CHAP. XIV.

We visit Strap's friend-a description of him his advice we go to Mr Cringer's house-are denied admittance-an accident befalls Strap -his behaviour thereupon-an extraordinary Adventure occurs, in the course of which I lose all my money.

In the afternoon, my companion proposed to call at his friend's house, which, we were informed, was in the neighbourhood, whither we accordingly went, and were so lucky as to find him at home. This gentleman, who had come from Scotland three or four years before, kept a school in town, where he taught the Latin, French, and Italian languages; but what he chiefly professed was the pronunciation of the English tongue, after a method more speedy and uncommon than any practised heretofore; and, indeed, if his scholars spoke like their master, the latter part of his undertaking was certainly performed to a tittle; for although I could easily understand every word of what I had heard hitherto since I entered England, three parts in four of his dialect were as unintelligible to me, as if he had spoke in Arabic or Irish. He was a middle-sized man, and stooped very much, though not above the age of forty; his face was frightfully pitted with the small-pox, and his mouth extended from ear to ear. He was dressed in a night-gown of plaid, fastened about his middle with a serjeant's old sash, and a tie periwig, with a fore-top three inches high, in the fashion of King Charles the Second's reign. After he had received Strap, who was related to him, very courteously, he inquired of him who I was; and, being informed, took me by the hand, telling me he was at school with my father. When he understood my situation, he assured me that he would do me all the service in his power, both by his advice and otherwise; and, while he spoke these words, eyed me with great attention, walking round me several times, and muttering, "O Christ! O Christ! fat a saight is here?" I soon guessed the reason of his ejaculation, and said, " I suppose, sir, you are not pleased with my dress."" Dress," answered he, " you may caal it fat you please in your country, but I vaw to Gad, 'tis a masquerade here. No christian will admit such a figure into his hawse. Upon my conscience! I wonder the dogs did not hunt you. Did you pass through St James's market? God bless my eye-saight! you look like a cousin-german of Ouran Outang." -I began to be a little serious at this discourse, and asked him, if he thought I should obtain entrance to-morrow at the house of Mr Cringer, on whom I chiefly depended for an introduction into business. "Mr Cringer? Mr Cringer," re

plied he, scratching his cheek, " may be a very honest gentleman-I know nothing to the contrary; but is your sole dependance upon him? Who recommended you to him?" I pulled out Mr Crab's letter, and told him the foundation of my hopes; at which he stared at me, and repeated," Christ!" I began to conceive bad omens from this behaviour of his, and begged he would assist me with his advice, which he promised to give me frankly; and, as a specimen, directed us to a periwig warehouse in the neighbourhood, in order to be accommodated; laying strong injunctions on me not to appear before Mr Cringer till I had parted with these carroty locks, which, he said, were sufficient to beget an antipathy against me in all mankind. And, as we were going to pursue this advice, he called me back, and bade me be sure to deliver my letter into Mr Cringer's own hand. As we walked along, Strap triumphed greatly in our reception with his friend, who, it seems, had assured him, he would, in a day or two, provide for him with some good master; And now," says he, "you shall see how I will fit you with a wig. There's ne'er a barber in London, and that's a bold word, can palm a rotten caul, or a pennyweight of dead hair upon me." And, indeed, this zealous adherent did wrangle so long with the merchant, that he was desired twenty times to leave the shop, and see if he could get one cheaper elsewhere. At length I made choice of a good handsome bob, for which I paid ten shillings, and returned to our lodging, where Strap in a moment rid me of that hair which had given the schoolmaster so much offence.

"

We got up next day betimes, having been informed that Mr Cringer gave audience by candlelight to all his dependents, he himself being obliged to attend the levee of my Lord Terrier at break of day; because his lordship made one at the Minister's between eight and nine o'clock. When we came to Mr Cringer's door, Strap, to give me an instance of his politeness, ran to the knocker, which he employed so loud and so long, that he alarmed the whole street; and a window opening in the second story of the next house, a chamber-pot was discharged upon him so successfully, that the poor barber was wet to the skin, while I, being luckily at some distance, escaped the unsavoury deluge. In the mean time, a footman opening the door, and seeing nobody in the street but us, asked, with a stern countenance, if it was I who made such a damned noise, and what I wanted? I told him I had business with his master, whom I desired to see. Upon which he clapped the door in my face, telling me, I must learn better manners before I could have access to his master. Vexed at this disappointment, I turned my resentment against Strap, whom I sharply reprimanded for his presumption; but he, not in the least regarding what I said, wrung the urine out of his periwig, and, lifting up a large stone, flung it with such

force against the street door of that house from whence he had been bedewed, that the lock giving way, it flew wide onen, and he took to his heels, leaving me to follow him as I could. Indeed there was no time for deliberation; I therefore pursued him with all the speed I could exert, until we found ourselves, about the dawn, in a street we did not know. Here, as we wandered along, gaping about, a very decent sort of a man passing by me, stopped of a sudden, and took up something, which having examined, he turned, and presented it to me, with these words: "Sir, you have dropt half a crown." I was not a little surprised at this instance of honesty, and told him it did not belong to me; but he bade me recollect, and see if all my money was safe. Upon which I pulled out my purse (for I had bought one since I came to town), and reckon ing my money in my hand, which was now reduced to five guineas seven shillings and twopence, assured him I had lost nothing. "Well then," says he," so much the better-this is God-send; and, as you two were present when I picked it up, you are entitled to equal shares with me. I was astonished at these words, and looked upon this person to be a prodigy of integrity, but absolutely refused to take any part of the sum." Come, gentlemen," said he, "you are too modest-I see you are strangers; but you shall give me leave to treat you with a whet this cold raw morning." I would have declined this invitation, but Strap whispered to me, that the gentleman would be affronted, and I complied. "Where shall we go?" said the stranger, "I am quite ignorant of this part of the town." I informed him, that we were in the same situation. Upon which he proposed to go into the first public-house we should find open; and, as we walked together, he began in this manner: "I find by your tongues you are from Scotland, gentlemen. My grandmother by the father's side was of your country, and I am so prepossessed in its favour, that I never meet & Scotchman but my heart warms. The Scots are a very brave people. There is scarce a great family in the kingdom that cannot boast of some exploits performed by its ancestors many hundred years ago. There's your Douglasses, Gordons, Campbells, Hamiltons. We have no such ancient families here in England. Then you are all very well educated. I have known a pedlar talk in Greek and Hebrew, as well as if they had been his mother tongue. And, for honesty, I once had a servant, his name was Gregory Macgregor, I would have trusted him with untold gold."-This eulogium on my native country, gained my affection so strongly, that I behieve I could have gone to death to serve the author; and Strap's eyes swam in tears. At length, as we passed through a dark narrow lane, we perceived a public house, which we entered, and found a man sitting by the fire, smoking a

VOL. II.

pipe, with a pint of purl before him. Our new acquaintance asked us, if ever we had drank egg flip? To which question we answering in the negative, he assured us of a regale, and ordered a quart to be prepared, calling for pipes and tobacco at the same time. We found this composition very palatable, and drank heartily; the conversation (which was introduced by the gentleman) turning upon the snares that young unexperienced people are exposed to in this metropolis. He described a thousand cheats that are daily practised upon the ignorant and unwary; and warned us of them with so much good nature and concern, that we blessed the opportunity which threw us in his way. After we had put the cann about for some time, our new friend began to yawn, telling us he had been up all night with a sick person; and proposed we should have recourse to some diversion to keep him awake. "Suppose," said he, "we should take a hand at whist for pastime. But let me see, that won't do, there's only three of us; and I cannot play at any other game. The truth is, I seldom or never play, but out of complaisance, or at such a time as this, when I am in danger of falling asleep." Although I was not much inclined to gaming, I felt no aversion to pass an hour or two at cards with a friend; and, knowing that Strap understood as much of the matter as I, made no scruple of saying, "I wish we could find a fourth hand." While we were in this perplexity, the person whom we found in the house at our entrance overhearing our discourse, took the pipe from his mouth very gravely, and accostell us thus: "Gentlemen, my pipe is out you see," shaking the ashes into the fire," and rather than you should be baulked, I don't care if I take a hand with you for a trifle; but remember I won't play for any thing of consequence." We accepted his proffer with pleasure; having cut for partners, it fell to my lot to play with him against our friend and Strap, for three-pence a game. We were so successful, that, in a short time, I was half a crown gainer; when the gentleman whom we had met in the street observing he had no luck to-day, proposed to leave off, or change partners. By this time I was inflamed with my good fortune and the expectation of improving it, as I perceived the two strangers played but indifferently; therefore, I voted for giving him his revenge, and, cutting again, Strap and I (to our mutual satisfaction) happened to be partners. My good fortune attended me still, and in less than an hour we had got thirty shillings of their money; for, as they lost, they grew the keener, and doubled stakes every time. At last the inconstant goddess began to veer about, and we were very soon stripped of all our gains, and about forty shillings of our own money. This loss mortified me extremely, and had a visible effect on the muscles of Strap's face, which

C

lengthened apace; but our antagonists perceiving our condition, kindly permitted us to retrieve our loss, and console ourselves with a new acquisition. Then my companion wisely suggested it was time to be gone; upon which the person who had joined us in the house began to curse the cards, and muttered that we were in debted to fortune only for what we had got, no part of our success being owing to our good play. This insinuation nettled me so much, that I challenged him to a game of piquet for a crown; and he was with difficulty persuaded to accept the invitation. This contest ended in less than an hour, to my inexpressible affliction, who lost every shilling of my own money, Strap absolutely refusing to supply me with a sixpence. The gentleman, at whose request we had come in, perceiving by my disconsolate looks the situation of my heart, which well nigh bursted with grief and resentment, when the other stranger got up, and went away with my money, began in this manner: "I am truly afflicted at your bad luck, and would willingly repair it, was it in my power. But what in the name of goodness could provoke you to tempt your fate so long? It is always a maxim with gamesters to pursue success as far as it will go, and to stop whenever fortune shifts about. You are a young man, and your passions too impetuous; you must learn to govern them better. However, there is no experience like that which is bought; you will be the better for this the longest day you have to live. As for the fellow who has got your money, I don't half like him. Did not you observe me tip you the wink to leave off in time?"-I answered, No.-"No," continued he, you was too eager to mind any thing but the game. But, harkee," said he, in a whisper, "are you satisfied of that young man's honesty? his looks are a little suspicious; but I may be mistaken; he made a great many grimaces while he stood behind you; this is a very wicked town." I told him I was very well convinced of my comrade's integrity, and that the grimaces he mentioned were doubtless owing to his anxiety at my loss. "O ho! if that be the case, I ask his pardon.-Landlord, see what's to pay?" The reckoning amounted to eighteen pence, which having discharged, the gentleman shook us both by the hand, and, saying he should be very glad to see us again, departed.

CHAP. XV.

Strap moralizes-presents his purse to me-we inform our landlord of my misfortune;-he unravels the mystery-1 present myself to Cringer he recommends and turns me over to Mr Staytape-I become acquainted with a fellow dependant, who explains the characters of Cringer and Staytape-and informs me of the

method to be pursued at the Navy-office and Surgeons Hall-Strap is employed.

IN our way to our lodging, after a profound silence on both sides, Strap, with a hideous groan, observed, that we had brought our pigs to a fine market. To this observation I made no reply, and he went on: "God send us well out of this place; we have not been in London eight and forty hours, and I believe we have met with eight and forty thousand misfortunes-We have been jeered, reproached, buffeted, pissed upon, and at last stripped of our money; and, I suppose, by and by, we shall be stripped of our skins. Indeed, as to the money part of it, that was owing to our own folly; Solomon says, Bray a fool in a mortar, and he will never be wise.' Ah! God help us, an ounce of prudence is worth a pound of gold." This was no time for him to tamper with my disposition, already mad with my loss, and inflamed with resentment against him for having refused me a little money to attempt to retrieve it. I therefore turned towards him with a stern countenance, and asked, "Who he called fool?" Being altogether unaccustomed to such looks from me, he stood still and stared in my face for some time; then, with some confusion, uttered, "Fool! I called nobody fool but myself; I am sure I am the greatest fool of the two, for being so much concerned at other people's misfortunes: but nemo omnibus horis sapit-that's all-that's all." Upon which a silence ensued that brought us to our lodging, where I threw myself upon the bed in an agony of despair, resolved to perish rather than apply to my companion or any other body for relief; but Strap, who knew my temper, and whose heart bled within him at my distress, after some pause came to the bedside, and, putting a leathern purse into my hand, burst into tears, crying, "I know what you think; but I scorn your thoughts. There's all I have in the world; take it, and I'll perhaps get more for you before that be done. If not, I'll beg for you, steal for you, go through the wide world with you, and starve with you; for though I be a poor cobler's son, I am no scout."

I was so touched with the generous passion of this poor creature, that I could not refrain from weeping also, and we mingled our tears together for some time. Upon examining the purse, I found in it two half guineas and half a crown, which I would have returned to him, saying, he knew better than I how to manage it; but he absolutely refused my proposal, and told me, it was more reasonable and decent that he should depend upon me who was a gentleman, than that I should be controuled by him.

After this friendly contest was over, and our minds more at ease, we informed our landlord of what had happened to us, taking care to conceal the extremity to which we were reduced.

He no sooner heard the story, than he assured us we had been grievously imposed upon by a couple of sharpers, who were associates; and that this polite, honest, friendly, humane person, who had treated us so civilly, was no other than a rascally money-dropper, who made it his business to decoy strangers in that manner to one of his own haunts, where an accomplice or two were always waiting to assist in pillaging the prey he had run down. Here the good man recounted a great many stories of people who had been seduced, cheated, pilfered, beat, nay, even murdered, by such villains. I was confounded at the artifice and wickedness of mankind, and Strap, lifting up his eyes and hands to heaven, prayed that God would deliver him from such scenes of iniquity; for surely the devil had set up his throne in London. Our landerd being curious to know what reception we had met with at Mr Cringer's, we acquainted him with the particulars; at which he shook his head, and told us, we had not gone the right way to work; that there was nothing to be done with a member of parliament without a bribe; that the servant was commonly infected with the master's disease, and expected to be paid for his work, as well as his betters. He therefore advised me to give the footman a shilling the Dext time I should desire admittance to my patron, or else I should scarce find an opportunity to deliver my letter. Accordingly, next morning, when the door was opened, I slipt a shilling into his hand, and told him I had a letter for his master. I found the good effects of my liberality; for the fellow let me in immediately, and taking the letter out of my hand, desired The to wait in a kind of passage for an answer. In this place I continued standing for three quarters of an hour, during which time I saw a great many young feilows, whom I formerly knew in Scotland, pass and repass, with an air of familiarity, in their way to and from the audience chamber; while I was fain to stand shivering in the cold, and turn my back to them, that they might not perceive the lowness of my condition. At length Mr Cringer came out to see a young gentleman to the door, who was no other than Squire Gawky, dressed in a very gay suit of clothes. At parting, Mr Cringer shook him by the hand, and told him he hoped to have the pleasure of his company at dinner. Then turning about towards me, asked what were my commands? When he understood I was the person who had brought the letter from Mr Crab, he affected to recollect my name, which however he pretended he could not do, till he had consulted the letter again; to save him that trouble, I told him my naine was Random. Upon which he went on, Ay, ay, Random, Random, Random-I think I remember the name;" and very well he might, for this very individual Mr Cringer had many a time rode before my grandtather's cloak-bag, in quality of a footman.

"Well,” says he,

you propose to go on board a man of war, as surgeon's mate." I replied by a low bow. "I believe it will be a difficult matter," continued he, "to procure a warrant, there being already such a swarm of Scotch surgeons at the Navy-office, in expectation of the next vacancy, that the commissioners are afraid of being torn to pieces, and have actually applied for a guard to protect them. However, some ships will soon be put in commission, and then we shall see what's to be done." So saying, he left me, exceedingly mortified at the different reception Mr Gawky and I had met with from this upstart, proud, mean member, who, I imagined, would have been glad of an opportunity to be grateful for the obligations he owed to my family.

At my return, I was surprised with the agreeable news of Strap's being employed, on the recommendation of his friend the schoolmaster, by a periwig-maker in the neighbourhood, who allowed him five shillings per week, besides bed and board. I continued to dance attendance every other morning at the levee of Mr Cringer, during a fortnight, in which time I became acquainted with a young fellow of my own country and profession, who also depended on the member's interest; but was treated with much more respect than I, both by the servants and master, and often admitted into a parlour, where there was a fire, for the convenience of the better sort of those who waited for him. Thither I was never permitted to penetrate on account of my appearance, which was not at all fashionable, but was obliged to stand blowing my fingers in a cold lobby, and take the first opportunity of Mr Cringer's going to the door to speak with him. One day, while I enjoyed this occasion, a person was introduced, whom Mr Cringer no sooner saw, than, running towards him, he saluted him with a bow to the very ground, and afterwards shaking him by the hand with great heartiness and familiarity, called him his good friend, and asked very kindly after Mrs Staytape, and the young ladies; then, after a whisper which continued some minutes, wherein I overheard the word honour repeated several times with great emphasis, Mr Cringer introduced me to this gentleman, as to a person whose advice and assistance I might depend upon; and having given me his direction, followed me to the door, where he told me, I need not give myself the trouble to call at his house any more, for Mr Staytape would do my business. At that instant my fellow-dependent coming out after me, overheard the discourse of Mr Cringer, and making up to me in the street, accosted me very civilly. This address I looked upon as no small honour, considering the figure he made; for he was dressed in a blue frock with a gold button, a green silk waistcoat trimmed with gold, black velvet breeches, white silk stockings, silver buckles, a gold-laced hat, a

Spencer wig, and a silver-hilted hanger, with a fine clouded cane in his hand. "I perceive," says he, " you are but lately come from Scotland; pray what may your business with Mr Cringer be? I suppose it is no secret-and I may possibly give you some advice that may be serviceable; for I have been surgeon's second mate on board of a seventy-gun ship, and consequently know a good deal of the world." I made no scruple to disclose my situation, which when he had learned, he shook his head, and told me he had been pretty much in the same circumstances about a year ago; that he had relied on Cringer's promises, until his money (which was considerable), as well as his credit, was quite exhausted; and when he wrote to his relations for a fresh supply, instead of money, he received nothing but reproaches, and the epithets of idle debauched fellow: That, after he had waited at the Navy-office many months for a warrant to no purpose, he was fain to pawn some of his clothes, which raised a small sum, wherewith he bribed the secretary, who soon procured a warrant for him, notwithstanding he had affirmed the same day, that there was not one vacancy: That he had gone on board, where he remained nine months; at the end of which the ship was put out of commission; and he said the company were to be paid off in Broad-street the very next day: That his relations being reconciled to him, had charged him to pay his devoirs regularly to Mr Cringer, who had informed them by letter, that his interest alone had procured the warrant; in obedience to which command, he came to his levee every morning as I saw, though he looked upon him to be a very pitiful scoundrel. In conclusion, he asked me if I had yet passed at Surgeons Hall? To which question I answered, I did not so much as know it was necessary. "Necessary!" cried he, “O Lord, O Lord! I find I must instruct you-come along with me, and I'll give you some information about that matter." So saying, he carried me into an alehouse, where he called for some beer and bread and cheese, on which we breakfasted. While we sat in this place, he told me I must first go to the Navy-office, and write to the board, desiring them to order a letter for me to the Surgeons Hall, that I may be examined touching my skill in surgery: That the surgeons, after having examined me, would give me my qualification sealed up in form of a letter directed to the commissioners, which qualification I must deliver to the secretary of the board, who would open it in my presence, and read the contents. After which I must employ my interest to be provided for as soon as possible. That the expence of this qualification, for second mate of a third rate, amounted to thirteen shillings, exclusive of the warrant, which cost him half-aguinea and half-a-crown, besides the present to the secretary, which consisted of a three-poundtwelve piece. This calculation was like a thun

derbolt to me, whose whole fortune did not amount to twelve shillings. I accordingly made him acquainted with this part of my distress, after having thanked him for his information and advice. He condoled me on this occasion; but bade me be of good cheer, for he had conceived a friendship for me, and would make all things easy. He was run out at present, but to-morrow or next day he was certain of receiving a considerable sum, of which he would lend me what would be sufficient to answer my exigencies. This frank declaration pleased me so much, that I pulled out my purse, and emptied it before him, begging him to take what he pleased for pocket expence, until he should receive his own money. With a good deal of pressing he was prevailed upon to take five shillings, telling me that he might have what money he wanted at any time for the trouble of going into the city; but as he had met with me, he would defer his going thither till tomorrow, when I should go along with him, and he would put me in a way of acting for myself, without a servile dependence on that rascal Cringer, much less on the lousy tailor to whom I heard him turn you over. "How," cried I, "is Mr Staytape a tailor ?"—" Not less, I'll assure you," answered he; "and, I confess, more likely to serve you than the member; for, provided you can entertain him with politics and conundrums, you may have credit with him for as many and as rich clothes as you please.” I told him, I was utterly ignorant of both, and so incensed at Cringer's usage, that I would never set foot within his door again. After a good deal more conversation, my new acquaintance and I parted, having made an appointment to meet next day at the same place, in order to set out for the city. I went immediately to Strap, and related every thing which had happened; but he did not at all approve of my being so forward to lend money to a stranger, especially as we had already been so much imposed upon by appearances. "However," said he, “if you are sure he is a Scotchman, I believe you are safe."

CHAP. XVI.

My new acquaintance breaks an appointment-I proceed by myself to the Navy-office-address myself to a person there, who assists me with his advice-write to the Board-they grant me a letter to the Surgeons at the Hall-am informed of the beau's name and character-find him-he makes me his confident in an amourdesires me to pawn my linen for his occasions -I recover what I lent him-some curious observations of Strap on that occasion—his vanity.

In the morning I rose and went to the place of rendezvous, where I waited two hours in