THE ACHIEVEMENTS OF and as all the in been at an end, and you might have spared all fellow, perceived ass are naturally disposed to this grunting and groaning." say upon the subject." The young man thanked the governor for his intended civility in seeing them home; and accordingly they took the road to their father's house, which was not far off. When they arrived at the gate, the brother threw a pebble at a casement, and immediately a maid servant, who sat up for them, came down and opened the door, at which they entered, leaving all the company in admiration at their beauty and genteel deportment, as well as at their scheme of seeing the world by night, without going out of the town: but this they ascribed to their ten der years. The sewer's heart was transpierced by the charms of the sister, whom he resolved to demand in marriage of her father the very next day, concluding he should not meet with a denial, because he was a domestic of the duke's. Even Sancho was seized with a whim and inclination to make a match between the youth and his daughter Sanchica, and he actually resolved to effectuate it in due season; taking it for granted no man would refuse his hand to a governor's daughter. Thus ended the round for that night, and in two days he saw the end of his government, which overthrew and destroyed all his designs, as will be seen in the sequel. CHAP. XVIII. Which declares who were the enchanters and executioners that scourged the duenna, and pinched and scratched Don Quixote; together with the expedition of the page, who carried the letter to Teresa Panza, Sancho's spouse. CID Hamet, the most punctual investigator of the most minute atoms belonging to this genuine history, says, that when Donna Rodriguez quitted her apartment to visit Don Quixote in his chamber, another duenna, who was her bed inquire, to pry, and to smell into the affairs of dividuals of that honest Rodriguez knew nothing at all of the matter: and when she saw her enter Don their neighbours, she followed her so softly, that Quixote's apartment, that she might conform to the general custom of all duennas, who are much addicted to tale-bearing, she, that instant, went and informed my lady duchess that Donna Rodriguez was in the knight's bed-chamber; the duchess communicated this intelligence to the duke, and asked leave to go along with Altisidora, and see what the duenna wanted with Don Quixote: the duke granted his permission, step by step, went up so close to the chamberdoor, as to overhear every thing that was said; and the two, with great caution, treading softly, and the duchess hearing how Rodriguez divulged the secret of those healing streams that flowed from her body, could not bear the duenna's presumption, which was equally resented by Altisidora. Exasperated, therefore, and bent upon vengeance, they burst into the apartment, where they pinched the knight, and flogged the duenna, as hath been already recited; for affronts levelled directly against the beauty and pride of the fair sex wakens the indignation of spires her with the desire of revenge. the offended party to a great degree, and in duke, who was extremely diverted with the The history relates, then, that the page, who Literally, the Aranjuez of the fountains. Fuentes signifies either fountains or issues; and Aranjuez is the name of a delightful palace, about seven leagues from Madrid, famous for gardens and fountains. page), conduct me to your mother; for I bring her a letter and a present from that same father of your's."-" That I will do with all my heart, kind sir," answered the girl, who seemed to be fourteen years of age, over or under; and, leaving the clothes upon which she was at work to one of her companions, without putting on her cap or her shoes, for she was barefoot, and her hair hung about her eyes, she ran before the page's horse, saying, Come along, good sir, our house is at this end of the village, and there you will find my poor mother in a sorrowful taking, because she has not for many days heard any news of my honoured father.""But now (said the page), I bring her such good news, that she will have reason to bless God for this happy day." In a word, what with dancing, running, and skipping, the wench arrived at the village; but before she entered the house, she called aloud at the door, "Come out, mother Teresa, come out, pray come out; here's a gentleman who brings letters and other good things from my good father." Tereza Panza, hearing this exclamation, came forth spinning tow from a distaff, with a grey petticoat, so short, that it seemed to have been cut close to the placket; a jacket of the same stuff, and an open-breasted shift: she was not very old, though seemingly turned of forty; but strong, hale, nervous, and tough. Seeing her daughter, with the page on horseback, "What is the matter, child? (said she): what gentleman is that?"-" The very humble servant of my lady Donna Tereza Panza," replied the page, who, throwing himself from his horse, ran with great eagerness and humility to kneel before Madam Teresa, saying, "Grant me permission to kiss your ladyship's hand, Madam Donna Teresa, as the legitimate and particular consort of my lord Don Sancho Panza, sole governor of the island Barataria."-"Nay, good sir, forbear; do not so (answered Teresa); I am none of your court dames; but a poor countrywoman, a ploughman's daughter, and wife to a 'squire-errant, but no governor."-"Your ladyship (replied the page) is the most worthy consort of the most superlatively worthy governor; and this letter and present is an incontestible proof of the truth of what I say." So saying, he instantly pulled from his pocket the string of coral set in gold, and tied it round her neck: then producing a letter," This (said he) is from my lord governor, and this other, with the necklace, from my lady duchess, who sent me hither." Teresa was confounded, and her daughter, no less astonished, exclaimed, "I'll be hanged if our master Don Quixote be not at the bottom of all this, and surely must have given my father that same government or countship which he promised him so often!"-" You are certainly in the right (answered the page); for it is entirely on Signor Don Quixote's account that Signor Sancho is now governor of the island Barataria, as will appear in this letter."-" Pray, good gentleman, read it (said Teresa): for though I can spin, I cannot read so much as a crumb." "Nor I either (answered Sanchica); but stay a moment, I'll go and fetch one that shall read it, either the curate himself, or the bachelor Sampson Carrasco, who will come with pleasure to hear news of my father."-" There is no occasion to fetch any person whatever (said the page); for though I cannot spin, I can read, and read it I shall." He accordingly read Sancho's letter from beginning to end; but, as it hath been already recited, we shall not repeat it in this place. Then he rehearsed the other, which came from the duchess, in these words: "FRIEND TERESA, "THE great talents and excellent disposition of your husband Sancho, induced and obliged me to beg of the duke, my husband, that he would confer upon him the government of one, among the many islands that are in his possession; and I understand he governs like any jerfaulcon, a circumstance that affords great pleasure to me, and of consequence to my lord duke; and I thank Heaven heartily, that I have not been de ceived in choosing him for that same government; for Madam Teresa must know, it is a very hard matter to find a good governor in this world, and God make me as good a woman as Sancho is a governor. I have sent you, my dear friend, a coral necklace set in gold; and I wish, for your sake, it had been of oriental pearls: but he that gives, though it were but an egg, would be sorry to see thee lame of a leg. The time will come when we shall be better acquainted, and carry on a closer correspondence, and Heaven knows what may come to pass. Commend me to your daughter Sanchica, and tell her from me to keep herself in readiness, for I mean to match her very high, when perhaps she thinks least of the matter. I am told your town is famous for fine large acorns; pray send me two dozen, which I shall greatly esteem, as coming from your hand. Write me a long letter, giving an account of your health and welfare; and if you should want any thing, you have nothing to do but open your mouth, and it shall be measured. That God would protect you is the prayer of Your loving friend, THE DUCHESS." "La! now (cried Teresa, when she heard the contents of the letter), what a kind, and plain, and humble lady! would I might live, and die, and be buried among such ladies, and not your gentlewomen of this town, who think, forsooth, because they are gentlefolks, the wind must not touch them, and go to church in such finery, as if they were perfect queens: nay, they seem to think it a disgrace to look at a poor body; and see here now, how this worthy lady, even though no less than a duchess, calls me friend, and treats me as if I were her own equal; and equal may she be to the highest steeple in all La Mancha As to what concerns the acorns, kind sir, I'll send her a whole peck, so fair and large, that people shall come far and near to see and admire them. For the present, Sanchica, we must look to the entertainment of this gentle man: let his horse be taken care of; fetch some eggs from the stable, and cut some rashers of bacon, and let us treat him like a prince; for the good news he has brought, and his own good countenance, deserves every thing at our hands. In the meantime, I'll go out and give an account of our good fortune to my neighbours, especially our father the curate, and Master Nicholas the barber, who are, and always were, such friends to your father."-"I will do as you desire, mother (answered Sanchica); but remember, you shall give me one half of the string of coral; for I don't take my lady duchess to be such a ninny as to send the whole for your use.". "It is all thy own, daughter (replied Teresa); but thou must let me wear it a few days about my neck; for, in faith and troth, it will rejoice my poor heart." "It will be still more rejoiced (said the page), when you see the bundle in that portmanteau, consisting of a suit of superfine cloth, which was never wore but one day at the hunting, by the governor, who sends it for the sole use of Miss Sanchica."-" May he live a thousand years! (cried Sanchica), as well as he that brings it, neither more nor less; and even two thousand, if there should be occasion." Now Teresa going out with the letters, and the string about her neck, went along playing with her fingers upon the paper as if it had been a cymbal; and casually meeting the curate and Sampson Carrasco, she began to caper about, saying, " In good faith, we have no poor kindred now: we have caught the governorship: ay, ay, pick me up the best gentlewoman of them all, ifack! I'll look upon her as an upstart."- - What is the matter, Teresa Panza? (said the curate), what is the meaning of this rhapsody? and what papers are these?"贏" No rhapsody at all (replied Teresa), but only these letters are from duchesses and governors, and these here upon my neck are true corals: the ave-marias and paternosters are of beaten gold, and I am a governess."-"God shield us, Teresa (cried the curate), as we do not · understand a word of what you say!"-" Seeing is believing," answered the good woman, putting the letters into his hand, which he having read in the hearing of Sampson Carrasco, they looked at one another with astonishment. When the bachelor asked who brought these letters, Teresa desired they would go along with her to her house, and they would see the mes senger, who was a comely youth, like a perfect golden pine-tree, and had brought another present worth twice as much. The curate taking the string of coral from her neck, viewed and reviewed it with great deliberation; and, being satisfied the beads were real fine coral, was again struck with admiration, and exclaimed, "Now, by the habit which I wear! I know not what to say, or what to think, of these letters and presents: on one side I see, and even feel, the worth of these corals; and on the other, I read a letter from a duchess, who begs two dozen of acorns."-" Reconcile these things if you can (said Carrasco): but now let us go and see the bearer of this packet, whose information will solve all these difficulties." They accordingly accompanied Teresa, and found the page winnowing a little barley for his beast, while Sanchica was employed in cutting rashers to fry with the eggs for the entertainment of their guest, whose appearance and equipage gave great satisfaction to the new comers. After the compliments of salutation had courteously passed between them, Sampson entreated him to tell them news of Don Quixote, as well as of Sancho Panza; for although they had perused the letters of this last, and of my lady duchess, they were still overwhelmed with confusion, and could by no means comprehend the meaning of that government, especially of an island, seeing all or the greatest part of the islands in the Mediterranean belonged to his majesty. To this remonstrance the page replied, "That Signor Sancho Panza is a governor there is no sort of doubt; but whether of an island or not I do not pretend to decide; let it suffice, however, that he governs a place of above a thousand inhabitants; and with respect to the acorns, I can affirm, my lady duchess is of such a frank and humble disposition, that her sending for acorns to a country woman is not to be wondered at; nay, I once knew her send and borrow a comb of one of her neighbours; for you must know, gentlemen, the ladies of Arragon, although as noble, are not so ceremonious and superb as the quality of Castile, but treat their inferiors with more frankness and familiarity." In the midst of this conversation, Sanchica coming in with her lap full of eggs, addressed herself to the page, saying, “ Pray tell me, signor, does my honoured father wear trunk-hose since he was a governor ?"-" I have not observed that particular (replied the page): but certainly he must."-" My God! (cried Sanchica), how glad I should be to see my father with trunk-hose! let me never thrive but I have, ever since I was born, longed to see father in laced trunk-breeches."-" Laced hose! (said the page), madam, if he lives, and his government should hold but two months, he is in a fair way of travelling with a hood to his ridingcoat." The curate and bachelor could easily perceive the page made a jest of his entertainers; 廣 but the worth of the coral beads, and the hunting-suit which Sancho had sent, destroyed all their conjectures, for Teresa had shewn them the green garment; nor did they fail to laugh at the ambition of Sanchica, and their mirth was not extinguished when Teresa, accosting their priest," Mr Curate (said she), do pray cast your eyes about a little, and see if any body be going to Madrid or Toledo, that I may have an opportunity to purchase a round farthingale, right and tight, fashionable and of the best sort; for, truly and truly, I am resolved to honour my spouse's government as much as lies in my power; ay, and if they vex me, I'll go to court, and ride in my coach, like all the rest and the best of them; for she who is married to a governor may very well procure and maintain such a convenience."" Yea, forsooth (replied Sanchica); and would to God it were to-day rather than to-morrow, although those who saw me seated with my lady mother in the coach, should say, Look at such a one, daughter of such a garlic-eater, how she sits, and lolls in a coach, like the pope's lady; but let them trudge in the dirt, so I ride in my coach, with my feet lifted off the ground: an ill year, and worse month, betide all the envious grumblers upon earth and so I am warm, without and within, the mob may laugh and the malicious grin. Speak I to the purpose, mother?""To the purpose? yes, to be sure, daughter; and all this good luck, and even more, was prophesied by my good man Sancho; and thou shalt see, daughter, it will not stop until I am a countess, for good fortune wants only a beginning, as I have often heard it observed by thy worthy father, who is likewise the father of proverbs. When they bring thee a heifer, be ready with the halter: when they give thee a government, seize it a God's name: when they bestow a countship, lay thy clutches upon it; and when they throw thee some beneficial bone, wag thy tail, and snap at the favour; if not, sleep on, and never answer to good fortune and preferment, when they knock at thy door.""And what do I care? (added Sanchica), let them say what they will, when they see me exalted in all my finery, and cry, There goes Mrs Ape, with her buttocks cased in crape; and all the rest of that stuff." The curate hearing her remark, " I cannot believe (said he), but that all the family of the Panzas are born with a bag of proverbs in their bowels; for I have never seen one of them who does not scatter about old saws at all times and in all conversations."-" Your observation is very just (said the page); for my lord governor Sancho utters them at every step; and although many of his proverbs are not much to the purpose, they nevertheless give great pleasure, and are very much extolled by my lady duchess and the duke."-" What! and do you still, my good sir (said the bachelor), affirm the truth of that government of Sancho; and that there is actually a duchess who sends presents and letters to his wife? For our parts, although we handle the presents, and have perused the letters, we cannot believe the evidence of our senses, and imagine this is one of those things which our townsman, Don Quixote, sup posed to have been effected by enchantment; and therefore I own, I have an inclination to touch and feel your person, that I may know whether you are a fantastical ambassador, or really a man of flesh and blood."-" Gentle men (replied the page), all that I know of the matter is, that I am a real ambassador; that Signor Sancho Panza is effectually a governor; and that my lord duke, and my lady duchess, not only could, but actually did, invest him with that government, in which I hear the said Sancho Panza behaves with vast ability. Whether or not there is any enchantment in the case, I leave you, gentlemen, to dispute and decide among yourselves; that this is all I know of the matter, I swear by the life of my parents, who are still alive, and whom I love and honour with the utmost reverence and affection."-"What you say may be true (answered the bachelor): but, Dubitat Augustinus."-" Doubt as much as you please (resumed the page); what I have said is the naked truth, which will always swim above falsehood, like oil above water; but Operibus credite et non verbis: let one of you gentlemen go along with me, and he shall see with his eyes what he will not believe upon hearsay." I am for that jaunt (cried Sanchica): good sir, if you will take me up behind you, I shall be glad to go and see my father's worship."-" The daughters of governors (said the page), never travel alone, but are always accompanied by coaches, and litters, and a great number of attendants.""'Fore God! (replied Sanchica), I can travel upon a she-ass as well as in a coach: you won't find me shy or fearful."-" Hold your tongue, wench (said Teresa), you know not what you say. The gentleman is in the right; for every season has its reason. When it was plain Sancho, it was plain Sancha; but now, being governor, my lady I know not if what I say to the purpose." "Madam Teresa has said more than she is aware of (replied the page); but pray let me have some victuals, and despatch me immediately, for I intend to return this evening." To this remonstrance the curate answered, "Sir, you shall come and do penance with me, for Madam Teresa has more inclination than ability to entertain such a worthy guest." The page at first declined the invitation; but at length found it was his interest to consent; and the curate conducted him to his parsonage with great pleasure, that he might have an opportu nity to inquire, at leisure, about Don Quixote and his exploits. The bachelor offered to write answers to Teresa's letters; but she did not choose that he should intermeddle in her affairs; for she looked upon him as a wag. She therefore gave a roll of bread and a couple of eggs to a novitiate monk who could write; and he penned two letters, one for her husband, and another for the duchess, indited by Teresa's own noddle, which are not the least entertaining that occur in this sublime history, as will be seen in the sequel. CHAP. XIX. Of the progress of Sancho Panza's government, and other such diverting incidents. Ar length arrived the morning that succeeded the night of the governor's round, which the gentleman-sewer passed without sleep, so much were his thoughts engrossed by the face, the air, and beauty of the disguised damsel; while the steward employed the time in writing an account of Sancho's conduct to his lord and lady, equally astonished at his words and actions, in which folly and discretion were strangely blended. At last my lord governor arose, and by direction of doctor Pedro Positive, he was fain to break his fast with a little conserve, and four gulps of cold water, which Sancho would have gladly exchanged for a luncheon of bread and a bunch of grapes; but, finding himself under compulsion, he bore his fate with grief of soul and anxiety of stomach; Pedro Positive giving him to understand that your slight and delicious dishes animate the genius, consequently were most proper for persons appointed to posts and offices of importance, in which corporal strength cannot avail so much as the vigour of the understanding. By this sort of sophistry Sancho was subjected to such severe hunger, that he in secret cursed the government; ay, and him who conferred it; nevertheless, in despite of hunger, and upon the strength of the conserve, he that day sat in judgment; and the first case that occurred, was a question put by a stranger, in presence of the steward and the rest of the assistants: "My lord (said he), a certain manor is divided by a large river-I beg your honour will be attentive, for the case is of great consequence and some difficulty. I say then, upon this river is a bridge, and at one end of it a gibbet, together with a sort of court-hall, in which four judges usually sit, to execute the law enacted by the lord of the river, bridge, and manor, which runs to this effect: 'Whosoever shall pass over this bridge, must first swear whence he comes and whither he goes; if he swears the truth, he shall be allowed to pass; but if he forswear himself, he shall die upon the gallows, without mercy or respite.' "This law, together with the rigorous penalty, being known, numbers passed, and, as it appeared they swore nothing but the truth, the judges permitted them to pass freely, and without control. It happened, however, that one man's oath being taken, he affirmed, and swore by his deposition, that he was going to be hanged on that gibbet, and had no other errand or intention. The judges having considered this oath, observed, if we allow this man to pass freely, he swore to a lie, and therefore ought to be hanged according to law; and if we order him to be hanged, after he hath sworn he was going to be suspended on that gibbet, he will have sworn the truth, and by the same law ought to be acquitted. I beg, therefore, to know of your honour, my lord governor, what the judges must do with this man; for hitherto they are doubtful and in suspense; and, having heard of your lordship's acute and elevated understanding, they have sent me to entreat your honour, in their names, to favour them with your opinion in a case of such doubt and intricacy." To this address Sancho replied, 66 Assuredly those judges who sent you to me might have spared themselves the trouble; for I am a man that may be said to be rather blunt than acute: nevertheless, repeat the business, so that I may understand it fully, and who knows but I may chance to hit the nail on the head? The interrogator having repeated his story again and again, Sancho said, "I think I can now explain the case in the twinkling of two balls; and this it is: A man swears he is going to be hanged upon such a gibbet; if he actually suffers upon that gibbet, he swore the truth, and, by the enacted law, ought to be allowed freely to pass the bridge: but if he is not hanged, he swore false, and for that reason ought to suffer upon the gibbet." The case is exactly as my lord governor conceives it (said the messenger); and with respect to the scope and understanding of the matter, there is no farther room for doubt or interrogation."-"I say then (replied Sancho), that part of the man which swore truth, ought to be allowed to pass, and that which told a lie ought to be hanged; and in this manner the terms or condition of passing will be literally fulfilled." But, my lord governor (replied the questioner), in that case it will be necessary to divide the man into two parts; namely, the false and the true; and, if he is so divided, he must certainly die: therefore, the intent of the law will be frustrated, whereas there is an express necessity for its being accomplished."-" Come hither, honest friend (said Sancho); either I |