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without the kernel; or it is what the story in the next article represents.
THE CORKSCREW WITHOUT THE WINE;
OR, THE USE OF A PHILOSOPHER'S COMFORT IN TIME
· The reasonings of the preceding article were jocosely illustrated, in the following tale, told by one of the Speakers at a Meeting of the friends of a Sunday school.
The speaker made some observations upon the conceit, with which the advocates for such education, as should disregard religious teaching, or put it in a secondary rank, plumed themselves upon their superior, if not exclusive, wisdom. He observed that, notwithstanding these pretensions, they put forth the most silly notions, and unmeaning statements, that could be proposed to “Common Sense.” One such absurdity was, that education could be of real use to an immortal being, or offer solid comfort or support to a rational being, though it were supposed to disregard the formation of religious character. He said that nothing could be more glaring, than the folly of such a notion. As an illustration of the want of “Common Sense” which such a theory shewed-he said
“It reminds me of a story which may illustrate the consolation offered by such philosophers. A party had agreed to join in what is called a pic-nic; that is, that each should contribute something for a cold dinner, and that they should meet in some wood, or rural spot, and eat their dinne
on the grass, and enjoy a day's pleasure. However pleasure may be invited, and nevertheless does not always come. First of all the morning turned out rather showery, and great doubts were entertained whether they could meet at all. The watching the weather, the desponding and grumbling, the thoughts upon what was to become of the eatables they had cooked, and other little discomforts greatly damaged the good humour of the party; and seemed likely to cause more misery, than pleasure.
At length however the day cleared up, and off they set, and arrived at the chosen spot. The ground was rather damp, and even muddy in some places, but they were determined to be pleased, and accordingly prepared for their feast. A muster of the good things was ordered, and all were in hopes, ņotwithstanding former mishaps and disappointments, of enjoying a pleasant day.
“Bring out the cold Turkey and the Ham"! The coachman looked wise and scratched his head... “There's a bad job happened, I tied the basket quité safe to the perch of the carriage myself, but some rascal has cut the rope and stolen both turkey and ham.” Stole the Turkey and the ham! echoed the company in a very mournful tone. Before they could sufficiently recover themselves from this calamity to utter another word, they were startled by a shout from behind the bush_“You stupid little wretch!”— Andoutrushed the footman dragging forth a little boy, whose garments were besmeared with apple-pie and mud. "Here's a pretty business!” roared the footman, as he lugged the affrighted culprit before the company, “here's master Tommy set down plump into the apple-pie, and broke the dish all to smashes!” “Dickey pushed me backwards,” cried Tommy, “and I tumbled into the apple-pie.” “Sat down in the apple pie!" chorused the whole company in accents of grief and rage. “You nasty little wretch!” “ Sat down in the Apple pie!” growled out a schoolmaster, who was of the party, and who seemed in imagination to clutch a birch rod in his hand--"Sat down in the apple pie! you little vagabond ! if you were my son, I would make you mighty
cautious, for some time to come, how you sat down there, or any where else!” Tommy slunk off as fast as he could from the wrathful looks of this man, and of the whole company. The next enquiry was for the cream cheese, which was regarded as a forlorn hope for the hungry hunters after pleasure. But, alas, the freaks of fortune! The gentleman, who had promised this, had overtaken a friend trudging along the muddy road towards the scene of intended festivity. He offered him a place in bis gig, but forgot to tell him that the cream cheese was in the bottom of the gig wrapped up in a cloth. The consequence was that his friend unconsciously made a footstool of the cheese---and the mud off his boots was squeezed into the cloth, and the cheese squeezed out, so that between the two a perfect mixture of mud and cheese was effected, by the time it got to the journey's end. In this state it was produced to the company, and completed their disappointment. Grumbling and discontent were heard on every side. “A precious day of pleasure!” grumbled one. “Catch me at a pic-nic again!” sulkily exclaimed another. “Oh dear!” mournfully sighed a third. The president, however, of the party was a merry fellow, and determined to make an effort to rally the spirits of his disconsolate company.
“ Come Come! friends," said he, “We have been unlucky to be sure, but remember we have not lost all yet. Here's our friends Spincks, the philosopher, has got some. thing that will comfort and support us, after all our misfortunes. We will have a bumper toast. Come Spincks, bring out your hamper of Wine, that you promised.” The Philosopher had been all this time deep in a mathematical problem; and suddenly rousing himself, repeated-..“ Wine!” “Yes, Wine!" rejoined the President, “it is the only thing we have left to comfort us in our disasters. Come, produce the Wine!” “Produce the Wine!” repeated Spincks with looks of horror and alarm, “bang me if I have not forgot it." "Forgot the Wine!” groaned all the company in chorus. “Forgot the Wine!” cried the enraged president! Poor Spincks was quite confounded at all the disappointed and angry looks, that were directed towards him, and was at a loss what to say to comfort and appease the company.-“Well Well!” said he, “never mind, it cannot be helped. Besides there is one comfort, though I did leave the Wine behind, I've BROUGHT THE CORKSCREW!” “Brought the corkscrew! precious comfort indeed” exclaimed one and all--.“ Brought the Corkseren! hang your philosophy," roared the president. “The CORKSCREW without the Wine! Oh dear, Oh dear! Let us go home!” When we hear the wiseacres who take
themselves the titles of “liberal” and “enlightened" chattering about education without religion, we shall always thinks of philosopher Spincks' comfort, the CORKSCREW without the Wine; of the folly of boasting that we possess the machine for extracting the cork, when we have made no provision for that, for helping us to obtain which alone, the machine is of any use.
DISSENT AND SIMONY.
We are always glad when those, who would gainsay us, will for a moment venture a document and an argument, instead of their staple commodity-brutal personality and abuse. We can grapple with the former; indeed they furnish us with a text for an article. And, to the pleasure of refuting a calumny against the Church, we add that of seeing its clumsy assailants knocked down with thir own weapons.
Some of these Wiseacres find an advertisement for the sale of the Advowson with the next presentation of a living; and, if they look into the Newspapers every week they will find many more. Transported with the discovery of this mare's nest, they proceed, partly by their happy ignorance, partly by throwing truth clean overboard, and by the help of a fancy, not at all troubled with scruples, to add a few inventions of their own. They think they can palm off the trick upon the ignorant; and chuckle with delight at the prospect of making it appear, that the Church patronizes Simony.
This is a stale device of dissenting advocates. But nevertheless there is an appeal to “ Common Sense.” The attempt will afford us an opportunity to sbew by evidence wbich every plain man can understand---the real truth---namely---not only that the Church does not encourage Simony, but that dissent does, in the most flagrant manner.
In order to do this, we will first shew wbat Simony is according to Scripture, and to what other offences the name has been extended by human lars.
Simony is a name given to certain acts from their supposed resemblance to the offence of Simon Magus (Acts, viII.) who offered the Apostles money to lay their hands on him and impart to him the power of conferring the miraculous gifts of the Holy Ghost, which in those times were granted for the Ministry and establishment, of the Church. By parity of reason, the guilt here denounced, would attach to the offering of money to either the Apostles, or their successors---for laying their hands on a person, to confer on him the gifts and authority of the Ministry, or in other words to admit bim into holy orders. Such is the sin of Simony according to that case of Holy writ, from which the name is derived. But though, according to God's word it extends no further than this, our Lars, both ecclesiastical and statute, bave in their jealousy of the offence rendered penal certain transactions, which they call Simony, but which, strictly speaking, are not Simony: The church however does not quarrel with this comprehensive extension of the meaning of Simony.