Nay more; don't suppose This account of her merits must come to a close; No; examine her conduct more closely, you'll find Sat her kinsman M'Bride, Her cousin, fourteen times removed —as you'll see Where, among the collateral branches, appears, While she was a knitting, 66 66 Or hemming, or stitching, or darning and fitting, Some very "wise saw" from some very good book, Some such pious divine as St. Thomas Aquinas; Or, Equally charming Or else he unravels The "voyages and travels" Of Hackluytz-how sadly these Dutch names do sully verse Not to name others 'mongst whom are few so It was always the same, The Captain was reading aloud to the dame, Till, from having gone through half the books on the shelf, I really can't say The particular month- but I think 'twas in May,'Twas, I know, in the Spring time, when "Nature looks gay," As the poet observes, and on treetop and spray When the grass is so green, and the sun is so bright, For no soul could conceive what had gone with the Knight! An egg A light breakfast bacon, with a little broiled haddock -at most A round and a half of some hot butter'd toast, And then-let me see! He had two-perhaps three Cups (with sugar and cream) of strong Gunpowder tea, Mix "black" with our "Hyson," Neither having the nerves of a bull or a bison, He had called for his hat, With the brim that I've said was so broad and so flat, And the grass, when unearthing his worms and his grubs He set out, poor dear Soul!—but he never came back! Out its euphonious clang At five-folks kept early hours then and the "Last" While Betsey, and Sally, And Thompson, the Valet, And every one else was beginning to bless himself, As who should say, "Truth must not always be told!" Lambs'-wool stockings, and shoes, Of each a fresh pair, He put down to air, And hung a clean shirt to the fire on a chair Still the Master was absent the Cook came and said "he Much fear'd, as the dinner had been so long ready, Would be all of it spoil'd, And the puddings, her Ladyship thought such a treat, ""T would be folly to wait," Said the Lady, "Dish up!· -Let the meal be served straight; And let two or three slices be put in a plate, And kept hot for Sir Thomas, He's lost, sure as fate! Wearily, wearily, all that night, That live-long night, did the hours go by; In grief and in pain, She sat herself down to cry! And Captain M'Bride Who sat by her side, Though I really can't say that he actually cried, As much as can well be expected, perhaps, What he 'd got in his head, 'T would have been Poor old Buffer! he 's certainly dead!" And all the mansion were still perplex'd; No watch dog "bay'd a welcome home," as His approach to tell, 1 Not so much as a runaway ring at the bell The one loved name- - shall yet be there; These were hinted to me as The very ideas Where?" Which passed through the mind of the fair Lady Jane, Of course at her side, Who could not look quite so forlorn, though he tried. That if" poor dear Sir Thomas" should really be dead, A lady who was young and fair, A lady slim and tall, To set himself down in comfort there Half over Kent, And nobody knows how much money 's been spent, *The familiar abbreviation for Tappington Everard still in use among the tenantry. Vide Prefatory Introduction to the Ingoldsby Legends. The groom, who's been over To Folkstone ard Dover, Can't get any tidings at all of the rover! Here's a fortnight and more has gone by, and we've tried Stolen or strayed, A GENTLEMAN; middle-aged, sober, and staid; And a hat rather lower-crown'd, and broad in the brim, Shall bear Or send him, with care, (Right side uppermost) home; -or shall give notice where Any fact that may tend to throw light on his fate, Had he been above ground He MUST have been found. No-doubtless he 's shot or he's hang'd-or he's drown'd! Then his Widow-aye! aye! But, what will folks say? To address her at once-at so early a day? Well-what then?-who cares? let 'em say what they may As Captain M'Bride did, And once fully made up his mind on the matter, he He began on the instant, and vow'd that "her eyes Far exceeded in brilliance the stars in the skies, That her lips were like roses her cheeks were like lilies Round her jimp, taper waist Ere she fix'd to repulse, or return his embrace, Which always betokens dismay or disaster, Crying out 'T was the Gardener-"Oh, ma'm! we 've found master!!" "Where? where ?" scream'd the lady; and Echo scream'd "Where?" The man couldn't say "There!" He had no breath to spare, But, gasping for air, he could only respond By pointing-he pointed, alas! -TO THE POND! Twas e'en so! poor dear Knight! - with his "specs" and his hat He'd gone poking his nose into this and that; When, close to the side Of the bank, he espied An "uncommon fine" tadpole, remarkably fat; He stooped; and he thought her Got hold of her tail, and to land almost brought her, When he plump'd head and heels into fifteen feet water! The Lady Jane was tall and slim, The Lady Jane was fair Alas, for Sir Thomas! she grieved for him, As she saw two serving-men, sturdy of limb, His body between them bear. She sobbed, and she sighed; she lamented, and cried, She swooned, and I think she'd have fallen down and died Had not been by her side, With the Gardener; they both their assistance supplied, But, when she "comes to,” It looked so odd-he Was half eaten up by the eels! His waistcoat and hose, and the rest of his clothes, And out of each shoe An eel they drew, And from each of his pockets they pulled out two! For, when he came running to give the alarm, Good Father John * And masses were sung and masses were said, All day, for the quiet repose of the dead, And all night -no one thought of going to bed. But Lady Jane was tall and slim, And Lady Jane was fair, - Had made up her mind-or, what's much the same, To Thompson, the valet, while taking away, So good ne'er tasted before! For some account of Father John Ingoldsby, to whose papers I am so much beholden, see Ingoldsby's Legends, first series, p. 216, (2d Edit.) This was the last ecclesiastical act of his long and valuable life. |