SIR, I AM greatly offended at the inconsistent behaviour of a lady of my acquaintance. You see her in a morning at St. James's church, and in the evening at the play-house in Drury-lane. One would think that either religion should drive plays out of her head, or plays religion. Pray, Mr. Fitz-Adam, tell her how absurd SIR, I TROUBLE you with this letter to make my complaints of a very great evil, and to desire your animadversions upon it. I returned yesterday from a month's visit to a family in the country, where in every particular but one, we passed our time as became reasonable beings. When the weather was good we walked abroad; when bad, we amused ourselves within doors either with entertaining conversation, or instructive books. But it was the custom of the family (though in all other respects very worthy people) constantly to play at cards for a whole hour before supper. Surely, Mr. Fitz-Adam, this method of killing time SIR, I AM shocked at the indecency of the modern head-dress. Do the ladies intend to lay aside all modesty, and go naked? This is the manner in which undistinguishing zeal treats things that are in themselves indifferent: for is it not matter of absolute indifference whether a lady wears on her head a becoming ornament of clean lace, or her own hair? Or if there be any preference, would it not be shewn both from nature and experience to be on the side of the hair? Num tu, quæ tenuit dives Achæmenes, Horace, we see, prefers a beautiful head of hair to the riches of a king. But I cannot help giving it as my opinion, that Licinia's hair flowed in natural ringlets, without being tortured by irons, or confined by innumerable pins. Yet though I have seen with patience the cap diminishing to the size of a patch, I have not with the same unconcern observed the patch enlarging itself to the size of a cap. It is with great sorrow that I already see it in possession of that beautiful mass of blood which borders upon the eye. Should it encrease on the side of that exquisite feature, what an eclipse have we to dread! But surely it is to be hoped the ladies will not give up that place to a plaster, which the brightest jewel in the universe would want lustre to supply. I find that I am almost insensibly got upon the only subject which is likely to move my indignation, and carry me beyond the bounds of that moderation which I have boasted of above. I shall therefore conclude this paper with offering terms of composition to those of my fair readers, who are willing to treat with me. The first is, that all those young ladies, who find it difficult to wean themselves from patches all at once, shall be allowed to wear them in what number, size and figure as they please, on such parts of the body as are, or should be, most covered from sight. The second (and I shall offer no more) is, that any lady, who happens to prefer the simplicity of such ornaments to the glare of her jewels, shall, upon disposing of the said jewels for the benefit of the Foundling, or any other hospital, be permitted to wear (by way of publishing her good deeds to the world) as many patches on her face as she has contributed hundreds of pounds to so laudable a benefaction. By pursuing this method, the public will be benefited, and patches, though no ornament, will be an honour to the sex. No. LXXII. THURSDAY, MAY 16. Ne cures ea quæ stultè miraris & optas. HOR. IT is an observation of the duke de Rochefoucault," That there are many people in the world who would never have been in love if they had never heard talk of it." As strange as this assertion may appear, there is nothing more certain, than that mankind pursue with much greater ardour, what they are talked into an admiration of, than what they are prompted to by natural passions: nay, so great is the infatuation, that we frequently see them relinquishing real gratifications, for the sake of following ideal notions, or the accidental mode of thinking of the present times. The story of the princess Parizade, in the Arabian Tales, is a proper illustration of what I have here advanced. I shall give my readers a short abstract of this story, as it may furnish matter for reflection, and a very useful moral, to such of them as regulate their whole conduct, and even their desires by fashion. This princess, the happiest as well as most beautiful of her sex, lived with her two beloved brothers in a splendid palace, situated in the midst of a delightful park, and the most exquisite gardens in the east. It happened one day, while the princes were hunting, that an old woman came to the gate, and desired admittance to the oratory, that she might say her prayers. The princess no sooner knew of her request than she granted it, giving orders to her attendants, that after the good woman's prayers were ended, they should shew her all the apartments of the palace, and then bring her into the hall where she herself was sitting. Every thing was performed as directed; and the princess, having regaled her guest with some fruits and sweet-meats, among many other questions, asked her what she thought of the palace. "Madam," answered the old woman, "your palace is beautiful, regular, and magnificently furnished; its situation is delightful, and its gardens are beyond compare. But yet, if you will give me leave to speak freely, there are three things wanting to make it perfect." "My good mother," interrupted the princess Parizade, "what are those three things? I conjure you in God's name to tell me what they are; and if there be a possibility of obtaining them, neither difficulties nor dangers shall stop me in the attempt." "Madam," replied the old woman," the first of these three things is the Talking Bird, the second is the Singing Tree, and the third is the Yellow or Golden Water." "Ah, my good mother," cried the princess, "how much am I obliged to you for the knowledge of these things! They are no doubt the greatest curiosities in the world, and unless you can tell me where they are to be found, I am the most unhappy of women." The old woman satisfied the princess in that material point, and then took her leave. The story goes on to inform us, that when the two princes returned from hunting, they found the princess Parizade so wrapt up in thought, that they imagined some great misfortune had befallen her, which when they had conjured her to acquaint them with, she only lifted up her eyes to look upon them, and then fixed them again upon the ground, telling them that nothing disturbed her. The entreaties of the two princes, however, at last prevailed, and the princess addressed them in the following manner. "You have often told me, my dear brothers, and I have always believed, that this house, which our father built, was complete in every thing; but I have learned this day that it wants three things: these are the Talking Bird, the Singing Tree, and the Yellow Water. An old woman has made this discovery to me, and told me the place where they are to be found, and the way thither. Perhaps you may look upon these rarities as trifles; but think what you please, I am fully persuaded that they are absolutely necessary; and whether you value them or not, I cannot be easy without them. The sequel tells us, that after the princess Parizade had expressed herself with this proper spirit upon the occasion, the brothers, in pity to her wants, went in pursuit of these necessaries, and that failing in the enterprize, they were one after another turned into stone. The application of this tale is so universal, that the enumerating particulars is almost an unnecessary labour. The whole fashionable world are so many Parizades; and things not only useless in their natures, but also ugly in themselves, from having been once termed charming by some fashionable leaders of modern taste, and now become so necessary that nobody can do without them. |