leave the whole to me I'll shew him the fore-topsail, I will. If so be your ship-mates are jolly boys, and won't flinch, you shall see, you shall see; egad, I'll play him a salt-water trick-I'll bring him to the gang-way, and anoint him with a cat o'nine tails; he shall have a round dozen doubled, my lad, he shall—and be left lashed to his meditations.' We were very proud of our associate, who immediately went to work, and prepared the instrument of his revenge with great skill and expedition; after which, he ordered our baggage to be packed up and sent off, a day before our at➡ tempt, and got horses ready to be mounted, as soon as the affair should be over. At length the hour arrived, when our auxiliary, seizing the opportunity of the usher's absence, bolted in, secured the door, and immediately laid hold of the pedant by his collar, who bawled out " Murder! thieves!" with the voice of a Stentor. Though I trembled all over like an aspen-leaf, I knew there was no time to be lost, and accordingly got up, and summoned our associates to my assistance. Strap without any hesitation obeyed the signal, and seeing me leap upon the master's back, ran immediately to one of his legs, which pulling with all his force, his dreadful adversary was humbled to the ground; upon which Gawky, who had hitherto remained in his place, under the influence of an universal trepidation, hastened to the scene of action, and insulted the fallen tyrant with a loud huzza, in which the whole school joined. This noise alarmed the usher, who finding himself shut out, endeavoured, partly by threats, and partly by entreaties, to procure admission. My uncle bade him have a little patience, and he would let him in presently; but, if he pretended to move from that place, it should fare worse with the son of a b-h his superior, on whom he intended only to bestow a little wholesome chastisement, for his barbarous usage of Rory, "to which," said he, "you are no stranger." By this time we had dragged the criminal to a post, to which Bowling tied him with a rope he had provided on purpose, after having secured his hands, and stript his back. In this ludicrous posture he stood, (to the no small entertainment of the boys, who crowded about him, and shouted with great exultation at the novelty of the sight,) venting bitter imprecations against the Lieutenant, and reproaching his scholars with treachery and rebellion; when the usher was admitted, whom my uncle accosted in this manner: "Harkee, Mr Syntax, I believe you are an honest man, d'ye see-and I have a respect for you; but for all that, we must for our own security, d'ye see, belay you for a short time." With these words, he pulled out some fathoms of cord, which the honest man no sooner saw, than he protested with great earnestness, he would allow no violence to be offered to him, at the same time accusing me of perfidy and ingratitude. But Bowling, representing that it was in vain to resist, and that he did not mean to use him with violence and indecency, but only to hinder him from raising the hue and cry against us, before we should be out of their power, he allowed himself to be bound to his own desk, where he sat a spectator of the punishment inflicted on his principal. My uncle having upbraided this arbitrary wretch with his inhumanity to me, told him, that he proposed to give him a little discipline for the good of his soul, which he immediately put in practice, with great vigour and dexterity. This smart application to the pedant's withered posteriors, gave him such exquisite pain, that he roared like a mad bull, danced, cursed, and blasphemed, like a frantic bedlamite. When the Lieutenant thought himself sufficiently revenged, he took his leave of him in these words, “ Now, friend, you'll remember me the longest day you have to live I have given you a lesson that will let you know what flogging is, and teach you to have more sympathy for the future-shout, boys, shout." This ceremony was no sooner over, than my uncle proposed they should quit the school, and convoy their old comrade Rory to a public-house, about a mile from the village, where he would treat them all. His offer being joyfully embraced, he addressed himself to Mr Syntax, and begged him to accompany us; but this invitation he refused with great disdain, telling my benefactor he was not the man he took him to be. "Well, well, old surly," replied my uncle, shaking his hand, " thou art an honest fellow notwithstanding; and if ever I have the command of a ship, thou shalt be our schoolmaster, i'faith." So saying, he dismissed the boys, and, locking the door, left the two preceptors to console one another; while we moved forwards on our journey, attended by a numerous retinue, whom he treated according to his promise. We parted with many tears, and lay that night at an inn on the road, about ten miles short of the town where I was to remain, at which we arrived next day, and I found I had no cause to complain of the accommodations provided for me; in being boarded at the house of an apothecary, who had married a distant relation of my mother. In a few days after, my uncle set out for his ship, having settled the necessary funds for my maintenance and education. CHAP. VI. I make great progress in my studies-am caressed by every body-my female Cousins take notice of me-I reject their invitation-they are incensed, and conspire against me—I am left destitute by a misfortune that befuls my Uncle-Gawky's treachery—my revenge. As I was now capable of reflection, I began to consider my precarious situation; that I was utterly abandoned by those whose duty it was to protect me; and that my sole dependence was on the generosity of one man, who was not only exposed, by his profession, to continual dangers, which might one day deprive me of him for ever ; but also, no doubt, subject to those vicissitudes of disposition, which a change of fortune usually creates; or, which a better acquaintance with the world might produce; for I always ascribed his benevolence to the dictates of a heart as yet undebauched by a commerce with mankind. Alarmed at these considerations, I resolved to apply myself with great care to my studies, and enjoy the opportunity in my power: This I did with such success, that, in the space of three years, I understood Greek very well, was pretty far advanced in the mathematics, and no stranger to moral and natural philosophy; logic I made no account of; but, above all things, I valued myself on my taste in the Belles Lettres, and a talent for poetry, which had already produced some pieces that met with a very favourable reception. These qualifications, added to a good face and shape, acquired the esteem and acquaintance of the most considerable people in town, and I had the satisfaction to find myself in some degree of favour with the ladies; an intoxicating piece of good fortune to one of my amorous complexion! which I obtained, or at least preserved, by gratifying their propensity to scandal in lampooning their rivals. Two of my female cousins lived in this place with their mother, since the death of their father, who left his whole fortune equally divided between them; so that, if they were not the most beautiful, they were at least the richest toasts in town; and received daily the addresses of all the beaux and cavaliers of the country. Although I had hitherto been looked upon by them with the most supercilious contempt, my character now attracted their notice so much, that I was given to understand I might be honoured with their acquaintance, if I pleased. The reader will easily perceive, that this condescension either flowed from the hope of making my poetical capacity subservient to their malice, or at least of screening themselves from the lash of my resentment, which they had effectually provoked. I enjoyed this triumph with great satisfaction; and not only rejected their offer with disdain, but, in all |